Maxine Aston - The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank all those who have helped in any way with the research and writing of this book.

In particular, I wish to thank all the courageous partners and couples who willingly allowed me to have an insight into their lives in the hope that their knowledge and experiences could help others; without them this book could not have been written. I would also like to thank Professor Tony Attwood, for giving me his valuable time by reading through the text and offering me his expert advice and opinions, and who has continued to do so over the years; Brenda Wall, who has the ability to move mountains and whose constant campaigning and determination have brought about many changes and helped create an awareness of the need for a book such as this; Dr Mark Forshaw, for his comments on the original text; Carol Darmon, for giving me suggestions and proofreading the text of the first edition; The National Autistic Society, whose staff have supported me throughout, especially Jan Snook, Chris Barson, Anne Cooper and David Potter; and Andrea Macleod, of the West Midlands Autistic Society, for her kind support. Last, but definitely not least, I wish to thank my three wonderful children, Zoe, Zara and William, for the strength and unselfish support that they have given me throughout my studies and the writing of the first and second edition of this book.

by the same author

Aspergers in Love

Maxine Aston

Foreword by Gisela Slater-Walker

ISBN 978 1 84310 115 4

eISBN 978 1 84642 394 9

The Asperger Couples Workbook

Practical Advice and Activities for Couples and Counsellors

Maxine Aston

ISBN 978 1 84310 253 3

eISBN 978 1 84642 851 7

What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know About Women, Dating and Relationships

Maxine Aston

Foreword by Tony Attwood

ISBN 978 1 84905 269 6

eISBN 978 0 85700 554 0

of related interest

The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome

Tony Attwood

ISBN 978 1 84310 495 7 (hardback)

ISBN 978 1 84310 669 2 (paperback)

eISBN 978 1 84642 559 2

22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Aspergers Syndrome

Rudy Simone

Foreword by Maxine Aston

ISBN 978 1 84905 803 2

eISBN 978 1 84642 945 3

Troubleshooting Relationships on the Autism Spectrum

A Users Guide to Resolving Relationship Problems

Ashley Stanford

ISBN 978 1 84905 951 0

eISBN 978 0 85700 808 4

This edition published in 2014

by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

73 Collier Street

London N1 9BE, UK

and

400 Market Street, Suite 400

Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA

www.jkp.com

First edition published in the United Kingdom in 2001
by The National Autistic Society, London

First edition published in the United States in 2001
by AAPC Publishing, Kansas

Copyright Maxine Aston 2001, 2014

Foreword copyright Tony Attwood 2014

Front cover image source: Shutterstock. The cover image is for illustrative purposes only, and any person featuring is a model.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 610 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright owners written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher.

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Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Aston, Maxine C.

The other half of Asperger syndrome (autism spectrum disorder) : a guide to living in an intimate

relationship with a partner who is on the autism spectrum / Maxine Aston ; foreword by Tony Attwood.

-- 2nd edition.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-84905-498-0 (alk. paper)

1. Aspergers syndrome--Patients--Family relationships. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Intimacy

(Psychology) 4. Friendship. I. Attwood, Tony. II. Title.

RC553.A88A799 2014

616.858832--dc23

2013048195

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 84905 498 0

eISBN 978 0 85700 920 3

For all who love a partner who has
Asperger syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

When I first boarded the Asperger Express bound for a journey of self-discovery, I had nothing but my own experiences and Maxine Astons books tucked under my arm. I read them, no, I swallowed them whole, sat back and began to rethink my entire life. Her books saved my life and for that Ill forever be grateful. Besides being a pioneer of Asperger awareness, Aston is a wonderful writer. The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is a clear, easy to understand page-turner as well as an eye-opener. Since this book was first written, Maxines worked with hundreds of individuals on the spectrum and stayed abreast of all the latest research which imbues and enriches this 2nd edition.

Rudy Simone, author of Aspergirls , 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Aspergers Syndrome and 22 Things a Woman with Aspergers Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know

In a comprehensive sweep Maxine Aston manages to cover all the concepts people in AS-linked relationships need. Without shying away from tough topics, Aston gives immediately useful advice and research-based guidance. This is the type of book I like to have handy, flipping to a random page to read during tough times since every page of the book is helpful. Astons upbeat tone and many insights give clarity to the unique issues facing couples as they improve their relationships.

Ashley Stanford, author of Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships and Troubleshooting Relationships on the Autism Spectrum

I highly recommend this rare treasure! Couldnt put it down! Through numerous examples Aston clearly explains the differences between the Asperger and Non-Asperger partner. She encourages couples not to strive for the impossible but instead to try some of her invaluable insights and tips. A must-read!

Louise Weston, RN. B. Nursing and author of Connecting with Your Asperger Partner

FOREWORD

In my clinical practice, I see many couples for advice on their relationship. They are often the parents of a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, recognising that one, or sometimes both, have the profile of abilities associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder, although expressed in a much more subtle way than in their child. I am now also seeing adults whom I originally saw as young children returning to the clinic for advice on how to maintain a successful relationship with their new partner. My clinic list also includes couples who have learnt about Aspergers syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) from television programmes and films, and realised that the undiagnosed characteristics in one of the partners are affecting the relationship. Thus, there is an increasing need for literature and counselling for couples where one or both partners has undiagnosed or diagnosed Aspergers syndrome.

In 2001, Maxine wrote the first guide to living with a partner who has the characteristics of Aspergers syndrome. It was a slim volume, which was a reflection of the lack of knowledge at that time. We have learnt so much on relationships and Aspergers syndrome since 2001, and her seminal book needs to be revised. The second edition is also a slim volume, but the content is concise, clear and consistent with the latest clinical and research knowledge. This is an advantage, in that a small book is less daunting a prospect to read than a heavy tome, and I want this book to be read by couples, and especially the partner who has the characteristics of Aspergers syndrome.