Steve Patterson - Dad Up!: Long-Time Comedian. First-Time Father.
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- Book:Dad Up!: Long-Time Comedian. First-Time Father.
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Praise for
DAD UP!
As always, Steve Patterson finds the unusual in the natural, the unnatural in the ubiquitous, the light in the dark and the dark in the light, then twists the whole mess into wonderfully crafted comedy that captures the weirdness thats inherent in being human. This book is a touching and very funny read. At least up to the chapter in which he mentions me. I stopped reading after that.
BRENT BUTT, creator of Corner Gas
If you were hoping Steve Pattersons Dad Up! would make you howl with laughter, well your wish will be granted page by page. But you may not have expected his reflections on parenthood to be so thoughtful, moving, even wise. The best of both worlds. Powerful prose from a very funny rookie Dad.
TERRY FALLIS, two-time winner of the Stephen Leacock Medal for Humour
This book should come with a READ BEFORE PARENTING sticker. It wont teach you how NOT to get punched in the testicles, but you will gain a mother-load of hilarious insights into fatherhood that superhero mums everywhere will be grateful you learned.
DENISE DONLON, broadcast executive and author of Fearless as Possible (Under the Circumstances)
As parents, we all start out flying blind, and we all wind up writing our own guide books. Happily, Steve Patterson has actually put pen to paper and shared his. It is honest, warm, poignantand of course its funny. Dads, you will recognize yourselves here. Also, learning that, as a boy, Steve thought it would be a good idea to ski off the roof of his family home explains a lot.
STEPHEN BRUNT, bestselling author of Searching for Bobby Orr
Dad Up! confirms many of my previously held theories about Steve Patterson: Funny guy, great storyteller, and as host of The Debaters a person who can make quite a convincing argument for conceiving your child at a Grey Cup Party.
JAY ONRAIT, bestselling author of Anchorboy
Steve Pattersons Dad Up! is the fathers manual this world needs. Its a hilarious, tender account of bringing tiny humans into the world, keeping them alive, and becoming more alive in the process. Prepare to soil your diapers.
ELIZABETH RENZETTI, journalist and author of Shrewed: A Wry and Closely Observed Look at the Lives of Women and Girls and Based on a True Story
Thumbs up for Steve Pattersons Dad Up! Its a wise and humorous guide to the pitfalls, pratfalls, joy and terror of the most rewarding job that many of us will ever have.
CHRIS CUTHBERT, Rogers Sportsnet
Also by Steve Patterson
The Book of Letters I Didnt Know Where to Send
PENGUIN
an imprint of Penguin Canada, a division of Penguin Random House Canada Limited
Canada USA UK Ireland Australia New Zealand India South Africa China
Copyright 2021 by Steve Patterson
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
www.penguinrandomhouse.ca
LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES CANADA CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION
Title: Dad up! : long-time comedian. first-time father. / Steve Patterson.
Names: Patterson, Steve, 1971- author.
Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20200237500 | Canadiana (ebook) 20200237519 | ISBN 9780735238350 (softcover) | ISBN 9780735238367 (EPUB)
Subjects: LCSH: FatherhoodHumor. | LCSH: ParenthoodHumor.
Classification: LCC PN6231.F37 P38 2021 | DDC C818/.602dc23
Book design by Matthew Flute, adapted for ebook
Cover design by Matthew Flute
Cover images: (Dinosaur) EricFerguson / Getty Images; (mug) GraphicTurkey
a_prh_5.6.1_c0_r0
This book is dedicated to John Slim Patterson for providing me with a blueprint for being a dad.
And to Nancy, Scarlett and Norah who help me refine that blueprint daily.
Contrary to what many books on the subject will tell you, nothing can truly prepare you for becoming a dad. And Im not just saying this because I didnt read any books on the subject.
Ive seen the expression Any man can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a dad on many Fathers Daythemed coffee cups. Which is weird because, for one thing, its called FATHERS Day, not DADS Day. So in the interests of selling more merchandise, you would think theyd say, All fathers are very specialespecially the one holding this cup. Then again, if your Fathers Day gift is a coffee cup, maybe your kids are trying to tell you something. If they really loved you, they would have bought you this book.
Not every man can be a father.
Some men cant have children. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, no man can have children. A man needs a female partneror two men need a female surrogate (of course it takes only one woman to do work that even two men cant)so really those smug mugs have it all wrong. They should read: No man can be a father unless he has a willing female to go through the incredibly difficult process of carrying another human being around in her belly for many months and then endure the excruciating experience of delivering that baby, which men cannot do because, compared to moms, dads are extreme wusses and largely irrelevant.
But that would be tough to fit on a mug. Even an enormous novelty one.
All of this shows how unbalanced the division of labour really is between moms and dads in the early years. Especially when it comes to the actual act of labour . So that message would make more sense for Mothers Day. On a well-deserved bottle of wine.
Still, there is something to be said for pointing out the difference between a father and a dad. I remember watching the old Maury Povich Show, a daytime talk show that regularly included paternity test segments, back in the 1990s. (There were far fewer viewing options on TV in that decade than there are now.) In these segments, Maury would interview a young woman who was the mother of a newborn or a toddler, while two or three men sat backstage looking nervous. Each man thought he might be (but desperately hoped he wasnt) the father of the baby. The men would then be traipsed out on stage to hear the results of the paternity tests the show had administered. (If youre having a paternity test administered by a talk show, youre already off to a bad start as a dad, BTW.) Then whichever man was revealed to be the father would react as if his life was ruined, while the others would jump around as if theyd narrowly avoided a prison sentence.
These men were not real fathers.
Or real dads.
Or real men.
Sure, technically, you become a father the moment your baby is born, but you dont really. You become a father over years of commitment, of teaching your kids valuable life lessons, of supporting your children emotionally and (as Im currently finding out very quickly) financially. You become a father when you put family before yourself. I think I truly became a father the first time my baby girl Scarlett called me dad. Not dada. Babies will call anyone or anything dada: their favourite stuffed animal, a family pet, their own reflection, and perhaps most awkwardly, sometimes your best friend, Ted. But when your child looks at you and calls you DAD, you know youve made it.
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