Witherspoon - Whiskey in a Teacup

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For my children, Ava, Deacon, and Tennessee.

I hope they always think of me when they hear a Dolly Parton song.

And for my grandmother Dorothea and grandfather Jimmy.

Thanks to you, Im a good friend and a good cook, and I never wear sweatpants on airplanes.

In my late twenties, I found myself facing some hard choices. Id enjoyed a great deal of success in movies, but personally, I was at a crossroads. I didnt know where I was going to find the strength to pick a path. One particularly rough day, I found myself looking out at a room full of men who were asking me about a decision that needed to be made. One of them said: How do you want to handle this?

I paused to think. Then suddenly a light went on. I sat up straight, lifted my chin, and said, Well, Im a lady, and Im going to handle it like a lady.

Where did that voice come from? I wondered.

Id never said those words out loud before. (Men in that room told me theyd never heard anyone say them before, either!) But in my voice that day, I heard all the women I knew growing up in the Southwomen for whom being a southern lady was a source of confidence and strength in times of trial and a source of joy in good times.

On that day, I especially heard the voice of my grandmother Dorothea.

Dorothea was smart, ambitious, and brave. She had a degree in education from Tennessee Tech and a masters from Peabody College at Vanderbilt University, one of the first such degrees ever earned there by a woman. A firm believer in womens rights and civil rights, Dorothea had a brilliant academic mind and she dreamed of traveling the world. But because of the times, she found her choices limited and ended up becoming a first-grade teacher at a local school. She never did get to see the world as shed hoped.

Still, she maintained exquisite poise throughout her life, opposed injustice wherever she found it, and commanded everyones esteem and attentionespecially mine. She was at once tough and beautiful. She could make you feel infinitely welcome but also let you know when youd pushed her too far. She was impeccably mannered, but she loved to see a whole mess of neighbors, their kids, and random pets tearing across the lawn. To me, she was the epitome of southern womanhood.

Dorothea always said that it was a combination of beauty and strength that made southern women whiskey in a teacup. We may be delicate and ornamental on the outside, she said, but inside were strong and fiery. Our famous hospitality isnt martyrdom; its modeling. True southern women treat everyone the way we want to be treated: with grace and respectno matter where they come from or how different from you they may be. Dorothea taught me to never abide cruelty or injustice. The Golden Rule, she said, applies to everyone.

My mother, too, taught me this by example. I visited her when she was teaching at Tennessee State University (known best, perhaps, as the place where Oprah got her journalism degree in 1986), and there I got to know the powerful black women with whom she worked. They did not tolerate disrespect or discrimination, and they organized to make sure they were heard. They taught me that things only get better for everyone when all voices are at the table.

Doesnt my grandmother Dorothea look like a 30s movie star?

LEFT TO RIGHT My parents on their wedding day and with me growing up.

Back then as a young woman, and now as a mother and female entrepreneur, Ive taken to heart their call to change the story by changing the storytellers. I think about that so often as I grow my companies, try to teach my children to hold good values, and as I strive to tell the untold stories in work I produce.

To me, southern womanhood is about both the teacup and the whiskeythe music and the manners, the hospitality and the fight for fairness. Some people think that caring about silly things like cooking or fashion is mutually exclusive with serious politics. But my mother and grandmother and their friends taught me that finding pleasure at homewhether in a family dinner or a book club or a backyard barbecuecan give us the strength to go out into the world and do incredible things.

This book is intended as a tribute to the diverse group of awe-inspiring southern women who I grew up admiring. These were women who always looked elegant and put-together and were quick with a warm smile, but who were also the undisputed bosses at their places of business and in their homes. For them, southern hospitality meant extending a hand to everyonewhether a party guest who seemed left out or someone in the community who needed help or a young person at work who needed mentoring.

LEFT TO RIGHT My grandmother Dorothea loved seeing me and my brother, John, dressed up. My grandfather Jimmy approved of overalls.

When I was a little girl in pigtails and Coke-bottle glasses, listening to Dolly Parton cassette tapes and watching 90210 and Designing Women , I imagined that when I one day left the South, I would see the world and do important things. When I told a teacher that I aspired to be the first woman president, she said, Ill be the first one to vote for you, Reesey!

Well, I didnt become president (nor, alas, did I achieve another early goal: marrying Willie Nelson), but I did become president of a production company that makes movies and TV shows with strong female characters. And I have traveled all around the world, to places I never dreamed Id go. In a lot of ways, Im living out my grandmothers dreams. She couldnt do so many of the things I get to do, so I dont take these opportunities for granted for one second. And I do everything I can to make sure those opportunities are there for my daughter and for other young women.

Still, now that Ive seen the world, you know where Im happiest?

In the South. In Nashville. Surrounded by friends. Listening to country music. A glass of sweet tea in one hand and a barbecue sandwich in the other. Ive learned to appreciate so much about my childhoodfrom the lessons I learned about treating people fairly to the way I was taught to tend a garden and bake a casserole. Back when I was younger, I fought to lose my accent. But today Im so proud of where Im from.

Unfortunately, I have to be in other places an awful lot of the time. But luckily, over the years Ive found ways to conjure up the Souths spirit wherever I happen to be. I take the South everywhere I go, with bluegrass, big holiday parties, and plenty of Dorotheas fried chicken.