Rinaldi - Its Great to Suck at Something

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Copyright 2019 by Karen Rinaldi

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Atria Books hardcover edition May 2019

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Interior design by Laura Levatino

Illustrations by Niege Borges

Jacket design by James Iacobelli

Author photograph Rocco Rinaldi-Rose

Poem Kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye, originally published in Words Under the Words (Far Corner Books, 1995), included with permission from the author.

Excerpt from Burnt Norton from FOUR QUARTETS by T. S. Eliot. Copyright 1936 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, renewed 1964 by T. S. Eliot. Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-5011-9576-1

ISBN 978-1-5011-9578-5 (ebook)

DISCLAIMER : I COULDNT POSSIBLY LIST ALL OF THE THINGS YOU MIGHT SUCK AT THAT WOULD CAUSE YOU OR SOMEONE ELSE HARM. INSTEAD, I ADVISE THAT YOU PROCEED WITH CAUTION IF YOUR WAY TO SUCKITUDE INVOLVES ANYTHING DANGEROUS: SURFING, FOR EXAMPLE, OR WINGSUIT FLYING. USE COMMON SENSE AND MAKE SURE YOU ASK FOR AN ASSIST. DONT GO IT ALONE UNLESS ITS MACRAM, CROSSWORD PUZZLES, OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN SUCK AT FROM THE SAFETY OF YOUR COUCH.

For Rocco and Gio

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.

ETHEL BARRYMORE

Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

WINSTON CHURCHILL

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

SAMUEL BECKETT

All it takes is just one wave. Not even that, one turn... just a moment, it keeps pulling you back to have another moment, and it never ends.

GERRY LOPEZ ( STEP INTO LIQUID )

Lets say that you dont already suck at something.

First of all: thats delusional.

But even if it is somehow true, Im going to show you how youre missing out on something wonderful.

In this book, Im going to encourage you to find and embrace something you suck at. I want to share with you just how great it can be to suck at something: to really, really struggle to do something unremarkable, uncelebrated, and without much to show for it. And to do that unremarkable thing with love and with hope in your heart. To do it with joy.

I know this joy firsthand because I surf, and Im bad at it. Surfing isnt a new kick, and its not a phase. Im not in that honeymoon period of surfing when Im trying it out, seeing if Ill get the hang of it, romancing it. By any objective measure, its a big part of my life, and has been for a while. Ive been surfing eight months out of twelve for seventeen years (and yes, to those devoted surfers out there reading this, you have every right to scoff). Ive arranged my middle-aged life around getting in the water as much as I can. I chose a career path that would allow me to pursue it, risked hard-earned money to support it, and coerced my family into a lifestyle only some of us appreciate. AndI still suck at surfing.

But I love it. I think, in its way, it loves me back.

I have put so much of myself into the waves over the years, but no matter how much I give, I always get more back. Its an unfair exchangein my favorand it has nothing to do with my aptitude.

You, too, have this potential to suck at something. It doesnt take anything more than just being yourself, having a bit of courage, a sense of humor, and a willingness to start something new, or to return to something old, to start growing again, even if the end result wont get you in any record books. This book wont make you a master of anything.

On the other hand, it wont hurt your chances. A recent study whose results were published in the Journal of Psychology of Science and Technology found that Nobel laureates were significantly more likely to engage in arts and crafts avocations than mere members of the National Academy of Scienceswho themselves were also far likelier to have hobbies than the public at large. Theres some politesse in that phrase arts and crafts avocations, so let me translate: these Nobel Prize winners like to do things like play the cello and do macram when theyre not staring down microscopes. And no one is paying to listen to that music, or for their knotted wall hangings.

The very-super-seriously-successful suck too. They just do it intuitively. The rest of us have to figure it out for ourselves.

So whats stopping us? Nothing more than the fact that sucking has a bad rap. Its a reputation thing. Theres nothing inherently unpleasant about being substandard at something (think about it: how would our species ever have learned anything if that had been the case?). Its just that our culture maligns and mocks ineptitude. So much of our public life is oriented around hiding our weaknesses or denying they even exist. Because we are so geared toward success and reward above all, we fail to set aside space in our lives to cultivate new talents and interests. That kind of cultivation will inevitably include fits and false starts. Well almost certainly look foolish. Well fail. And, so, too many of us skip doing it altogether.

When we approach something new, it seems like our first response is to try to dominate it. If we cant, we ignore it. By ignoring it we solve one problem: we dont have to be inadequate at something; but we create another: we diminish our own lives. We add another blank spot. Adulthood becomes a kind of accumulation of blank spots. A strategic anti-growth, surrounded by space were too scared to enter. All because we cant stand knowing about something we wont command. But if we avoid the vulnerability of living in the space of the new and challenging, then well get old and stagnant real quick.