Ramprasad - Shadows in the sun: healing from depression and finding the light within

Advance Praise for Shadows in the Sun

Shadows in the Sun opens a world never before described in memoir formthat of a woman raised in India and forced to face her mental illness in America without traditional family support or understanding.... Gayathris colorful, harrowing, and ultimately uplifting life story transcends memoir and becomes history.

Julie A. Fast, author, columnist, and winner of a Mental Health America media award

A superb memoir of an Indo-American womans growth from childhood to adulthood as she struggles with the challenges of developing a bicultural identity complicated by severe recurrent depression.... In a style that evokes great empathy from the reader, the author poetically describes the struggle of developing a personal identity that spans widely disparate cultures, and in the process drawing on and celebrating the strengths of each culture.

James Boehnlein, MD, professor of psychiatry, Intercultural Psychiatry Program, Oregon Health and Science University School of Medicine

Gayathri Ramprasads life has included an amazing journey from life-threatening mental illness to lifesaving advocacy for access to mental health care. Shadows in the Sun is her story, written with extraordinary eloquence and honesty. Anyone reading her book will gain valuable insight into what it is like to struggle with serious emotional and mental disorders, as well as receiving a most precious giftreason to believe that such a harrowing journey can lead to hope and healing.

John Head, author of Standing in the Shadows: Understanding and Overcoming Depression in Black Men

Weaving together colorful threads from two different cultures in rich, beautiful prose, Gayathri pens a memoir about an anguishing mental illness that ends in redemption and grace. Hers is a powerful story of hope, resilience, and recovery.

Therese Borchard, author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes

By her courageous willingness to share her most private horrors, Gayathri Ramprasad will touch many hearts.... Ramprasad sheds light on the person in the darkness, providing a reminder that depression is a matter of life and death, that this illness casts a very wide shadow, and that even the smallest spark of hope can light the candle that guides the way back from despair to recovery and wellness.

Patricia B. Nemec, PsyD, CRC, CPRP

A deeply moving travelogue of two remarkable journeys: from India to America, and from the depths of mental illness to the forefront of wellness advocacy. With courage and candor, Gayathri recounts the evolution of her inner compass, and how she used it to move past one obstacle after another along her way. This book is a testament to the power of perseverance, and a must-read for anyone looking for living proof that all things are possible.

Jeff Bell, author of Rewind, Replay, Repeat: A Memoir of OCD and founder of the Adversity 2 Advocacy Alliance

Shadows in the Sun fights the stigma and cultural misunderstanding of mental illness on a global scale. A must read, even if mental illness has not touched your family.

Jessie Close, BringChange2Mind.org

Gayathri Ramprasad pulls back the veil of stigma surrounding her life as an Indian woman to invite us into her very personal struggle with a life-threatening illness.... Shadows in the Sun reminds us how closely we are interconnected and how we all have a stake in the mental wellness of everyone on our planet.

Cinda Johnson, Ed.D., coauthor of Perfect Chaos: A Daughters Journey to Survive Bipolar, A Mothers Struggle to Save Her

The international reach of Gayathri Ramprasads courageous message is due to her inner light and brilliance that beams on the global public health crisis of mental illness. Shadows in the Sun illuminates us all with fierce truth and beauty, and inspires us to our core.

Janine Francolini, founder of the Flawless Foundation

For millions living with mental illness, the symptoms and associated stigma can make life seem hopeless. For us, and for anyone, Ms. Ramprasads efforts offer hope.

Brandon Staglin, schizophrenia survivor and communications director of the International Mental Health Research Organization

Hazelden

Center City, Minnesota 55012

hazelden.org

2014 by Gayathri Ramprasad

All rights reserved. Published 2014.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwisewithout the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Ramprasad, Gayathri.

Shadows in the sun : healing from depression and finding the light within / Gayathri Ramprasad.

pages cm

ISBN 978-1-61649-531-2

1. Ramprasad, GayathriMental health. 2. Depression, MentalIndia. 3. Postpartum depressionIndia. 4. Depressed personsUnited StatesBiography. 5. Mind and body therapies. I. Title.

RG852.R36 2014

616.85'270092dc23

[B] 2013035456

Editors notes:

This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals.

Some names, details, and circumstances have been changed to protect the privacy of those mentioned in this publication.

18 17 16 15 14 1 2 3 4 5 6

Cover design: Jon Valk

Interior design: Kinne Design

Typesetting: BookMobile Design & Digital Publisher Services

Developmental editor: Sid Farrar

Production editor: Mindy Keskinen

THIS IS A WORK of creative nonfiction. The events are portrayed to the best of the authors memory. While all the stories in this book are true, some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.

The conversations in the book all come from the authors recollections, though they are not written to represent word-for-word transcripts. Rather, the author has retold them in a way that evokes the feeling and meaning of what was said, and in all instances, the essence of the dialogue is accurate.

Depression and the medications and electroconvulsive therapy used to treat it can seriously damage recollection. Where the authors memory has failed her, she has interviewed family members to fill in the gaps.

A glossary of Indian words appears at the back of this book.

To my parents, for giving me the gift of life;

To my husband, for his undying love and support;

To my daughters, who are my reason and reward for living.

And, to you, my dear readers, let us come together to create a world of understanding, compassion, and inclusion, where every man, woman, and child suffering from mental illness is provided the love and support they need to thrive in life.

Into my hearts night

Along a narrow way

I groped; and lo! The light,

An infinite land of day.

Rubaiyat of Rumi

CONTENTS

Birthing this book has been like birthing a baby. It is the culmination of a long-cherished dreama dream that has been nurtured by a community of collaborators, friends, and family.

Thanks to my wonderful agent, Susan Lee Cohen at Riverside Literary Agency, for her love and steadfast faith in me and my story. Thanks to my editor, Sid Farrar at Hazelden Publishing, for his dedication and support in helping me share my story with the world. Thanks to production editor Mindy Keskinen and to Betty Christiansen for copy-editing the manuscript to enhance its narrative flow. Thanks to Alison Vandenberg, Jill Grindahl, Wes Thomsen, and the marketing team at Hazelden for overseeing the launch of the book, from the beautiful cover design to the promotional materials.