Alex Horne - Taskmaster: 220 Extraordinary Tasks for Ordinary People

Alex Horne

noun

comedian, writer, gambler, taskmaster, podcaster, birdwatcher, potential neologist and father.

For Andy C, Andy D and Andys A and B, wherever they may be

I know why you are here. You know why you are here. Lets get on with the tasks and stop worrying about why youre here.

Everyone loves doing tasks; small tasks, big tasks, annoying tasks, time-consuming tasks, really fiddly tasks; all tasks are a lot of fun and very rewarding. They make life worth living.

But what everyone loves even more than doing these petty or exhausting tasks is doing them for me. Sure, I appreciate people doing jobs so that I dont have to. Im glad they do whatever I ask them, whenever I ask them, as well as they possibly can. But mainly, I know they love doing the things for me and Im OK with that. You can carry on.

In fact, this is a book to enable you guys, you everyday folk, to join the seemingly endless list of this countrys greatest/brightest/useless comedians (underline the word you find most appropriate, and replace comedians if necessary), and do many, many things for me. You dont need to thank me, but I would certainly appreciate it if you did. Probably best to go via my assistant, Alex Horne, who is both meek and efficient. Im sure hell put the best way to find him in an appendix or something pitiable like that.

While Im here, may I also just say that while my nurse and masseur, Alex Horne, has been constantly surprised by the success of Taskmaster, my television show, I absolutely took it in my terrific stride. While AH, my PA, keeps saying how grateful he is to everyone whos been in touch, suggested their own tasks or sent videos and messages with their own task attempts, I remain unmoved.

So while I do want this book to do well, and for the 220 tasks within to be undertaken with pride, honour and determination, I also dont want you to hassle me about it in the future. Once again, please go through my maidservant and occasional sous-chef, Alex Horne, to whom I am endowing a 150-word preamble (including title) on the following page.

By a little man.

Hello there.

Im writing this six months after the hardback version of this book was published and I feel just like how I feel after washing The Taskmaster; pleased and exhausted.

When I was coming up with tasks for ordinary people to do and asking them to tell me how they got on I was hoping Id receive the odd letter and a tweet or two. Mostly, I wanted people to just DO some of the tasks themselves, with their friends and family. I wanted people to have as much fun as I do making the programme.

So, I want to say thank you to all the people who have sent me unusual things through the post, to say theyre trying some or even all the tasks. Youve made the last half year unforgettable and very nearly unmanageable.

I also want to say hello to the numerous teachers who have surprised me again and again by saying Taskmaster has actually been helpful to children. This was not the plan! But I am delighted both that kids have been taking on the tasks and that the show and book seem to have provided an interesting resource to teachers. Theres a nice new Taskmaster website (www.taskmaster.tv) where Ive added a section for schools. Please do head in that direction if you think this could help you. In fact, if youre planning on attempting any of the tasks in this book yourself, please do head over to www.taskmaster.tv when you have a spare moment. Its there that you can see all the attempts by other readers (who have used the #taskmasterbook hashtag on twitter), and hopefully get some sort of inspiration.

Youll also see a section on the site for the Official Taskmaster Boardgame. Id be a fool not to recommend that too because youre exactly the sort of person who Im sure will enjoy it; the game features loads of tasks that you wont find here as well as a lovely board based on the Taskmaster House itself. Theres even a tiny not-so-solid replica of Gregs colossal head. I really do think its your sort of thing. Ok, thatll do. Now back to this particular book.

Because of all this lovely feedback from the first edition, when the publishers said they wanted to bring out a paperback version I said that sounded like a good idea. Id love even more people to get involved and if a slightly smaller tome, a floppier cover and a marginally more affordable overall product persuaded them, then its definitely worth a try.

This isnt a new book, I do need to stress that, but it has been updated for various reasons, the main one being that several tasks in the first edition had an expiration date of 31 December 2019. What Ive done (and what I realised I can do very easily and thats a great thing about inventing your own sport) is Ive moved the goalposts. Theyre my goalposts (well, His, obviously), and I think its in keeping with the ludicrousness of Taskmaster that theyve shifted. Instead of one overall winner, therefore, Ill announce annual winners from now until the end of time. That should sort out my workload.

This book does also include a smattering of new tasks because I love coming up with them and theyre better off in this book than on one of the many scraps of paper, notepads and mobile phones that I lose around His house every week.

If you bought the original version and are thinking about whether to buy this one, Id have to say you shouldnt. But Id also suggest that my correspondence with certain taskers leads me to think some will. Like me, a few have become slightly obsessive about the whole thing. I would just like to thank these completists in particular for making me feel better about my personality. We are not alone!

Good luck, then. Make good choices and get involved. Have fun. Speak soon.

Yours,

Greg Davies

s Deputy Subordinate, Alex Horne

Its an honour to serve The Taskmaster, Greg Davies. Yes, I may have come up with this idea independently as a way to have some fun at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2010, and maybe I have come up with a task or two myself in the past, but mainly, completely, actually, that was all a ruse to enable me to one day work with, sorry, under the only true Taskmaster, Greg Davies. It was basically His idea and He should absolutely get any and all credit. I hope you enjoy the book, but mostly I pray that He enjoys the book.

There is genuinely no chance Greg will read this far, so lets get on with it.