Richard Templar - How to Get What You Want...: Without Having to Ask

Without Having to Ask

Richard Templar

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2012 by Richard Templar
Publishing as FT Press
Upper Saddle River, New Jersey 07458

Authorized US Licensed Edition from the original UK edition, entitled HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT WITHOUT HAVING TO ASK, 01 Edition, published by Pearson Education Limited, Richard Templar 2011.

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Printed in the United States of America

First Printing July 2011
978-0-273-75100-7 (Original UK publication)
ISBN-10: 0-13-282436-1
ISBN-13: 978-0-13282436-1

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Templar, Richard, 1950-2006.
How to get what you want : without having to ask / Richard Templar.
p. cm.
ISBN-13: 978-0-13-282436-1 (pbk. : alk. paper)
ISBN-10: 0-13-282436-1 (pbk. : alk. paper)
1. Success. 2. Success--Psychological aspects. I. Title.
BF637.S8T434 2011b
158.2--dc23
2011021751

Its easy to look at the world and think that the people who always seem to get what they want are just lucky. Actually luck has only a small part to play. Of course some people have a better start than others, but we all know people from comfortable, even cushy backgrounds who are miserable, and others who started out with nothing and have created a successful and happy life.

So whats the difference between those for whom things always seem to work out and those for whom its always a struggle? Well, if you observe other people (as I do) you can see that some people know how to get what they want, and others dont. My wife, who is nothing if not focused, comes from a decent background, but its a long way from where she is now. Sometimes people tell her how lucky she is to have the lifestyle she has, with a job that fits perfectly around the kids, to which she replies (politely but firmly), Lucky? Luck had nothing to do with it. I planned it this way.

Its true. She always knew she wanted to live in an old house in the country with cats and dogs and children and a job she could fit around them all. And Ill tell you something else. Before we ever meteight years before our first child was bornshe had the opportunity to become a free lancer. She knew she wanted kids in the future, and she thought, This will be the job I need one day, when the chance for kids comes along, so she took it. You can see why she resents being told shes lucky to have a job she can work around the children.

Theres nothing special about my wifes approach. Anyone can do it. You can do it. Forget about luckif it decides to join you for a while thats great, but you can do without it. Its just a matter of being clear about what you want, and then knowing how to go about getting it. Which is what this book is all about.

Theres a common misunderstanding that getting what you want is the territory of the superconfident, those with chutzpah, bravado, oomph, front. I guess thats because those kind of people are comfortable bossing others around and asking brazenly for what they want. But its not all about that at all. Of course, if youre not as confident or assertive as you might be, you may not like asking for things. Sure, I can understand how you feel. You dont want to put other people under pressure, or maybe you dont want to be told no. Perhaps youre just uncomfortable about baring your emotions to other people when it comes to discussing the things that really matter to you. Its OK; we can work with that.

You see, if you play your cards right, theres often no need to ask directly for what you want. A lot of the skill is in the work you put in yourself in privatethe thinking and planning. If you get that right, the jobs half done already.

On top of that, you want people to see you as someone theyd like to help and support. If you present yourself as a positive, likeable person, why would anyone say no to you, without a really good reason? And if they do have a really good reason to say nowell, there are ways to deal with that, too. Ways of helping them to say yes.

If youre not used to getting what you want, stand by to change all that. It may take you a while to develop all these skills, but theyre all achievable and you can start right away. So what are we waiting for? If this is what you want, lets do it.

RICHARD TEMPLAR

Look around you. Can you see the haves and the have nots? Of course you can. Some people just seem to have everything fall into their lap, whereas others maybe try just as hard but dont get everything. We all have good breaks and bad breaks. So why do some people go on to get what they want so often, whereas others always seem to get the short end of the stick?

Well, its a lot to do with you personally. If you get the foundations in place, youre much more likely to get what you want most of the time. So before we look later on at the techniques you can use, lets just start by considering how you can maximize your chances of getting anything you decide to go for.

Pretty obvious really. But hang on; are you really sure you know just what it is youre trying to get? Promotion maybe? A pay raise? Are you desperate for somebody to offer you a new job in his company? Or do you want to persuade your partner to cut down her hours and spend more time with you? Start a family maybe?

Lets take just one of those as an examplesay, getting promoted. OK; thats an aim. So whats your problem? If you work reasonably hard, the odds are youll get just what you want, eventually. Most of us gradually work our way up the ladder. Oh, you dont want it eventually, you want it nowis that right? Well, why didnt you say so?

And while were at it, precisely what job do you want to be promoted to? And at what pay?