Rudd - My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing From the Perspective of a Wife

MY
HUSBAND
WEARS
MY
CLOTHES

Crossdressing from the
Perspective of a Wife

by
Peggy J. Rudd, Ed.D.

PM PUBLISHERS
Katy, Texas

Published 1999 by PM Publishers

My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing From The Perspective Of A Wife. Copyright 1999 by Peggy Rudd, Ed. D. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information contact PM Publishers, Inc., P.O. Box 5304, Katy, Texas 77491-5304, Seven printings: from 1988 to 1999. FAX: 281-347-8747, Email: pmpub@pmpub.com, http://www.pmpub.com.

Publishers Cataloging-in-Publication
(Provided by Quality Books, Inc.)

Rudd, Peggy J.

My husband wears my clothes: crossdressing from the perspective of a wife / by Peggy J. Rudd - 2nd ed

P.cm

Includes bibliographical references and index
Preassigned LCCN: 98-067950
ISBN: 0-9626762-5-X

1. Transvestism. 2. Transvestites. 3. Transvestites-Family relationships I. Title

Printed in the United States of America

I wish to express my thanks to the members of TAU CHI, the Houston Chapter of TRI ESS, for their loving support and editorial assistance.

I am very grateful to Carol Beecroft and Virginia Prince who shared my dream for this first book written from the perspective of the crossdressers wife. Virginia spent many hours of her precious time editing the original copy on her word processor. Carol, in turn, distributed this copy nationally as a preliminary field test. I appreciate their many years of leadership and their friendship to me personally.

Most of all I wish to thank Melanie, my husband, who taught me that crossdressing can be a beautiful word.

This book is dedicated to readers who are seeking truth about crossdressing. By reading this book you are demonstrating a desire to understand this complex phenomenon.

For a number of years, I have been married to a crossdresser, a man who enjoys wearing womens clothing. In the case of my husband it is frequently my clothing that is worn. Does that seem strange to you? I must admit that it was difficult for me to comprehend this most unusual practice. There was a time when I wished that some morning I would wake up and the whole crossdressing situation would be gone forever.

Today the expression, Clothes dont make the man, has a new meaning for us. My husband is as loveable in my clothes as in his. In fact he seems to be a more complete person when the feminine side of his personality is openly expressed by wearing feminine clothes. For me acceptance and understanding have been accomplished by reading, interacting with others who crossdress, and being sensitive to my husband and his needs.

I have had a strong desire to share our story: the struggles and the triumphs. We feel that this information will be of special interest to wives, girl friends, family members and friends of crossdressers. Helping them move toward understanding and acceptance is my goal. Crossdressers, as a group, are capable of being excellent husbands, fathers, sons and friends. The relationship my husband and I share has proven this, but it has not always been easy. My husband, like most crossdressers, did not fully understand the situation himself. Because of the lack of understanding of his own personality, particularly of his feminine side, he could not communicate his needs to me. In time we overcame the negatives, and we believe others can also. To change the negatives into positives will require flexibility in preconceived ideas on femininity and masculinity, and compromise from all persons involved.

There are both positive and negative ways to come to an understanding of crossdressing. In most cases when the wife cannot accept her husbands need to express his feminine side, there could be problems relating to how she discovered her husbands femmeself. Many crossdressers make the mistake of introducing their wives to crossdressing by taking them to a show where female impersonators are featured. The female impersonators usually present the illusion of being beautiful women, but the wife may object to the atmosphere and the frequent references to homosexuality. She may immediately relate crossdressing to homosexuality and begin to fear that her husband is gay. The prospects of her coming to an understanding may be reduced.

My introduction to Melanie, the name chosen for my husbands feminine side, came in the form of an article written by my husband and a letter written one month after we were married. Our love and commitment were very secure at the time. The letter my husband had written expressed his love for me. At the same time it gave me the background needed to pave the way toward understanding and acceptance of his need to crossdress. My first response was not automatically positive. Over the coming days and weeks, however, I grew to the point of feeling that, Life can go on, even with Melanie in our home.

Today we feel that our relationship is stronger because Melanie exists. Femininity adds a nice ingredient to my husbands personality. In general we feel the world would be a better place if there could be less machismo, and a better balance of human personalities. Our hope is that others will be able to understand and accept crossdressing as we do.

Crossdressing is compatible with a happy and stable marriage if there is love and commitment to each other and a commitment to the relationship. An open honesty before marriage is probably the best way to handle this delicate situation for most couples, but I can not say what would have happened if I had been told before marriage. It is possible that I would have walked away from the greatest love of my life. This love is portrayed in a poem composed before being introduced to Melanie, my husbands feminine side.

One day millions of years ago,
There was a plan for your life and mine;
Somewhere, sometimes our hearts
Were destined to intertwine.
Time passed slowly while we waited,
But hope lingered all the while;
Then one day I found you,
And now I smile!

In moments of retrospection we remember our first meeting. We were two singles living in a small town near Houston, Texas. My husband was interested in our local single's group and the organization's plan to attend a state convention in San Antonio. This is what brought him to my front door one January evening in 1980.

We both recall the instant compatibility and conversational ease as we sat in my living room planning the trip. Later that night I became the woman in my husband's dream fantasy. He dreamed that I loved and accepted him dressed as a woman.

Two weeks later we boarded a van heading for San Antonio. At the convention we laughed, talked, heard inspirational speeches, and walked the beautiful meandering river that runs through this historic city. The following October we were married in an elegant yet simple ceremony.

Soon thereafter I was introduced to Melanie, the feminine side of my husband's personality. Melanie and I have captured the joys of two people in love. We consider each moment special gift. Together at the close of each day as we watch the crimson rays of sun color the blazing Texas sky, we're thankful for life and the experiences we share together including crossdressing.