Yvonne Sandomir - The Invisible Girl

The Invisible Girl

A Memoir

Yvonne Sandomir

Legacy Book Press LLC

Camanche, Iowa

Copyright 2021 Yvonne Sandomir

Cover art by Yvonne Sandomir

Cover design by Rusty Aper

In certain instances, names and identifying characteristics for entities and individuals have been changed. As it is with all personal narratives, this one is subjective. This story is told from the authors perspective and her memories; she recognizes that everyone remembers events differently.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

ISBN: 978-1-7375926-1-7

Library of Congress Case Number: 1-10897947481

Acknowledgments

Thank you to Laurens Kids for its work on preventing child abuse and healing survivors, to which ten percent of the royalties from the sale of this book will be donated.

I would like to express my very great appreciation to two editors who helped me immensely throughout this process: Elizabeth Ridley, freelance editor with ServiceScape, and Heidi, also a freelance editor with ServiceScape. Thank you so much for helping me develop and structure my story to be the best it can be. I deeply appreciate your forethought and insightful assessment. I would also like to thank Rogelio Small with Blue Gem Productions. Thank you for all your efforts involved in this endeavor.

I offer a special thank you to my therapist, Laura. You are an angel on earth, and Ill be eternally grateful for all youve done to help me heal. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am particularly grateful for my husband and his everlasting love, support, and comfort throughout this process. Youre my rock, my best friend, and the love of my life. I love you SO much.

I am especially thankful for my mom, dad, brothers, and extended family. Thank you for being so supportive of this journey.

Finally, I wish to acknowledge my two daughters. Girlies, I love you more than words can express. I did it all for you.

DEDICATION

For the other 42+ million.

Trigger warning

This book deals with child sexual abuse. While the author has taken great lengths to ensure the subject matter is dealt with in a compassionate and respectful manner, it may be troubling for some readers. Discretion is advised.

Preface

M y biggest fear about sharing my story has always been what people will assume about me. Its terrifying to share such personal details about my life with strangers, but I realize it will be worth it in the end. I give you fair warning that my story includes material that wont be easy to read yet is relevant to ongoing issues in society. I genuinely believe my triumph over tragedy story will help others, because many people share these traumas with me.

My goal is to testify to the fact that even though we cant change the negative experiences weve endured, every one of us is capable of healing. Atrocious things happen to good people all the time, but its possible to recover and learn how to stop self-sabotaging your healing efforts.

In June 2020, Laurens Kids (www.laurenskids.org) reported that one out of three girls and one out of five boys in the United States alone will be victims of sexual abuse before their eighteenth birthdays. Shockingly, Laurens Kids also estimates that seventy-five percent of victims dont report within the first year of their abuse. Forty-five percent of victims keep their abuse a secret for at least five years. Many stay silent for decades while many others never disclose their abuse at all.

These stats are not surprising, given that Laurens Kids reports that ninety percent of abusers are people the children know, love, and trust, while thirty to forty percent of perpetrators are members of the victims own family. These statistics are staggering, considering the same source also states its possible to prevent ninety-five percent of child sexual abuse through education and awareness.

This horrifying data illustrates how prevalent child sexual abuse is across the United States. While sexual harassment and misconduct have become a focus of recent headlines, we hear about the epidemic of child sexual abuse and neglect less frequently.

Im here to amplify the conversation, because there are millions of children suffering in silence among us. Child sexual abuse is a cancer of the soul that has metastasized throughout our society. These children grow up to join the walking wounded, the more than forty-two million adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and trauma in the United States, alone. Tragically, that number continues to increase, but with a dedicated support system and a diligent therapy regimen, there can be life after unimaginable childhood trauma.

Only now, in my forties, am I gaining the tools I need to dig out the distorted seeds my toxic environment planted in my psyche as a child. As a kid, I survived in an upside-down world where it was common to be around precarious people, destructive relationships, brutal domestic violence, sexual predators, and drug addiction. Due to my inhibited childhood, Im an adult survivor of child abuse, family violence, sexual abuse, neglect, and multiple traumas.

I knew from an early age that the life my parents exposed me to would not be my life when I grew up. I believed with all my fragile heart that someday, no matter how difficult my circumstances, there would come a time for me to fleeand I did. But, before a person gets to where they are going, they need to know from where they came. For most people who have a stable and supportive home life, its easy to reminisce. But for others like me, recounting my history isnt a nostalgic process.

Ive always known Id have a story to tell. As the traumas started piling up in my adolescence and teenage years, I knew I was surviving horrendous acts committed against me that Id write about someday, and here I am. This book is indeed an assemblage of my grisly traumas, but most importantly, its representation of my long-fought journey to healing and true happiness.

Most people face tough decisions at some point in their lives, and I was no exception. When given a choice between fighting to make a difference or staying on a path of self-destruction, I chose to not only make a change but to be the change. Making the change is the physical act of changing behaviors. Being the difference is making a conscious effort to keep the momentum going every day.

If you remember nothing else from my journey, please remember this: Its okay to ask for help, its okay to tell your story, and its okay to feel all the things you dont want to feel. These are normal emotions in response to going through abnormal, traumatic experiences. I promise you that if you commit to getting the help you need, no matter what youve been through, you can heal from your past. But be prepared because it takes more than stepping into the therapists office. It demands commitment, vulnerability, and enormous pain. I once thought that if I can do it, anyone can; however, with the help of therapy, Im learning Ive come as far as I have because of the time and effort Ive put in.