Patsy Clairmont - I Second That Emotion: Untangling Our Zany Feelings

I Second That Emotion

2008 by Patsy Clairmont

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The New King James Version (NKJV), 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

Other Scripture references are from the following sources: The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

New American Standard Bible (NASB), 1960, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation.

ISBN 978-0-8499-1949-7

Printed in the United States of America
08 09 10 11 12 13 QW 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Carol Porter,

whose fifty-year friendship

has been one of

Gods sweetest gifts

to my life

Contents

Albert Camus

Dorothy Thompson

Phyllis Diller

Dave Barry

Dale Carnegie

Miss Piggy

Dave Barry

William Shakespeare

Erich Fromm

Carl Sagan

Maurice Freehill

Sonja Henie

Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

Hey, who supersized my emotions? I dont remember ordering an extra large wad of rubber-band emotions at the take-out window of life, but, honey, Ive got em! No wonder I sometimes snarl and snap at folks; its all those elastic knots inside me.

This isnt a new condition for me, but menopause hasnt exactly enhanced the situation. Instead, it has added, ahem, emotional dynamics that my family claims I didnt need. I took that as a compliment.

I thought by the time a woman reached my age, she pretty much had her emotions cinched in. Dont get me wrong, Ive improved. Honest. Les, my husband of forty-five years, is still alive, and thats proof Im doing better (just kidding... sorta). The poor guy has had his hands full, dealing in the past with my radical reactions and now my hot-flashing hormones.

I have come to understand that life is constantly pressing our buttons because people, circumstances, changes, hormonal shifts, and our emotions (his too) combine to make us works in progress.

I hope thats a relief for you to hear. You arent the only one who at times feels that you have more mood swings than brain cells and more hormones than hallelujahs. Nor are you the only one who is married to a man with a set of reactive emotions. Ive raised one husband and two sons, and I promise you that men have emotional cycles too.

Emotions arent an indictment against our spirituality but rather proof of our humanity. Whew!

So take a deep breath and pour a cup of green tea. No, wait, go ahead and pop a dark chocolate bonbon. We girls are in this together. And theres nothing like girlfriend gab to help us feel that we arent weird but, instead, are intricately woven together with fine golden filaments... Okay, would you believe with a surplus of colored rubber bands? But whats a person supposed to do with all these elasticized ribbons?

Well, Les and I paid our first visit to the Container Store recently. At this stage of life we call a visit to a new store a date. We hold hands and walk down the aisles saying, Oh, look at that... Ooh... Ah. I know, I know, that really douses the sizzle in romance.

Anyway, I noticed the employees were wearing T-shirts emblazoned with the words Contain Yourself. It made me giggle.

We saw every kind of container to provide us a custom place to stash our stuff. Les and I left an hour later with big grins and enough containers to organize a flea market.

But the T-shirts kept coming back to my mind: Contain Yourself. What a great idea for our zany emotions, but how does one do that without imploding? Chances are, even the most calm and relaxed among us will, before our tour of duty is done down here on earth, pop her cork, spewing rubber bands hither and yon, because humanity is hard to keep under wraps.

I guess we could try to cram our irritations in under-bed storage containers, or jam our crankiness into hatboxes and shove them to the backs of our closets, or toss our bad attitudes into hampers and nail the tops shut. But, alas, we cant. I know; I tried.

What we can do is to recognize that our little rubber-band fits can provide clues in our quest to unravel our emotions. Snappy answers, sarcasm, overreactions, passive-aggressive behavior, pouting, outbursts, and cynicism are some of angers containers.

We often think our anger is someone elses fault. Why, if he hadnt done what he did, if she hadnt said what she said... yada, yada, yada. That approach is as old as Eden and doesnt hold apple juice.

And I, Ms. Dribble Cup herself, should know since anger has been both my habitual covert and overt hiding place. After living with the havoc my anger created relationally and internally, I was forced to seek alternative ways to handle my inner upheaval. Most importantly, I learned anger is about us... we might be overtaxed, we may not be feeling well, or possibly someone has said or done something that snaps an old rubber band from our past. We may not even be aware that our strong response isnt so much about today but, instead, showcases our yesterday and another person or situation. Something similar in the circumstance has tightened a knot andbam!we react.

Recently that happened to me. A friend, whom well call Gilda, made a comment that sent me into an emotional tailspin. The statement wasnt mean or unkind, but nonetheless a tangle of painful feelings swelled up in me.

After a while I had a little chat with me. It went something like this:

Honey-girl, that reaction is way too big for the comment. You need to get a grip. What are you feeling?

Like Ive done something wrong, but I dont know what it is. I feel shamed.

When in the past did you feel like this?

When I was a child, came my immediate answer to myself.

Who made you feel that way?

I instantly knew.

Im not suggesting we should be our own full-time therapists, but sometimes we can fill the bill. I ended up in a split-personality conversation because I couldnt stop obsessing about the exchange between Gilda and me until I examined where all those rubber-band feelings originated. Once I looked at it objectively and answered the questions honestly, the mulling stopped.

Were wonderfully made, I know, but, boy, we surely are emotionally intricate.

A number of years ago I brought to a speaking engagement a bulging wad of rubber bands that I had knotted together to show women how I often feel emotionally. I had no idea how many others felt the same way until I pulled that colorful mass out of my bag and heard the roar and applause of the gals in attendance. Lets face it: we gals are filthy rich emotionally, which can be taxing.

In the chapters ahead well pull some of our stretchy emotions out to examine them individually. This wont be an exhaustive look at our feelings, but instead think of it more like a rubber-band spaa place to be refreshed, revived, and maybe even repaired a little.

For the many years that God has generously allowed me a speaking platform, I have addressed two topics: womens emotions and the counsel of Gods Word. I might approach those subjects from different angles and from different life seasons, but these are issues Im passionate about. Thats because Ive been a cracked pot full of rubber-band emotions in need of divine counsel for as long as I can remember.