Table of Contents
PRAISE FOR
OVERCOMING PASSIVE-AGGRESSION
Anger is a normal feeling. For some, this anger can be directed into more subtle directionsas passive-aggression or as hidden anger. As such, this anger may negatively impact on work, school, family, marriage. Murphy and Oberlin help the reader to recognize this hidden anger and to change behaviors toward a more healthy expression of anger. If you struggle with your anger, this book will be invaluable in guiding you to healthier outlets for your feelings.
LARRY B. SILVER, MD, clinical professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University Medical Center
No one I know could have written a better book than this to guide the thoughtful adult or wise parent. It is scientifically well-grounded, beautifully written, and eminently practical in its discussion of everyday life, especially where matters of negative behaviors and the expression of anger, direct or hidden, is concerned. It not only presents intriguing vignettes that illustrate the problematic consequences of anger at work and in the family, but it also offers sound solutions for their control and remediation. I tip my hat to the authors.
THEODORE MILLON, PHD, DSC, dean and scientific director of the Institute for Advanced Studies in Personology and Psychopathology
Do you have trouble expressing your anger in direct and constructive ways? This well-written and accessible book, will help you recognize this problem in yourself and those whose hidden anger affects you. If you follow the advice it offers, you can handle this hidden anger better, whether its your own or someone elses.
REDFORD WILLIAM, MD, and VIRGINIA WILLIAM, PHD, authors of Anger Kills and Lifeskills
After helping countless parents and teachers to better work with troubled youth in the award-winning The Angry Child, the writing team of congressman Tim Murphy, a psychologist, and Loriann Hoff Oberlin focus their considerable talents on one of the more common (and often unrecognized) sources of difficulty in day-to-day adult lifepassive-aggressive behavior. Well-written and easy to read, Overcoming Passive-Aggression strikes exactly the right balance between helping the reader to understand why people get stuck in such self-defeating patterns and offering practical advice on ways to overcome the problem. I think that this book will be useful for self-help, as an adjunct to counseling and psychotherapy, and to assist others deal more effectively with a passive-aggressive person.
MICHAEL THASE, University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and author of Beating the Blues
At last, a book that tells the layperson all about passive-aggressive men and women. Overcoming Passive-Aggression helps passive-aggressives deal with their hidden anger and offers their targets ways to cope and manage. Murphy and Oberlin cite revealing and instructive case examples illustrating hidden anger in different contexts, and they discuss thee core interactive processes that will surely bring forth so thats it responses of recognition and pleasant surprise in all readers.
MARTIN KANTOR, MD, author of Passive-Aggression: A Guide for the Therapist, the Patient, and the Victim
This unique book uncovers a smoldering emotional ember that burns unnoticed in many people and in a wide range of relationships. Sequestered anger and its expression through passive aggression are destructive influences in our society. The authors made a significant contribution in exposing these threats and providing constructive ways of dealing with them.
MEL LEVINE, MD, director of the Clinical Center for the Study of Development and Learning at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Congressman Murphy and Loriann Hoff Oberlin call much-needed attention to the confusing, frustrating, and crazy-making problem of passive-aggression. With many anecdotes and thorough description, Overcoming Passive-Aggression is an easily accessible resource for the lay readerhelpful for the perpetrator as well as the victim.
SCOTT WETZLER, PHD, author of Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man
More than an exploration of anger, this book is a prescription for overcoming hidden aggression and finding lasting happiness.
SCOTT HALTZMAN, MD, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men
You will find many of the people you work with every day described in this book, and Murphy and Oberlin explain why they behave as they do and how you should respond. Overcoming Passive-Aggression offers important insights and helpful advice for the business reader.
WILLIAM C. BYHAM, PHD, chairman and CEO of Development Dimensions International, Inc.
This thoughtful and thorough understanding of hidden anger is a much-needed resource that can be helpful not only for parents, but teachers as well.
BILL ISLER, president, and HEDDA SHARAPAN, director of Early Childhood Initiatives, Family Communications, Inc., and producers of Mister Rogers Neighborhood
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Dr. Tim Murphy is a U.S. congressman and a psychologist in his hometown of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. With more than twenty-five years clinical experience, he has been affiliated with numerous hospitals and has had a private practice. Dr. Murphy holds two adjunct associate professor positions in pediatrics at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine and in the School of Public Health. He earned his PhD in psychology in 1979 from the University of Pittsburgh.
In 1996, Dr. Murphy was elected to the Pennsylvania State Senate, as one of the few psychologists nationwide elected to a state legislature. In 2002, Senator Murphy was elected to the U.S. Congress. He currently is the cochair of the Congressional Mental Health Caucus, cochair of the Congressional Health Care Caucus, and serves on the Committee on Energy and Commerce, where he works on healthcare issues. In March 2005, the American Psychological Association recognized Dr. Murphy for his outstanding leadership on mental health issues.
Following terrorist attacks and school shootings, Dr. Murphy was quoted in USA Today regarding anthrax anxiety, interviewed by national reporters, and wrote a paper about childrens reactions, displayed on various Web sites. Hes been featured on many talk shows and news programs including MSNBC, Fox News, Focus on the Family, and the CBS Early Show. He served as the discipline pro on oxygen.com and has offered commentary in Parenting, Redbook, the Washington Post, and many other leading publications. He cowrote The Angry Child, released in 2001, with Ms. Oberlin. Their book won the National Parenting Publications Gold Award.
Prior to his entry into public service, he became widely known in Ask Dr. Tim segments on regional television and radio appearances. He has a wife and daughter, and resides in suburban Pittsburgh.
Loriann Hoff Oberlin is an accomplished writer and author who contributes to major magazines and newspapers. Her successful book Surviving Separation and Divorce, written to encourage women, was released in its second edition in 2005, and she cowrote The Angry Child with Dr. Murphy in 2001. Shes written five other books.
Ms. Oberlin has also contributed hundreds of articles in her career, now specializing in parenting, relationships, and health topics. She served as the divorce pro on oxygen.com. Ms. Oberlin writes a Family Answers column for regional parenting publications, and her column on balancing work and family appeared in the
