Buddy Mendez Ph.D. - Surviving Your Childs Adolescence: A Christian Guide for Meeting Your Teens Deepest Needs

Surviving Your Childs Adolescence Endorsements

Buddy Mendez has made an incredible impact, in our church and community. I highly recommend anything he writes including, Surviving Your Childs Adolescence .

Eric Geiger, Senior Pastor, Mariners Church

Parents of teens are often confused about both navigating the long-term direction of their kid, as well as anxious about solving the near-term struggles that come up so frequently. They need healthy balanced perspective for the first, and practical tools to deal with the second. Buddy Mendezs book is a great contribution at both levels, bringing sanity, happiness and direction to their relationships with their adolescents. Highly recommended.

John Townsend, Ph.D.
New York Bestselling author of the Boundaries series
Founder, Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling and Townsend Leadership Program

Parenting a teenager can sometimes feel like youre navigating an important journey without a map. With this book, Dr. Mendez not only provides clear direction, he serves as a compassionate guide to helping you become the best parent you can be. How? By understanding the deep and abiding needs your child has and showing you how to meet them. Dont miss out on this grounded and practical message.

Les Parrott, Ph.D.
#1 New York Times bestselling author of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts and Helping your Struggling Teenager

SURVIVING
YOUR CHILDS
ADOLESCENCE

A Christian Guide for Meeting
Your Teens Deepest Needs

BUDDY MENDEZ, P h .D.

Copyright 2021 Buddy Mendez, Ph.D.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by
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without the written permission of the author except in the case
of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author
and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of
the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of
people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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All Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English
Standard Version (ESV), Copyright 2001 by Crossway, a
publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2024-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2026-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2025-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021901509

WestBow Press rev. date: 3/2/2021

To Aaron, Brennon, Malia, and Blake. Thank you for teaching
me so much about parenting. Your feedback, grace, and
support have blessed me more than you can ever imagine.

Contents

Adolescents are walking contradictions. I often quote this phrase to my clients, colleagues, friends, and even family members. It seems that teenage behavior is often confusing and at times even paradoxical. No wonder parenting adolescents is so challenging. Adolescents beg for independence yet depend on parents to feed them, clothe them, and clean up after them. Adolescents prefer solving problems alone and yet often ask parents to rescue them from trouble. They want parents to be interested and attentive, yet they complain about parents being intrusive and smothering. My twenty-nine-year-old once said during his teenage years that we were like a dark shadow that followed him wherever he went. Adolescents cringe when parents hug them, yet they nestle into Moms arms in times of distress. Adolescents threaten to move away as soon as possible, yet they are anxious about moving out. Parenting an adolescent can seem confusing at best and exhausting at worst. The truth is that adolescents need both independence and dependence, both autonomy and connection, and both our interest and our disinterest. Although teens may try to look like adults, they still have several psychological needs that parents are uniquely positioned to meet.

It is normal for parents to feel unprepared for the daunting task of navigating through the adolescent years. Because of the trepidation often associated with this important challenge, I chose to write this book. My aim is to help parents help their teenagers. This book is an antidote to what I so often witness in my work as a clinical psychologist. I have seen hundreds of adolescents who exhibit a wide variety of presenting problems and symptoms, which are actually disguised manifestations of unmet psychological needs. Wise parents focus on the satisfaction of these underlying psychological needs. In this book, I have chosen to explore ten primary developmental needs from both psychological and biblical perspectives. I have applied my personal experience as a parent of four teenagers, a full-time university professor, and a clinical psychologist in private practice. I hope and pray this book will better equip parents to meet the deepest needs of their sometimes perplexing and always cherished sons and daughters.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:12

Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.

Ephesians 5:810

GOD HAS GIVEN parents the mandate to train up a child in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6). What does this mean? First, parents use everything they know about their son or daughter to discern the purposes God has uniquely designed them to pursue. Second, parents do everything possible to create an environment where the fulfillment of their purpose is most likely to occur. There are two important areas where parental discernment is vital to the health and well-being of adolescents. The first is what I call divine design. The second I simply call character.

Divine Design

Divine design refers to the biblical truth that every person has a unique plan and means for glorifying God. The prophet Jeremiah writes, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). It is vital that parents make every effort to discern the unique design of their teenager so they can best facilitate the fulfillment of Gods plan for his or her life. In my private practice, one of the most common mistakes I see is that parents think it is their responsibility to determine how their teenager should live in order to find meaning, purpose, and ultimately fulfillment in life. Instead, the Bible teaches that parents should discern the way God has uniquely designed their son or daughter. Paul confirms this in his letter to the Ephesians: For we are Gods workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them (Ephesians 2:10).