Iain Macintosh - Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Rugby But Were too Afraid to Ask

IAIN MACINTOSH

(BUT WERE TOO AFRAID TO ASK)

Note

Whilst every effort has been made to ensure that the content of this book is as technically accurate and as sound as possible, neither the author nor the publishers can accept responsibility for any injury or loss sustained as a result of the use of this material.

Published by A&C Black Publishers Ltd
36 Soho Square, London W1D 3QY
www.acblack.com

Copyright 2010 Iain Macintosh

ISBN 978 1 4081 1494 0

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or information storage and retrieval systems without the prior permission in writing of the publishers.

Iain Macintosh has asserted his rights under the Copyright, Design and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the author of this work.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Acknowledgements

Cover photograph shutterstock.com

Illustrations by kja-artists

Designed by James Watson

This book is produced using paper that is made from wood grown in managed, sustainable forests. It is natural, renewable and recyclable. The logging and manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

Typeset in Giovanni Book by seagulls.net

Printed and bound in Berkshire, England by Cox & Wyman

This book is dedicated to my incredible wife Rachael whose love and support I really dont deserve. I must have done something pretty amazing in a previous life to land her and were talking, like, really amazing. Rescuing 27 orphans from a flood or inventing fire, something like that.

My parents and my sister Isla were also hugely supportive throughout all of this and I cant begin to thank them enough. Of all the books Ive written, this was by far the most difficult, but they were always there to help and advise. My dad, in particular, had to put up with a string of desperate phonecalls begging for counsel.

Matt Gallaghers patience and wisdom were vital throughout the process, my uncle Andrew Macintosh, a fount of knowledge on all things egg-shaped, came to my aid on more than one occasion and equally invaluable was the sage advice of Dan Bourke, Tom Riddle and Giles Daniels.

Charlotte Atyeo gave me this opportunity, for which I am incredibly grateful, while Lucy Beevor worked tirelessly to remove all the spelling mistakes, for which I am incredibly sorry.

Thanks also to the closet rugby fans on Southend United fan-site Shrimperzone.com, thats Shrimper, Uxbridge Shrimper, Alexis SUFC, Southchurch Groyney, Matt the Shrimp, Dashman, Libertine, Balmain Shrimper, Yorkshire Blue, Surrey Shrimper and Number 11.

Thanks also to Tony Pearson, Toby Fuhrman, Tom Warren, Shaun Nickless, James Findlay, Penny Rance, Dave Adams, Phil Adams, Mikey Grady, Nick Tate and everyone at The Endeavour Pub in Chelmsford.

Thanks to Steve Brierley for picking up on a number of truly horrifying grammatical errors in the final draft.

As this book is written with the primary aim of telling people how mind-bogglingly wonderful rugby union is without baffling them with jargon, youll have to forgive me always referring to the players as he. I know that I shouldnt do it, but I feared that if every hypothetical situation became and then he/she will pass the ball out to his/her team-mate, it would swiftly become a nightmare.

Rugby is, of course, open to women as well and the level of their game, and the interest in it, is improving all the time.

Throughout the book rugby will refer to rugby union, and not rugby league, unless otherwise stated.

Anyway, what are you doing still reading this? Theres a beautiful game to discover.

Iain Macintosh

Any sport played with a ball that is shaped like an egg can only ever be inherently random.

I used to say this rather a lot when I was younger. As a devout football fan, my rabid hatred of rugby was well known among my friends and family. I saw it as a game for public schoolboys, an unsophisticated and unlovable mess of bruised limbs and swollen ears. Where was the finesse of football? Where were the moments of genius that lift you from your seat? I might have felt differently, however, had I actually bothered to learn a bit about the game.

My first experience of rugby was, like most mens, entirely against my will. As a pitifully skinny eleven-year-old in his first year at comprehensive school, I was led out on to a quagmire of a pitch and, without even a cursory guide to the laws of the game, a ball was thrown, a whistle blew and the biggest boy in the class jumped on my head. I decided there and then, as I vainly searched for feeling in my legs, that I wanted nothing to do with this so-called sport.

A succession of kindly friends and relatives tried to cure me of my prejudices, but it wasnt until I approached adulthood that it all started to click. You see, something is always happening on a rugby pitch. There are moments of genius, there is finesse, you just need to banish the nightmares of comprehensive school and know what youre looking for.

The atmosphere at a rugby match is completely different from any other sport. Its boisterous, but its friendly. Theres banter, but its benign. Theres a deep understanding of the game because most fans have played it at one level or another.

In 2007, I wrote a book about football that involved a great deal of travelling, especially in taxis. Almost every driver, on finding out that I was a football writer, said the same thing.

Football writer, eh? I used to love football, but its not the same game now, is it? Too much money. You cant relate to teenage millionaires, it costs the best part of a weeks wages to take the kids and thats only if you can get the tickets. Besides, theyve taken out all the tackling. Its not really a mans game anymore.

The sport that they were looking for, the entertaining, affordable, honourable game that they mourn, is in perfect health. Its just that these days we call it rugby. No blingencrusted millionaires, no ludicrously expensive season tickets. Just unadulterated sport.

Rugby, at least at club level, is a physically democratic game. While other sports tend to be geared to only the tall or the lithe, there is a place on the rugby pitch for pretty much every body-shape. Are you as wide as you are tall? Wonderful, theres a place for you in the scrum. Do you have both the pace and the build of a whippet? Then youll be welcome on the wings. But it isnt just a game for the players.

Watching rugby can be a glorious experience. At its best, the game is an astonishing spectacle to behold. It has been described by some as being rather like watching a war, which isnt strictly true of course, as people are very rarely killed and no government has ever had to concoct a pack of lies to start a rugby match. But the strategic intricacies and the close-up blood and thunder make the analogy worth pursuing.

It requires bravery, but not foolishness, and not only composure and common sense, but also the willingness to step out into the firing line. It is not a game for the timid.

The ex-England player Brian Moore, perhaps unwittingly, captured the ethos of rugby perfectly in a training video for the BBCs Sport Academy website. Using a young team of rugby players to demonstrate the finer points of the game, Moore proceeded to show how it was possible to unbalance a scrum by the position of your elbows at the bind, something which youll find out all about later.