Shankle - Nobodys cuter than you: a memoir about the beauty of friendship

To all the friends Ive had over the course of my life:

Youve made life richer, better, and brighter than I ever dreamed.

To Tiff, who showed me what it means to follow your heart.

To Jen, who has always been like the North Star, pointing the way.

And most of all, to Gulley.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

A. A. Milne

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

I HAVE TO be honest and confess that Id planned to write a completely different book than this one. Id even signed a contract for it and everything. But then, because I am daring and madcap and fly by the seat of my pants, I totally changed direction and decided to write a book about friendship instead.

It also may have helped that I visited my publisher a few weeks ago, and in the middle of our meeting they said, Hey, why dont you write a book about friendship? And I said, Okay.

Of course, this could have been because Id just suggested that perhaps I should write a book called Barley and Me: The Story of a Dog That Fought in World War II, Died, Went to Heaven, and Came Back to Tell about It. I chose that title based on extensive research I did at my local bookstore, where I realized that the majority of bestselling books are about three things:

1. someones dog
2. a person who fought in World War II
3. someone who has gone to heaven and come back to life

I guess in all fairness I could have a chance at similar success if I wrote a fiction book for teenage girls about vampires or various factions in a dystopian society or tributes being forced to fight to the death in an arena, but I am not that creative and really dont have the time because Im too busy trying to figure out how to braid my hair like Katniss Everdeen. Heres what Ive learned from that: you can pin all the pins on Pinterest, but that doesnt mean that hairstyle is actually going to happen.

Ultimately, a book about friendship seemed to make the most sense. Even when I was writing The Antelope in the Living Room (a memoir about marriage), my husband, Perry, told someone, What she needs to write next is a book called Gulley and Mel: The Real Love Story.

A few months ago, my daughter, Caroline, curled up next to me on the couch after a day of school that had left her tired and frustrated. She began to tell me about some of the girl drama going on in the fifth grade and that she just wasnt sure who she could trust and who her real friends were. We talked through it, and I wiped her tears as she let out a big sigh, saying, I just havent met my Gulley yet.

And it made me want to cry because one of the things I want most for Caroline to know is the beauty of female friendship and what it adds to our lives. We need those people who will listen to our stories and hold our hands as we go through heartbreak and joy and try to figure out all that life throws our way. Those loyal soldiers who will defend us and stand with us when times get hard and it feels like the world is against us. The women we can surround ourselves with, knowing without a doubt that our names and our hearts are safe on their tongues and in their hands.

So yes, this book is about my friendship with my best friend, Gulley, and how weve managed to sustain our friendship over the last twenty-five years. But its more than that. Its about all the friendships we as women develop over a lifetime and the influence they have over who we were, who we are, and who we will become. Its about the friends who wounded us and the ones who taught us to love better.

Heres the thing: it seems that over the last couple of decades weve substituted the joy of real friendship with cheap imitations. We settle for community on Facebook and Twitter and through a series of text messages that allow us to communicate with someone without the commitment. We have a tendency to swim in the shallow pool of relationships because we know that getting deep can equate to being vulnerable. And more often than not, thats a risk were not willing to take. Its so much easier to just text a few happy-face emojis.

I feel like many years ago, women had a better grasp of real friendship than we do today. Both my grandmothers had a close circle of girl friends they called first thing every morning and played bridge with over coffee as they shared secrets and recipes and tips for getting the ring around the collar out of their husbands dress shirts. (Perhaps I am basing this entire assumption on what I used to see in those commercials for Wisk detergent.) They rocked babies and yelled at one anothers kids and diagnosed illnesses. But then society changed as our world became more global and high tech, and the simple joy of day-to-day friendship began to fade because everyone is just so busy.