Alexandra Jamieson - Radical Alignment

Table of Contents

To Laken.
May your conversations continue
to change the world.

contents

foreword

TALKING IS A BIG PART of what I do for a living. On video, on social media, in booksI spend most of my day engaging with other people, most of whom I dont know and will never meet in real life. A lot of what I talk about spotlights social justice issues, such as racial and gender inequality and mental health awareness. These discussions can be tricky, especially with strangers, but I feel a deep commitment to having them. The success of these conversationssuccess meaning an encounter in which both parties learn something and leave feeling heard and respectedis so important to me. To my regret, I spent a lot of years having unsuccessful conversations. I would leave them feeling frustrated, angry, or sad because there was more time spent digging in, defending, and deflecting than having a meaningful exchange of ideas.

These negative interactions werent limited to my work life. I wasnt showing up as the greatest communicator at home either. I would mean wellinviting my husband or one of my kids to talk about something that had been on my mind and that concerned thembut the conversation would quickly turn into a heated debate in which one person tried to win (that person usually being me) and the other person felt attacked. I was so desperate to get my point across that I was coming off like a tyrant instead of someone who loved them and had their best interests in mind. These failed attempts felt terrible and like I was moving backward in my relationships.

These crises of communication ended the minute I learned about the All-In Method (AIM) from my dear friend Alex, the coauthor of this book youre reading now. Bob and I have been working on somethingtell me what you think, she said. We were in one of our Mistressmind sessions (as Alex called them), daylong roundtables with a few of our closest women friends in which we would discuss business, family, and all the things that light us up (and keep us up at night).

Alex presented a bullet-point version of their method, and I furiously transcribed her words in my notebook. I knew the method was something special before I even put it into practice. And soon, when I finally got to test it out for the first time with my husband, I knew it was a tool I couldnt live without. AIM has not only been a game-changer in my marriagecreating an intelligent framework for negotiations about everything from money to sex to whos doing what choreits changed the way I engage with my kids, my friends, and everyone else I love. And its changed the way they go out and engage with the world.

However, the real magic of this method for me is that it doesnt require two knowing participants to make it work. If just one person understands how to apply it, the interaction benefits all involved. Following the steps of the method has taught me how to communicate all my ideas better, even in one-sided conversations. My social media posts, videos, and articles became more effective, reaching more people and resonating more deeplyexactly what I want most as an advocate and activist who wants to make change in the world. Today, I share this method with my family, friends, coaching clients, and online audience. Its one of my all-time favorite personal excellence tools.

AIM elevated the way I show up and serve. I already knew how to talkIve been yapping away and sharing my big ideas for forty years. Alex and Bobs method taught me how to communicate. And now Im so excited that you get to experience its magic for yourself!

Rebekah Borucki
Author, meditation guide, and mother of five

introduction

CAN A CONVERSATION CHANGE YOUR LIFE? HELL, YES.
ESPECIALLY THIS CONVERSATION.

LEARNING HOW TO TALK about tough topics, in a constructive way, is one of the most valuable things we can do as human beings. This book describes a simple, yet powerful, conversation that will help you build the relationships, and the life, that you want.

We believe passionately that the world needs more aligned teams, organizations, communities, families, and intimate partnerships. This means we need people able to have powerful and clear exchanges that build better connections.

With this book, we offer you a tool to help clear away obstacles and help bring your projects, and relationships, to life. We want to help you be a catalyst for positive change by mastering the All-In Method (AIM)a tested technique that reliably creates an enthusiastic common cause with others.

Conversation is one of the most basic human activities at work and at home. It brings us into close contact with peoples complexities and their vulnerabilities. What weve seen through our work with countless organizations, teams, and individuals is that important conversations are often ineffective and unproductive, or not even taking place.

Whats missing is not alignment per sepeople are often mostly aligned in what they want from an experience. Whats missing is a shared and explicit understanding and empathy for the nuances of each others positions. So, conflict develops when it doesnt need to. Whats needed is a framework to direct our thoughts, words, ears, and heart so that we stay connected to the reason for our connection.

We live on the third floor of a brownstone in Brooklyn and often keep our bedroom window open in the spring and fall. One day, we noticed cigarette smoke wafting into our bedroom and were angered by the insensitivity of our first-floor neighborswhom we dont know very well and whom we think of as being young and irresponsible.

The next day, we found out it was really our second-floor neighbor smoking on his fire escape below our window. We know him wellwe barbeque together on the roof deck, and our kids often play together.

Our anger at the first-floor neighbors didnt morph into anger at the second-floor neighbor when we found out who the real culprit was. Instead, our anger evaporated completely.

This is the power of empathy.

Our existing relationship with the second-floor neighborand understanding of his challenges, intentions, and goalsmeant that we were able to see beyond any imagined slight and assume positive intent on his part. We like him, know him, and feel respected by him.

Its this power of empathy we want to see more of in our communities, on our business teams, and in all of our relationships. And through AIM, your conversations will become effective, compelling foundations on which to build new ways of interacting and growing these partnerships.

We are sharing this tool with you because we want you to be able to build empathy and deeper alignment, on demand, in your most important relationships.

For the past nineteen years, Alex has worked as a coach for women, helping them to achieve a better relationship with food and their bodies. Initially, her focus was on what to eat and how to eat it. But it proved challenging to stay in that narrow spot.

Food touches so many parts of our lives, and we cant discuss it without also delving into intimate relationships, career, family, and personal values. Alex increasingly found herself helping people make positive holistic changes in their lives.

Through Alexs work, we came to appreciate the power of being strategic about creating the structures and systems that support you as an individual.

For the past fifteen years, Bob has focused on building better business organizations. His particular concern is helping to create more engagement and collaboration on their teams. Hes worked with startups, Fortune 100 companies, and nonprofits spanning a diverse set of industries, including media, health care, energy, banking, insurance, and technology.