Acknowledgments
I feel fortunate to have an expansive community of people who have supported me, whether it be during the early envisioning stages or the manifestation process of this book.
To those who helped plant the seed within me, Id love to give thanks to: my dad for always being a champion of my education, both indoors and out; to my mother and her mothers, grandma JuJu and grandmother Newton, for modeling writing as a path to healing; to Dr. Ritterman for your guidance in my disparate life stages; to Dana Baptiste, you and your training were a catalyst in the realization of my dharma; to the leaders of Off the Mat, Into the WorldSeane Corn, Hala Khouri, and Suzanne Sterlingyour trainings helped activate my passion in action; and to Tim Farnham for your encouragement and heart at the start.
In the later stages of the book I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to my Widjiwagan community, especially the humorous and wise reflections on being a parent in the modern era, as well as Doug Kleemeier who kept me nourished in the final months before my deadline; to my clients, thank you for being my teachers; to the women in my writing group at ModernWell and the colleagues in my consultation groups, I could have never endured the isolation of therapy and writing without you; to my friends who offered to read sections of the book, whether I gave you the opportunity or not, just knowing you were available made a huge difference; to the TEDx Minneapolis team for believing my ideas were worth spreading and coaching me on a talk that helped hone the book; to Katie Silcox and Mariah Rooney, two experts in your fields, thank you for taking the time to share about the important work you each do; and to Lisa Venticinque for the photos and your gorgeous aesthetic, which always captures just what Im looking for.
A mighty thank you to Andrea Baker for taking on whatever administrative task I threw your way from time to time; you were a lifesaver. To Beth Frankl and Emily Coughlin at Shambhala Publications for your wise feedback that helped add finesse to this project. And heaps of gratitude from deep in my heart to Linda Sparrowe. Linda, you were there with me every step of the way, even when my musings were clunky and un-pleasurable to read! Thank you for believing in me. I truly lucked out working with an editor like you.
CREDITS
Unwritten, Words and Music by Natasha Bedingfield, Danielle Brisebois, and Wayne Rodrigues. Copyright 2004 EMI Music Publishing Ltd., EMI Blackwood Music Inc. and WSRJ Music. All Rights on behalf of EMI Music Publishing Ltd. and EMI Blackwood Music Inc. Administered by Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, 424 Church Street, Suite 1200, Nashville, TN 37219. International copyright secured. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted by permission of Hal Leonard LLC.
Sexual Healing, Words and Music by Marvin Gaye, Odell Brown, and David Ritz. Copyright 1982 EMI April Music Inc., EMI Blackwood Music Inc. and Ritz Writes. All Rights Administered by Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, 424 Church Street, Suite 1200, Nashville, TN 37219. International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted by permission of Hal Leonard LLC.
INTRODUCTION
Pleasure to the People
In a world full of challenging problems, why is pleasure so important? Why are we even talking about it? Because pleasure is our birthright. It keeps us resilient and fosters empathy. And we need to reclaim it now, more than ever, to stay connected to ourselves and to one another. After all, here in the US, we live in a time of fear and angst, bombarded with reports of mass shootings and riots, planetary destruction, viral pandemics, and crises of all kinds as an outgrowth of the unfair systems and structures in place. It can all be too much to bear; so overwhelming that we rage or shut down and disengage. Wanting to escape is completely understandable, but our methods of checking outdrugs and alcohol, food, overspending, screen time, overworkingare too easy to abuse. On top of all that, with everything going on in the world, many of us feel guilty prioritizing our own pleasures.
I get it, but I dont buy it. Paradoxically, as scientific studies confirm, we actually need to engage more, not less. We need to find time for pleasure, connection, and intimacy in order to soothe and heal, to strengthen our resolve as well as our nervous systems. We need to feel connected to ourselves and the innate healing capacities of our bodies in order to help us connect with each other.
All of us, every body, wants and deserves pleasure and joy. No matter our gender, sexual orientation, race, class, religion, political leanings, or relationship status, we all deserve a life of pleasurable moments that cultivate joy. In a capitalist culture with a history of white-bodied supremacy, access and opportunity to lifes pleasures has not been equal. How do we reclaim pleasure for all in a country of disparity? How do we find whole-body health in an unhealthy world? Embodying pleasure is a path to liberation and a form of defiance from the systems that try to limit, judge, or hold us back.
The Pleasure Is All Yours is born of my belief that disconnection from our body, our community, and one another keeps us from accessing kindness and experiencing healthy pleasures. This profound disconnection is at the core of our personal pain and our collective dis-ease. To embody pleasure is not frivolous; it is an essential aspect of being human. And being human means more than just going through the motions; it means feeling the full spectrum of emotions, including pleasure and intimacy in all its myriad forms. It means being present to all that is happening in the worldthe suffering and the joyand holding these contradictions within us in order to awaken our ability to care for ourselves and others.