Colin Goh - The Bonnie, Bonnie Banks of Singapura

The Bonnie, Bonnie Banks of Singapura

Colin Goh, 2020

Published by Ethos Books, an imprint

of Pagesetters Services Pte Ltd

#06-131 Midview City

28 Sin Ming Lane

Singapore 573972

www.ethosbooks.com.sg

www.facebook.com/ethosbooks

The publisher reserves all rights to this title.

Except for the quotation of short passages for the purpose of criticism and review, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

This is a work of fiction.

The names, characters and incidents portrayed in

it are the work of the authors imagination.

All illustrations by Colin Goh

Cover design and layout by Fellow

Digital conversion by Faris Digital Solutions Pte Ltd

ISBN 978-981-14-3574-4

The Bonnie, Bonnie Banks of Singapura
or: The Lament of William Farquhar

Sung by the ghost of the first British Resident and Commandant of colonial Singapore, William Farquhar, this is a complaint complete with classy rhyme. Farquhar gives his account of his struggle and work in developing Singapura, and the unreasonable demands of an absentee boss, one Sir Thomas Stamford Bingley Raffles.

About Fellow

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The studio endeavours to listen closely to the nuances and needs of each project to craft sensitive and resonant communication for its audience. Selected clients include Asian Film Archive, Gillman Barracks, Malay Heritage Centre, National Library Board, OH! Open House, Tsao Foundation as well as independent content creators and curators.

FOREWORD

Ive been intrigued by William Farquhar ever since I first learned the traditional way of pronouncing his surname.
(Which tells you a bit about the kind of person I am.)

I actually included Farquhar in my very first filmTalkingCock the Movie (2002)which is also where I first depicted Raffles as a blithering egomaniac and Farquhar as the guy who knew what was actually going on. (You can see the clip on YouTube.) Ever since then, Ive been haunted by the idea of making a comedy series about Farquharsort of like Blackadder meets Phua Chu Kang. Until someone approaches me with a reasonable budget, I guess this little project is the closest Ill come to that.

Although I did a fair amount of research, Im definitely not a historian, so apologies for any factual errors or deficiencies in my account. In fact, readers should regard The Bonnie, Bonnie Banks of Singapura as nothing but satirical doggerel. (As you will soon see, I am also definitely not a poet.)

Pre-Colonial Singapore is a fascinating subject, though, and this project is leading me to read more about itfrom works by actual historians! May my little ode to Singapores forgotten founding father encourage you to do likewise.

Colin Goh, 2019

Still from TalkingCock the Movie (2002), starring Neil Humphreys as Raffles and David Bottomley as Farquhar.

PHOTO: GERALD GAY

Can be sung (sing, dont singup to you lah)

to the tune of the traditional Scottish song

The Bonnie Banks o Loch Lomond

(Google it!)

Bagpipes always optional.

In Greyfriars Kirk in the Scots town of Perth

A tomb sits grey and primly

And some say at night, you can hear a ghostly voice

Of someone cursing, Ooh, that bloody Bingley!

CHROUS I

Oh, he took the credit, for all of my merit

In buildin up auld Singapura

Now there isnt een a street with the Farquhar

name on it

On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Singapura!

The voice, people say, is of auld Willy Farquhar

A soldier in the East India Compny

And the grudge that he holds gainst a fella named Raffles

Whose full name was Sir Thomas Stamford Bingley

[Chorus I]

I was already Raja of the State of Melaka

When Bingley was a sickly paper pusher

Who somehow blagged his way into leadin some foul play

Like invadin Java.

[Chorus I]

Then he was told to go, after losing lots of dough

As Javas first Lieutenant Guvnor

But Bingley, that blighter, got lucky and was knighted

For writing The History of Java.

[Chorus I]

They sent him to Bengkulu

(While I finished up in Melaka)

So he plotted and such to get a leg up on the Dutch

And bamboozled ol Lord Hastings in Calcutta.

Id already been achattin with the chiefs in Riau-Lingga

To start up other spots in the area

When Bingley got excited oer some island hed decided

Was just perfect for the Brits, despite malaria.

[Chorus I]

The isle of Singapore (in Malay: the Lion City)

So named when a king saw some kitty

(He probly saw a tiger, but tis probably much wiser

If we all just acted blur, said his committee.)

[Chorus I]

I did the negotiatin with the local royal chieftains

Who were dealin with some big succession drama

While Bingley, where was he? Spreadin his fertility

Makin Lady Sophia his babys mama.

I put in all the legwork, and all the elbow grease

Booked our vessel bound for Singapu-ra

Sent a Chinse man ashore to perform a quick recce

Before Bingley and I both went ashore-a.

[Chorus I]

I walked all oer the place with my fellow officer

To start plannin for the town and harbour

And Bingley? Where was he? Pourin out a cuppa tea

Talkin cock with the Temenggong in his parlour.

[Chorus I]