Amy Molloy - The World Is a Nice Place : How to Overcome Adversity, Joyfully

Copyright 2018 by Amy Molloy

Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com

Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk

Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com

Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording, nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews without prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice nor prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for physical fitness and good health. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

ISBN: 978-1-4019-5087-3

Digital ISBN: 978-1-4019-5088-0

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

1st edition, April 2018

Printed in the United States of America

To my Special Chosen One,
and my Special Gifted One.

Thank you for waiting for me.

Contents

Challenging, difficult, unpredictable, a magnet for drama. These are some of the terms my family would use to (flatteringly) describe my younger years. The first quarter of my life can be best described as... eventful. Its only when I list my trials in chronological order that I grasp their gravitas completely. From a dangerously premature baby, I became a child with obsessive-compulsive tendencies, a teenager with an eating disorder and a 23-year-old widow. Throw in a family history of depression, a father paralysed from cancer, and a tendency to have spiritual premonitions and thats a recipe for a messed-up adult. Or is it?

Im writing this as a 33-year-old happy, healthy woman with a baby growing in my belly, a fulfilling career and a loving relationship with my parents and partner. Im not perfectand proud of itbut I am certainly not broken, regretful or downtrodden. Against the odds, I have learnt to overcome my early hurdles without letting them become my identity, instead using them to empower and guide me. How is it possible? Well, thats what this book is all about.

As a journalist who specialises in telling real-life stories, Ive spent the last fifteen years of my career tracking down amazing people whove faced amazing challenges. Ive interviewed 9/11 rescue workers whose lungs have been destroyed by the dust from the Twin Towers, survivors of plane crashes and tsunami victims whove scrambled out of natural disasters. But Ive also seen evidence of how everyday eventsparticularly in our younger yearscan be just as destructive to our psyche as headline-making catastrophes.

Think back to a bad patch in your past. A time when you felt deserted, desolate, tested. Have you really grown out of it? Or has it had a lasting effect on you? When you think of that memory, do your teeth clench or shoulders tense? Well, these are only the obvious side effects that youre aware of. There are so many of us out thereproblem children who became troubled teenagers then grew into twenty-year-olds who just seem to attract chaos.

According to an American study of over 13,000 adults, more than 50 percent admitted that, during their childhood, they had been exposed to an adverse experience.1 This ranged from emotional distress to mental illness or separation from a parent. In these adults, researchers found an increased risk of depression, alcoholism, drug abuse and attempted suicide.

In my friendship circle, I can name (although I wont) a dozen men and women in their twenties, thirties and beyond who are still affected by difficult experiences in their younger years. They struggle to commit to relationships because of abandonment issues; they doubt their abilities because their first boss criticised them; or they hate their bodies because their first boyfriend pointed out their cellulite. Ive interviewed women with infertility issues, who say they can pinpoint the trauma that shut down their femininity and caused them to disconnect from their bodies. (I am one of them!)

When a person has experienced struggles in their younger years, whether its in their childhood, teens or twenties, it can be easy to write them off as a lost cause. (What chance does she have? or Its no wonder he messed up after everything hes been through!) You may have heard this said about you. You might have said it about yourself.

Many of us have moments from our past that were still hung up on. The person who broke your heart; the illness that thwarted your plans; the trauma that tore you apart; the opportunity that was taken from youor that you didnt take. Its very easy to let that moment embody you, with constant revisiting, regretting or wondering what might have been. But it doesnt have to be that way.

I truly believe that an eventful upbringing doesnt have to be devastating, if we can flip our mindset and see an adverse experience as a teaching tooleven as a superpower. Im not saying its easy, but it is possible. I am lucky to count among my closest friends a bunch of amazing and inspiring women whose early years would make you wince. Their early experiences range from the loss of a parent, to sickness, sexual abuse and crippling shyness. Yet they have flourished into empowered, empathetic adults who havent learnt to own their pastinstead they have overcome it.

In the past, Ive ticked off and circled around most of the self-destructive traits one person can manifestobsession, addiction, self-harm, isolation, burnout and excessive attachment. But Ive managed to shake each monster off my back, one by one, until I am left with a version of myself that is stronger and more capable from once carrying them. Most importantly, I am vibrantly happy.

I am far from perfect, with a relationship rsum that includes three marriages (widowed at 23, divorced at 30). But Ive never for a moment given up on finding a happy ending and Ive alwayswithout hesitationbeen able to keep moving forwards.

Years ago, I interviewed the parents of a 26-year-old woman who now has permanent brain damage, from a failed suicide attempt when she tried to hang herself. They described their daughter as a troubled teen who suffered from mood swings, never felt comfortable in her skin and struggled to recover from a relationship breakdown. That interview hit me hard, because it could have been meit could have been so many of us. But you dont have to take your own life, to waste it by living in the past.

The title of this book is my personal motto: The world is a nice place. Whenever I feel myself beginning to drift into worry, sadness, anxiety or unease I repeat this aloud: Itll all be okay... because the world is a nice place. There is enough trash talk about the universe. Its trendy to say life is too hard. But Ive learnt that life is much harder, if you expect it to be.