Schwenke - Self-ish: a transgender awakening

CHLOE SCHWENKE

Red Hen Press | Pasadena, CA

SELF-ish: A Transgender Awakening
Copyright 2018 by Chloe Schwenke
All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the prior written permission of both the publisher and the copyright owner.

Book design by Hannah Moye

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Schwenke, Chloe, author.
Title: Self-ish: a transgender awakening / by Chloe Schwenke.
Description: Pasadena, CA: Red Hen Press, [2018]
Identifiers: LCCN 2017054802 | ISBN 9781597096089 | eISBN 9781597096966

Subjects: LCSH: Schwenke, Chloe. | Transgender peopleUnited
StatesBiography. | Transgender peopleIdentity.

Classification: LCC HQ77.8.S39 A3 2018 | DDC 306.76/80973dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017054802

The National Endowment for the Arts, the Los Angeles County Arts Commission, the Ahmanson Foundation, the Dwight Stuart Youth Fund, the Max Factor Family Foundation, the Pasadena Tournament of Roses Foundation, the Pasadena Arts & Culture Commission and the City of Pasadena Cultural Affairs Division, the City of Los Angeles Department of Cultural Affairs, the Audrey & Sydney Irmas Charitable Foundation, the Kinder Morgan Foundation, the Allergan Foundation, the Riordan Foundation, and the Amazon Literary Partnership partially support Red Hen Press.

First Edition

Red Hen Press

www.redhen.org

This book would never have been written had it not been for the many family and friends who helped me become who I am today. Some of these people saved my life. Theres no one more remarkable and filled with grace, understanding, and caring in my life than my former wife and still dear friend, Christine Lucas, who is the mother of our two children, Ian and Audrey. I also take this opportunity to express my gratitude for Christines father and my former father-in-law, Robert (Bob) Lucas, who never took the easy path of blaming me, and whose affection for me has been a constant.

I also now recognize the loving support and wisdom of my only sister, Barb Cartmell, who helped ground and support me in some of the most challenging moments of my gender transition, and who helped me through the early drafts of this book. Other family members also did their part, especially my sister-in-law Carol Schwenke. Others who are due a special mention include my cousins Sue Gould, Judy Brill, Dottie Fay, and Stephanie Gould Peteves and their respective husbands Ron Cherry, Larry Brill, Jack Fay, Stathis Peteves, my cousin Prissy Gould, and my niece Tracy Lynn Wolf Dickey and her husband Craig. Some family members initially struggled to greater and lesser degrees with the impact of my gender transition, but never turned their back on the love and loyalty that defined our relationship. These include my three brothers Roger, George, and Ken Schwenke, and their respective wives Carol, Janet, and Amanda Schwenke.

Other remarkable and accepting friends made an enormous difference in my emergence as Chloe. I am thinking particularly of the very wise and caring Susan Collin Marks, the warmly energetic and fiercely loyal Julie Haines, and friends whose immediate acceptance of me was unreserved and unflinching: Lori Keleher Bursum, Jody DeVoll, Tony Dowling and his late wife Karen Vondy, Bobby Herman and Barbara Wein, Joanna and Bill Good, Carrie Hes-sler-Radelet, Ajit Joshi, Kaisi Kalambo, Sarah Kihika, Veronika Martin, Ryan McCannell, the late Peter Nicholson, Byaruhanga Rukooko, Dan Smit and his two daughters Alexia and Olivia, Victoria Stanski, and Peter and Ann Straub.

Members of my Quaker community were also central to my efforts to transition without undue havoc to my family and my community, and to grounding my transition in spiritual truths. These include my dear British Quaker friends Diana Galvin and the late Patrick Perkins, and too many American Quaker friends to list them all. Still, I will call special attention to: Joanna Axtmann, Alexander Barnes, Carol Beigel and Martha Gay, Phil Callahan, Roba-lee Chapin, Ann Clendenin, June Confer, Justin Conner, Windy Cooler, Jen Cort, Charlotte and Tim Croft, Karen Cunnyngham, Peter Curtis, Janice Fain Dean, Sara Dean, Lainie and Rob Duncan, Alison Duncan, Ann Dunne, Jade Eaton, Randall Ehrbar and Shawn MacDonald, Mary Ellsberg and Michael Levi, Amy Greene, Anna Goodman, Jamesen Goodman, Shelley Grow, Mosi Harrington and Molly Parrish, Jane Heil, Mary Ann Heller-Hopkins, Carole Hoage, Tom Horne, Paul Jolly, Somers Knight, Ray Lane, Matty Lau, Kit Mason, Samantha McGrath, Catherine McHugh, John Meyer, Cheryl Morden and Ruben Snipper, Anne Marie Moriarty, Joy and Michael Newheart, Karen OBrien, Sandy Overby, Philip Payette, Leanne Poteet, Kate Prager, Richard Renner and Laura Yeomans, Jolee Robinson, Susannah Hills Rose, Kathy Selvaggio, Marcy Seitel, Joan Spinner, Jacob Stone, Annie Storr, Sharon Stout, Traci and Walter Sullivan, Peterson Toscano, Martha and Steve Woods, Toby Woods, Angela Toda, Margaret Weigers Vitullo, Judy Anne Williams, Tom Wolfe, Anne Wright-Lohaus, Robb Yurisko, and the late Deborah James.

Other friends remained constant in their deep support and affection for me, before, during, and after my transition. Among this group I would include my dear friends: Paul Canning, Peter and Maggie Grayson, Bharat Gupta, Stacy Kosko, Corbin Lyday, Randal Mason, Sisanda Mbokotho, Ada Piazze, Debbie Wicker, Sheila and Mike Wood, and Zakithi Zama.

There are also people in my career who stood by me as my name and persona changed, or as they worked with me as Chloe. These include my most important academic mentor David Crocker and his wife Eddie, Mariclaire Acosta, Indira Ahuwalia, Anna Amato, Keith Berner, Brian Bond, Annie Boyajian, Wendy Bradford, Aimee Breslow, Jesse Bunch, Paul Cadario, Chas Cadwell, Marianne Camerer, Michael Curtis, Sylvia Ellison, Matthew Emry, Leslie Evertz, Anna Franklin, Chris Fry, Bob Gilchrist, Nicole Graham, Melanie Greenberg, Christina Hartman, Sirkku Hellsten, Josh Kaufman, Katherine Raphaelson, the late Andy E. Rice, Steve Roth, Carol Sahley, Mona Siam, Barbara Smith, Joe and Caroline Stepanik, Aili Tripp, and Cameron Wolf.

I also express my gratitude to some of my closest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and intersex (LGBTQI) sisters and brothers, as well as some deeply committed LGBTQI allies, including: Selim Aratrk, Nisha Ayub, Ambassador Daniel Baer, Lara Ballard, Emmi Bee, Jesse Bernstein, Jim Best, Dana Beyer, Hua Boonyapisomparn, Mike Bosia, Mark Bromley, Clare Byarugaba, Ann Clendenin, Ty Cobb, Phil Crehan, Masen Davis, Petra Doan, Julie Dorf, Andres Rivera Duarte, Justus Eisfeld, Dawn Ennis, Colleen Fay, Laura Garcia, Jamie-Lynn Garvin, Ambassador Michael Guest, Daniel Hinkle, Cleste Twistor Hogan, Fabrice Houdart, Audrey Mbugua Ithibu, Julius Kaggwa, Marko Karadzic, Beyonc Karungi, JoAnne Keatley, Mara Keisling, Kath Khangpiboon, Kent Klindera, Amlie Erin Koran, Oleg Kucheryavenko, Joy Ladin, Ian Lekus, Steve Letsike, Samir Luthur, Barbra Maruga, Nikilas Mawanda, Sarah McBride, Helen McConnell, Robyn McCutcheon, Jessica McKinnon, Deyone Milana, Victor Mukasa, Michael Namlum, Ochieng Ochieng, Pepe-Julian Onziema, Dylan Orr, Randy Orso, Chris Paige, Prempreeda Pramoj, Jabu Pereira, Laura Perry, Xulaye Cleo Quentaro, Mia Quetzal, Al-lyson Robinson, Michelle Ross, Susan Rowe, Diego Sanchex, Eric Scharf, Davida Schiffer, Ed Settle, Simran Shaikh, Amanda Simpson, Sheri Swokowski, Brynn Tannehill, Jetsada Taesom-bat, Diane Ullius, Caroline Vagneron, Kim Vance, Angel Ventura, and Jeffrey Waite.