Patricia Olsen - Sober Siblings

Table of Contents

Praise for Sober Siblings

An essential, straightforward, timely and compassionate guide for anyone whose brother or sister suffers from alcoholism.

MAIA SZALAVITZ, ASSOCIATE PRODUCER, MOYERS ON ADDICTION: CLOSE TO HOME, COAUTHOR OF RECOVERY OPTIONS: THE COMPLETE GUIDE

Written from love and informed by science, Sober Siblings informs and guides readers through the tragedy of addiction. The team of Olsen and Levounis is reminiscent of Bill W. and Dr. Bob, who created a remarkable social network of compassionate help from personal pain and suffering. Sober Siblings pays attention to the brothers and sisters in families that have been touched by addiction. This is a beautifully written and organized book. It has a wonderful blend of information, personal stories, straightforward direction, and a good dose of caring. I recommend this book for anyone from any family whose life has been touched by addiction; perhaps more accurately, I recommend this book for everyone. Sober Siblings will help those with addiction, those who live with and love them, and the siblings who often get caught in the family crossfire that typically accompanies addiction.

HOWARD J. SHAFFER, PH.D., C.A.S., ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR, HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL; DIRECTOR, DIVISION ON ADDICTIONS, THE CAMBRIDGE HEALTH ALLIANCE

Pat Olsens personal story and Petros Levounis expertise combine for a thoughtful, compelling, and necessary guide. With real-life anecdotes and practical advice, this is a great addition to the field.

STEPHEN ROSS M.D., DIRECTOR, DIVISION OF ALCOHOLISM AND DRUG ABUSE,

BELLEVUE HOSPITAL, NY

Utilizing both personal and research-based examples, Pat Olsen and Petros Levounis take us into the little explored and often overlooked realm of the other (sober) sibling. Their respectful and realistic approach is candid, humane and practical, covering subjects ranging from choosing the relationship desired with your actively abusing sibling to self empowerment and the choice to disconnect.

NICOLE J. CARROLL, MSW, LCSW

Patricia Olsen has contributed to numerous columns in the business section of the New York Times since 1999. Her features, essays, and profiles have also appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle magazine, USA Weekend, On Wall Street, the Chicago Tribune, More magazine, Family Circle, and Hemispheres, among other publications. She is a member of the American Medical Writers Association (AMWA), the Association of Health Care Journalists (AHCJ), the American Society of Journalists and Authors (ASJA), and the Society of American Business Editors and Writers (SABEW). She lives in Tinton Falls, New Jersey, and her Web address is www.patolsen.com.

Petros Levounis, MD, MA, is the director of The Addiction Institute of New York and chief of Addiction Psychiatry at St. Lukes and Roosevelt Hospitals in New York City. A graduate of Stanford University and the Psychiatric Institute of Columbia University, Dr. Levounis lectures extensively on addition topics throughout the United States and abroad. He chairs the Committee on Addiction Treatment of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and cochairs the Public Policy Committee of the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM). In 2008, Dr. Levounis and the Addiction Institute received the coveted Coalition Leadership Award. He lives in New York City, and his Web address is www.AddictionInstituteNY.org

PAT OLSEN

PETROS LEVOUNIS

Alcoholism is an insidious disease: It sneaks up on its victims and their families when we dont expect it. And it is seldom recognized for what it isa debilitating and damaging illness that destroys a persons relationships, emotional and physical health, and sense of belongingnessuntil the damage is severe enough that the whole family feels immobilized by it. In the 1980s and 1990s, Anne Smith introduced us to Grandchildren of Alcoholics; Robert Ackerman, in his book Children of Alcoholics, explained to us the extent of family alcoholisms deleterious impact on early development; and Claudia Black, in Double Duty, helped us understand that among children of alcoholics, those with brothers or sisters feel less isolated because they have siblings who share their struggles. Now, a decade or so later, Pat Olsen and Petros Levounis have broadened the discussion with a serious look at the pain, the sadness, and the sense of loss and anger that siblings can experience when a brother or sister becomes an addict.

We know that siblings have a unique relationship that is automatically and positively fostered in a healthy family where honesty and trust and appropriate, loving support are provided throughout a childs critical developmental years. In alcoholic families, however, the relationshipthough still uniqueis often based on shared survival in a confusing, irrational, and frightening environment. The stories that weave through this compelling book reveal a variety of families and sibling relationships; the common thread is that each sibling has recognized a brother or sisters alcoholism and has taken a particular path to recovery.

When an adult sibling slips into the family disease, feelings of denial and betrayal easily surface, followed by a sense of estrangement and hopelessness that can be devastating. The anger over the loss of a family member who should have known better is seen throughout the stories. Many brothers and sisters of alcoholics grow up without the knowledge and skills needed to confront and address alcoholism effectively in an adult sibling.

The authors help us understand that we can hate the disease that has hurt our family and still show love and support for those who are suffering, that it is important to learn about alcoholism and how to address it effectively, and that acknowledging the impact of the disease is the first step to recognizing what is necessary for personal recovery from the pain and losses it causes. Family recovery can be lifelong, and this book provides many suggestions for getting help for your sibling, your family, and yourself. Al-Anon, for example, can help provide the emotional stability needed for that recovery. And family intervention can be the catalyst for change, for recovery of a beloved sibling and his or her own family, and for the healing of the ruptured sibling relationship. There are other options for healing as well. Indeed, these pages offer much in the way of hope and helpfor both you and your sibling.

To love an alcoholic is to watch in despair as that person sinks to a level he would never willingly choose. Alcoholism robs people of their dreams and their self-respect. It can severely damage their bodies and brains, and left untreated, it can kill. It can also devastate the lives of the people who love them.

Both my brothers are alcoholics. This is the book I wish had existed years ago, for I surely could have used it. My relationship with each of my siblingsor the lack thereofhas informed my life. Ive found that others like me have strong feelings about their sibling relationships, too, no matter how long their brothers or sisters have been drinking, or how long since theyve stopped. As a journalist who often writes about health, Ive written about numerous alcoholics over the years. I told my brothers I wanted to write about our story to help other siblings and they each gave me their blessing.