James Withey - What I Do to Get Through

What I
Do to Get
Through

How to Run, Swim, Cycle, Sew, or
Sing Your Way Through Depression

Edited by
Olivia Sagan and James Withey

Illustrated by Sophie Standing

Foreword by Cathy Rentzenbrink

Cathy Rentzenbrink

What a beautiful thing this little book is, packed with honest accounts of what people do to make themselves feel better. Not better as in fixed, you understand, but better as in just a bit better able to cope with lifes ups and downs.

I have been in and out of depression since I was 19. I used to view it as a howling beast over which I had no control. It would arrive unbidden in the night and strip me of everything. There were times I feared I wouldnt survive. Over the last few years, with the help of some very good therapy, I try to see it more like the weather. Sometimes the clouds gather, sometimes the rain can feel a bit relentless, but there are things I can do. Im not powerless. When Im well, I can think everything through and set up some strategies for when my mood darkens. I can get a good raincoat and keep my wellies by the front door. I can learn how to sit out the storm and not do anything to make it all worse. I can try to not get stuck in despair but to move along an emotional range. I dont aim as high as happiness or contentment; it might seem violently impossible that I could ever be happy again, and dwelling on this only distresses me. But if I lower my expectations of both life and myself, that is a good start, and then I try to cultivate curiosity. If I can feel curious, then I can get some momentum going. If I can feel curious, then hope no longer feels so far away. And once I get to hope, the world brightens up again.

Reading has always been my number-one ally, but in recent years I have developed a wider toolbox of things that make me feel better, and, as for many of the contributors here, that includes being outside, walking, running, yoga, singing and meditation. The most important thing is that I am easy and gentle, and that I resist the temptation to turn any new hobby into a stick with which to beat myself. We are all different, of course, but I have never met a person prone to depression who doesnt have this tendency to self-flagellation. We could all do to turn up the volume on our self-compassion, to be kind to ourselves and find ways of making ourselves feel better that dont ultimately make us feel worse. I no longer drink alcohol because it turbo-charged my depression and I have learned to love the simple pleasure of sober life.

To stay sane, I have to maintain a faith in humanity. This can be hard to do when consuming news or looking at my phone, but much easier if I get out into the real world. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and I look for the kindness of strangers. And thats what this book is. Some kind strangers offering the things they do that help. Take from it what you will; be kind and easy and gentle with yourself. One of the things I learned to do is a Buddhist mediation called Loving Kindness. It encourages me to wish good things for myself, and for everyone else, whether or not I know or like them. So that is what I wish for you, dear reader. From any pen to your heart, I wish you well as you continue on your journey through this cruel and beautiful life.

Cathy Rentzenbrink is the author of A Manual for Heartache .

James Withey

Its always been my firm view that cuddling baby pandas should be on prescription.

In fact, so should annual three-month holidays to Antigua, free chocolate fountains and weekly play sessions with exuberant six-week-old Labrador puppies.

After the success of The Recovery Letters , we wanted to write a follow-up that would continue to help all of us on this wavy, strange, dizzying path of recovery. We wanted to hear more stories from people like you and me, who live alongside depression and other mental illnesses.

We kept hearing how people had found things in their life that make them feel better. Things that make their illness more bearable, that gave them meaning, relief, hope and dare we say the word some happiness. I wouldnt be alive without climbing, we kept hearing or, It might sound odd, but I can honestly say knitting has helped me more than anything else. The more we heard, the less odd it seemed. In fact, it made total sense.

With the long wait for talking therapies and the mixed results of antidepressants, we have to find things that work alongside (or instead of) the medical options. When mental illness strikes, we need tools at our side and Im not talking a large monkey wrench here. We have to find activities in our life that distract, heal, exorcise and calm.

Like the last book, you dont need to read this one from start to finish we know how hard that can be. Pick it up, flick through it and find something that catches your eye. And remember, there might be times when some of the stories trigger thoughts that are distressing, so go gently.

You wont necessarily like the sound of each hobby, but read these stories with an open mind and dont be like me and dismiss activities that might work. Oh no, thats not for me. Ive said that too often, to too many things, then when Ive tried them, Ive found a lot of them work.

For example, I was never really one for exercise. Why sweat profusely in front of total strangers, gasping for your last breath and looking like an unconscious crow thats been dragged out of a stagnant canal? But once I started going to the gym, I found it helped. Admittedly, I still dont know what most of the machines actually do they all look like Italian sausage makers to me. And my rules are pretty simple: dont compare yourself with the muscly people on the ground floor in the tight red shorts. Dont compare yourself with the lithe, toned gods and goddesses on the second floor who dont seem to sweat at all. Get some really, really cheesy music on your phone and, most importantly, wear your worst possible outfit because, A, youre going to look like crap after ten minutes anyway, so whats the point? And, B, it balances out all the other people in ludicrously expensive, multi-functional, lycra-hugging, sculpted designer gym wear.

Now, were definitely, definitely (definitely) not saying, Just do some extreme paragliding, it will completely cure your mental illness! Theres quite enough of those kind of ridiculous claims on the internet already. But we are saying, Do you know what? It might well help, and, damn it, we need all the help we can get. If decoupaging an old chest of drawers with purple Peruvian kitten wallpaper makes a difference, then dont judge it just do it. If you find kayaking with your chinchilla alleviates some of the pain, then hurrah, lets get out on the water more often.

If you try something and it doesnt work for you, give something else a go and dont add it to the mental list of things you cant do, because, hey, thats seems long enough anyway, right?

Just try to say, That didnt work for me; Ill try some crocheting/fishing/running/knitting/pottery/hillwalking/origami/yoga/dogwalking/boxing/photography/meditation/horse riding/cycling/decoupaginginstead.

Virginia Jones

Picture this: A cold crisp winters day on the beach, wind whipping along the shore, foreboding pewter-coloured waves anda bunch of scantily clad people smiling and squealing in the sea. Im likely to be one of them. I swim in the sea, all year round, to keep my anxiety and depression at bay.