Cody Alan - Hears the Thing

Hears the Thing

Copyright 2021 by Cody Alan

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published by Harper Horizon, an imprint of HarperCollins Focus LLC.

Any internet addresses, phone numbers, or company or product information printed in this book are offered as a resource and are not intended in any way to be or to imply an endorsement by Harper Horizon, nor does Harper Horizon vouch for the existence, content, or services of these sites, phone numbers, companies, or products beyond the life of this book.

Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version. Public domain.

This is a work of nonfiction. The events and experiences detailed herein are all true and have been faithfully rendered as remembered by the author, to the best of his ability. Some names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

ISBN 978-0-7852-4929-0 (eBook)

ISBN 978-0-7852-4915-3 (HC)

Epub Edition August 2021 9780785249290

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021939409

Printed in the United States of America

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To Mom and Dad, with love.

CONTENTS

THERE ARE PEOPLE IN YOUR life you dont recall meeting because it feels like theyve always been there. Thats where Cody Alan lives in mine. Hes one of those people who you feel like you went to school with... heck, he is one of those people you went to school with: friendly, relatable, likable, easy to be around, easy to talk to. Hes also one of those friends you have where, no matter how many weeks or months pass between seeing each other, youre able to pick right back up from where you left off, simply by saying, So, anyway...

What makes Cody so good as an interviewer is his ability to make you feel comfortable. Although Im sure hes always well prepared, I never feel like hes thinking about his next question. Theres always an authentic connection with him because hes totally present. He pays attention to someones answer, then asks the next question within that answer. Cody is so easy to talk to that every one of our interviews feels like part of the same ongoing conversation about life, love, family, music....

That comfort level stems from the fact that he knows how to listen. I mean really listen. Listening is imperative for growth, for connectivity, for being of service to someone else, for the creation of music and so much more. Sometimes listening is all thats requiredbut its not necessarily as easy as Cody makes it look.

The ability to react openly to an environment or situation takes a kind of muscle memory, like a bird landing on a branch. Its a complex maneuver, and if he thought too hard about how hes going to land, hed probably miss or crash into the tree trunk. In the same way, that listening muscle develops over a lifetime of caring and of having genuine curiosity about others.

To listen well you also need to slow everything down, to block out distractions and be in that moment, so the person you are speaking with is all there is. It requires patience to give someone the space they need to complete their thought and speak their truth. You need to be comfortable enough in those silences, those pauses, to enable the person you are listening to let out what needs to come out, without finishing their sentences or making assumptions.

To some degree, I think that level of patience is becoming a lost art because we dont get many situations to work on it. We have the instant ability to access many things that interest us, whether its streaming music, surfing the web, going down rabbit holes on YouTube, or buying something online and having it delivered the next day. Weve grown accustomed to instant gratification in so many areas of life that weve been deprived of the opportunity to learn patience. If you were to pray, God, give me patience, it wouldnt just be given to you: youd be put in a traffic jam or thrown into the line at the DMV! Patience must be learned.

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to practice patience and listening with Cody. Wed just finished an interview session and were catching up on each others lives. I could hear in his voice that there was something significant he wanted to say to me. It was something personal, and I was deeply touched that he felt we were at a level of our friendship where he could confide in me. (Cody knows how seriously I take anonymity, and that Id take anything he said to me to my grave.) I was also grateful that, with me, he knew hed be understood, supported, and not judged in any way. I wanted to be a place of love and support for him, period.

Since then, Cody has gone on to reveal his truth to the world. Hes become a major part of Nashvilles growth as an inclusive community that is supportive of people as they seek to be their authentic selves.

What a great place to build from.

Keith Urban

IT MIGHT SOUND WEIRD THAT a music and television personality who makes his living talking on air would write a book centered on how to shut up and let others speak. But I pride myself on being a professional listener in a world where no one hears each other anymore. Actively listening without judgment and showing empathy, making eye contact with the person you are speaking with, and mirroring their emotions can work miracles. While our social media screams Look at me! Listen to me! Ive always loved hearing the stories of others. When someone feels heard, youre giving them permission to be their true, authentic self. I make my living getting country artists to open up about their lives, realizing thats where the best country music comes from: real life. And Im able to do this because my listening skills have helped me establish a good rapport and sense of trust that allows them to be vulnerable, even when millions of people are listening!

This superpower has always been there. As a kid, I possessed natural curiosity and an empathy for other people. I asked questions, watched their reactions, paid attention to body language and to what was not said as much as what was. I was hypersensitive to how someone was feeling, and always zeroed in on people in the room who seemed awkward or unhappy, showing concern and asking friendly questions to draw them out of their shells. My mom used to call me her ball of sunshine because, even as a toddler, Id do whatever it took to get someone to laugh or break into a smile.

I was also intensely nosy. Not in a mean or intrusive way. I just loved people and wanted to find out whatever I could to make a connection. Instinctively I knew just how far to probe or how much to share to make someone feel comfortable enough to open up to me. It was a skill that helped this kid win friends in school and throughout my life. That curiosity about others kept me rich in all kinds of relationships. And damn, Im good at getting country artists to spill the tea!

But the one voice I wasnt listening to enough was my own. For years, Id been deaf to my authentic self. I was a good listener to others in part because I was desperate to shut down the inner voice that was telling me who I truly was. There was always that invisible wall. As open as I may have seemed, my reluctance to let people in and share more of who I was limited how deep I could go. Ironically, being more willing to give to others has better equipped me to receive. I became a better listener, a better communicator, and a happier person when I finally flexed that compassionate listening muscle on myself.