Sarah Crosby - Five Minute Therapy

To Louise, Ger and Claire and to all those who show others what it is to feel safe

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First published in the United Kingdom by Century in 2020

Copyright Sarah Crosby

The information in this book has been compiled as general guidance on the specific subjects addressed. It is not a substitute and not to be relied on for medical, healthcare or pharmaceutical professional advice. Please consult your GP before changing, stopping or starting any medical treatment. So far as the author is aware the information given is correct and up to date as at 5th November 2020. Practice, laws and regulations all change and the reader should obtain up to date professional advice on any such issues. The author and publishers disclaim, as far as the law allows, any liability arising directly or indirectly from the use or misuse of the information contained in this book.

The moral right of the authors has been asserted

Cover Image: Getty

ISBN: 978-1-473-58247-7

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Hi.

Its you! Youre here.

Im so glad you are.

Welcome to Five-Minute Therapy. Chances are youre curious about who you are and youre looking for a guide to start exploring that further. The exploration of self is essential to creating and maintaining happiness, confidence and calm in our lives. So if thats something youre looking to cultivate, youre in the right place. Its an interesting thing to think about really, isnt it? Who am I? What does that dreaded phrase Just be yourself even mean? What does it mean to be authentic?

Before you and I get into what Five-Minute Therapy is, allow me to share with you one of my earliest memories of being told who I am at the age of seven. Perhaps you can recall your own experience of this, too?

As the school year came to an end and parents faced the looming reality of two whole months of uninterrupted episodes of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, many of us kids found ourselves back in our primary school under the guise of a Craft Camp, now joined by students from other local schools.

So, in the heart of the rainy Irish summer, we gathered in Ms Monaghans classroom, where I sat with my friend Claire, waiting for the fun to commence.

Tell us about yourselves! a slightly erratic coordinator bellowed to the congregation from the front of the room.

At first, nobody spoke, and then all at once a cacophony of sound arose from the mass.

Im Paddy!

Im six.

My phone number is

It was an onslaught to the senses.

Im Sarah! rang out, as all other noise came to a close. I shrank back, wary of having identified myself.

OK, lets sort you by names! boomed the coordinator, who proceeded to retrieve a lengthy roll of nametags from Ms Monaghans drawer.

For the next fifteen minutes, the coordinators zigzagged between us all, asking each of our names, scribbling them on stickers, and placing these on our T-shirts.

There you go, Sarah. Thats you.

I looked down at the tag, all gaudy loops and swirls. I guess it isnt so bad having to wear this for the day, I thought.

OK everyone. Now sort yourselves into groups of the same name!

I looked up to see horror on every face. Was he mad?! I know some people here, but others are from the school down the road! I dont know them! Theyre practically alien, I thought.

They shuffled us about for the next few minutes, until we found ourselves disjointed from our original pairings. I stood with three other just-as-morose looking Sarahs one without a h, but I had no drive left to argue semantics.

I gazed around. The Aoifes and Aislings looked to be in the majority (both evidently popular girls names in Ireland at the time). My friend was now part of her own considerable tribe. I cast a sympathetic look to the rogue names among us, until they grouped Delilah, Anastasia and Tobin together under Miscellaneous.

Panic began to rise inside me. I was to spend the rest of my week with three girls I didnt know simply because of a labelling I had no choice in.

I dont like this, I thought, and so, mustering up what courage I had to rally against the system, I bid farewell to the Sarahs, peeled off my nametag and crept over as stealthily as I could to the Claires, who were both welcoming and happy for the numbers, and with whom I sat for the remainder of the day.

I was terrified of authority as a child and yet, I just felt I couldnt blithely spend my week teamed with others united by a random label that we had no say in.

Although in this instance I rebelled against the categorisation with gumption (as well as a belly full of anxiety), there are many other times in life that Ive accepted much more unhelpful labels, whether imposed by myself or others. While the instance above was, on the surface, relatively harmless, the bigger point Im getting at is this. We tend to take on board and absorb what we are told of who we are, which means that experiences like this can define our sense of self from an early age.

Throughout my adult life, in both my personal experience and in my experience as a psychotherapist, Ive come to the understanding that a large part of discovering who we really are comes from unpeeling the tags weve had attached to us along the way, and choosing to explore what lies beyond the limits of the labels.

Right off the bat, lets put our cards on the table. Five-Minute Therapy is many things, but I want to be clear from the start that it isnt a new therapeutic approach that will magically fix all your problems in five minutes. Nor is it a replacement for therapy or any mental health support. Five-Minute Therapy wont spoon-feed empty promises or sell a quick fix. Nor will it do the work for you to help you feel happier, more comfortable and more confident in yourself. Sorry to be the bearer of this news, but I thought it best to start this relationship with openness and honesty!

What you will find in Five-Minute Therapy is, hopefully, more meaningful. A journey of self-discovery. A peeling-away of the aforementioned labels. An exploration into selfhood. A chance for therapeutic insight into your own life, away from all the noise of social media.

This book is full of accessible, bite-sized information, which you can choose to dip into or read right through in the order it is presented. With any luck, youll find the thoughts and ideas within the pages to be a source of insight, reassurance, comfort and support.

Take 5 features throughout the book offer simple but effective practical exercises for you to try in any spare moments you can find or create. And at the end of each chapter youll find Mental Notes that encourage you to take five minutes at the close of each day to reflect on the key themes just discussed in that chapter.