Mary Ostyn - A Sane Womans Guide to Raising a Large Family

I sit in my cozy living room, rocking my toddler as she drops off to sleep in my arms. The chair creaks. The fire crackles. A few minutes ago my teenaged sons efficiently cleared the remains of dinner, and my sixteen-year-old daughter tossed the last laundry of the day into the washer. Appliances now hum with blessed purpose.

My husband is lying on the floor, reading bedtime stories to everyone who cares to listen: first a Bible story and then a chapter from a Narnia book. Younger children crowd around him like a litter of puppies, alternately listening and poking nearby siblings.

The teenagers have brought their own books to the living room to read during the younger childrens story time. Now and then they look up from their books and listen to the more exciting bits of the story my husband is reading.

I sit thinking of tomorrows Thanksgiving plans. The air is rich with the delightful smell of apples and cinnamon, betraying the presence of two pies in the oven. The pies were made this afternoon by my teenaged son. My eighteen-year-old daughter added the final touches to the crust. My son, though willing to assemble the pie, felt that pie primping was too much to ask of him.

Thinking of tomorrows meal, Im glad for the thirty-five peeled potatoes gleaming in a bowl of water in the fridge. The under-twelve set peeled every single one this afternoon so wed have less to do tomorrow.

As I sit soaking in the happiness of the moment, hearing and smelling and seeing and touching my family all around me, I am struck by the peace of it, the warm glow in this house so rich with loved ones. My Thanksgiving has already begun. At moments like this, parents of large families know without a doubt were the richest people in the world.

When most people think of life in a big family, they picture haggard moms in desperate need of a referees whistle. They imagine dads mortgaging their souls to Safeway. They envision enough laundry to fill the Grand Canyon.

Ill admit it: there are moments where my eardrums throb and I wish for noise-canceling headphones. A hefty slice of my husbands paycheck does get chewed and swallowed. And the laundry? In a month Im guessing mine would fill a good-sized swimming pool.

But the decision to grow your family consists of much more than adding up noise and groceries and laundry, and gauging your tolerance of each. You also have to factor in the multiplication of hugs, the many more funny sayings, and the additional joy of witnessing each child succeed at each new phase of life. I think most parents would agree that a single lisped I love you at the right moment can easily outbalance a bathtub full of laundry.

So how do you tell if you have what it takes to parent another child or two? How nutsor how saintlydo you have to be?

Confession time: when someone asks me how many kids I have and the number ten comes out of my mouth, I sometimes still feel faintly surprised myself. After all, I swore as a teenager that Id never have more than four. My husband and I didnt set out to have a mega-family, and we certainly didnt imagine that wed end up with six adopted children. But we are so glad to have been led this direction in life.

My husband and I are still very much in the thick of this parenting journey. At the writing of this book, our kids ranged in age from three to twenty. But already weve been so blessed by our experience that wed love to encourage other families considering stepping out on this adventure. The purpose of this book is twofold:

To help you decide if you have what it takes to parent another child or two

To equip you to more effectively tackle the job of raising a busy family

I write from a mothers point of view, and many references in this book reflect that. But the vast majority of this information is usable by dads as well. So if you are a dad reading this book, welcome! This book is for you too.

Right off the top, lets tackle that Mother Teresa myth. Thankfully, sainthood is not required or else Id have been excommunicated years ago. However, the last time my kids played dump and mix with every board game we own, I did thinkjust before my head flew offthat a little more patience would be handy at times.

While sharing trials and joys along my own journey to mega-motherhood, Ill talk about the issues families face. What if you and your spouse are having a hard time agreeing about your ideal number of children? What if your relatives think big families are nuts? Could you meet the needs of multiple children without drowning in sheer neediness? Will your finances stretch to include more children? How is parenting a large family different from having just one or two children?

Heres the quick answer: not only is it possible to raise a large family without going broke or crazy, it can also be a joyous, deeply satisfying adventure.

When my husband and I announced our first pregnancy, people were full of congratulations. Announcement number two was greeted with equal joy. The third time around, the celebratory champagne was noticeably absent. Instead came questions.

Is this it? people asked. Are you going to quit if you get your boy?