Zainab Salbi - Freedom Is an Inside Job: Owning Our Darkness and Our Light to Heal Ourselves and the World

Acknowledgments

T hanks to all those who have helped in making this book possible. It starts with Caroline Pincus, for her wonderful support and guidance in finding this book a home at Sounds True. Gratitude to Joelle Hann, my editor and partner in crime in the writing process, for her questions, patience, and support as I worked on articulating my thoughts and for all her hard work in turning the book into its final version. Special thanks to Jane Isay for helping me focus the book in its early phase of development. The friendship that came out of that is a most beautiful gift. Finally, thanks to my agent, George Greenfield, who has had my back for many years.

Everything shared in this book came from experiences that taught me about love in all its formsfrom the deep love and support of my family and friends, to passing but meaningful connections with strangers, and even to conflicts with foes who have hurt me. Throughout all these experiences, I came to learn that love is bigger than all and is above all.

Out of respect for everyones privacy, I have changed most peoples first names in the book. But there are those whose names must be mentioned here, for they have impacted the learning journey of my life. My father, Tariq Salbi, and my two brothers and their families are the joy of my life. I am forever grateful to have been born to a family in which love was always its foundation. My dearest friends, Maureen Chiquet, Vuslat Dogan Sabanci, and Peggy Dulany, anchor my life with their wisdom, insight, love, and joy. Deepest gratitude to Barry Williams and A. B. for guiding me in my darkest hours and to my friend Patricia Gruber, who believed in and supported me even when I thought I had failed.

The teachings of my dear friend Alice Walker and my late mentor Angeles Arrien are woven throughout the book. I offer heartfelt thanks to Virginia McKenzie, who has so generously shared the wisdom and traditions of her people, the Anishinabe Nation, with me over the years. Amjad Atallah, my former husband, is my teacher in love before marriage, during marriage, and after marriage. I am grateful to him and to his wonderful wife, Stephanie Bagot, for welcoming me into their family.

Thanks to Michael Peterson for his friendship and support from near and afar. And thanks to Ali Sabanci and the late Reda Gargour, whose friendships provided so much safety, love, and care. Warmest thanks to Jochen Zeitz for being so inspiring in his actions to change the world for the better through his conservation work at Segera Retreat, which provided me much learnings from all the animals and earths wisdom.

Warm gratitude to my friend Donna Karan, who helped me own my beauty and see the artist within; to Dr. Charles Passler, who helped me relate to food and my body in new ways; and to my friends Begum Dogan Faralyali, Basma Alireza, Kathy Karn, Renata Williams, Tess Beasley, and Barry Walker for indulging my processing of the different moments of my life with so much loving patience and care. Special thanks to Tina Brown for all her support and trust; to Swanee Hunt for all the stories, tears, and laughter that we shared in the fight for womens rights and our climb of Kilimanjaro; to Ahmer Kalam for his amazing creative work and friendship; and to Katy Davis, Suzanne Haywards, and Alpay Guler for their guidance, hard work, and support of my media projects.

Gratitude to Monica Winsor, Barry Segal, Mercedes Zobel, and Dounia Benjelloun for their loving support; to John Botts for his belief in me when I felt I was alone and for his support and guidance in the journey of making my dreams a reality; and to my friends Neal Goldman and Javier Macaya for their solid friendships and most honest conversations.

My utmost gratitude goes to Oprah Winfrey. She is an angel in this world and an angel in my life who has supported me directly and indirectly over the years. I am grateful to her for featuring the work of Women for Women International several times on The Oprah Winfrey Show, exposure that raised tremendous support for women survivors of war. I am also grateful to her for giving me her first interview to the Muslim and Arab world through the Arabic show I launched, The Nidaa Show. Meeting her led to life-changing conversations that helped me to own my voice in profound ways.

Last but not least, thanks to all the women I have had the honor of meeting through my work in conflict areas. Each smile, each word, each face is forever imprinted in my heart. These women have been my ultimate teachers in love and in the goodness of humanity.

Also by Zainab Salbi

Between Two Worlds: Escape from Tyranny: Growing Up in the Shadow of Saddam (with Laurie Becklund)

The Other Side of War: Womens Stories of Survival and Hope

If You Knew Me You Would Care (with photographs by Rennio Maifredi)

About the Author

Z ainab Salbi has frequently been named one of the women changing the world by leading publications ranging from Newsweek to People magazine. Most recently, Foreign Policy magazine named her one of 100 Leading Global Thinkers.

At the age of twenty-three, Zainab founded Women for Women International, a humanitarian organization dedicated to women survivors of wars. Under her leadership (19932011), Women for Women International grew from helping 30 women upon its inception to helping more than 420,000 women and distributing more than one hundred million dollars in aid.

Zainab is the author of several books, including the bestseller Between Two Worlds: Escape from Tyranny: Growing Up in the Shadow of Saddam (with Laurie Becklund); The Other Side of War: Womens Stories of Survival and Hope; and If You Knew Me You Would Care (with photographs by Rennio Maifredi).

She is also the executive editor and host of the #MeToo, Now What? series on PBS, The Zainab Salbi Project with Huffington Post and AOL, and The Nidaa Show with TLC Arabia. She is currently the editor at large at Women in the World.

Questions for Reflection

CHAPTER 1 Telling Our Stories

What is the story you are carrying but not sharing?

Are there secrets you were always told to keep hidden? Is there a part of you that thinks you dont have a story to tell?

What holds you back from telling your story, no matter how big or small it is? What feelings come up when you imagine breaking your silence?

Write down your story, even if its just for yourself. Healing starts with the first articulation of our story.

Notice how you feel once youve written out your story. Notice all the feelings that come up in the days after this writing.

CHAPTER 2 Living in Truth

Notice who around you is carrying a story for you. It could be a friend, a family member, a colleague, or a neighboranyone youre close to. Think of people who inspire you or those who annoy or upset you.

What is it about these people that you love or hate, envy or judge? What would happen if you acknowledged these characteristics in yourself? Can you see any evidence of them in your actions, behaviors, or desires already?

What would life be like if you lived your truth fully? How would it be different than it is today?

Is any part of you afraid to hurt or disappoint others by living your truth? Do you blame others for your inability to live your truth? Explore this in your imagination.

CHAPTER 3 Owning Our Success

What attachments to external things such as work or achievements give you a sense of worth? What happens if these attachments are cut off? Who are you then?

Where in your life have you stopped hearing your truest desires? What used to make your heart beat faster with excitement?

What stops you from pursuing your truth and dreams? Look fear in the eyes and explore it. What part of it is real, and what part of it is not real? When you stop and get quiet, your heart will let you know.