Shale Erin - Adolescence: a guide for parents

Parenting adolescents is challenging, exciting and probably one of the most potentially rewarding tasks you will ever face. Most adolescents, however, rebel against their parents to some extent. It is the duty of each new generation to educate and enlighten the previous one. Adolescents want excitement, they want thrills, and they are not always sensible. They want privacy, independence and adult status, sometimes without showing that they are capable of, or deserving of, any of this. Most of all, however, deep down they want the love, respect and acceptance of their families.

Many parents describe raising an adolescent as demanding, terrifying, exhausting and sanity-threatening. How often have you overheard comments such as Why dont teenagers come with a manual and operating instructions?, Nothing I do is right! and Im going crazy!? Take heart. You are in excellent company. Raising adolescents today is a lot like trying to pick up mercury with a fork.

Recently, British Prime Minister Tony Blair declared that being a parent is tougher that being prime minister. When he adorned the front pages of newspapers across the world at that time, it was not because of some international crisis but because his oldest son, Euan Blair, had been arrested for being drunk and incapable in Londons Leicester Square after finishing his exams. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall in the Blair household that night. Even more recently, the nineteen-year-old twin daughters of US President George W. Bush, Jenna and Barbara Bush, also featured in the news, accused of trying to buy alcohol with someone elses identity card. The legal drinking age in Texas is twenty-one. It is comforting to know that even a prime minister and a president can have a few headaches with their offspring.

We decided to write Adolescence because we identified the need for a book to help take some of the fear out of parenting. Knowledge is power. Knowledge is also very reassuring. An overwhelming number of parents we have encountered in our counselling work are searching for that reassurance and for practical suggestions on how to best nurture the young people they care for so enormously: their children.

Many parents also find parenting a lonely business because they are afraid to share their concerns with other parents. Parenting need not be lonely. Often you simply need an opportunity to hear how other parents have approached similar situations, to relax and to laugh about it all. So, in addition to the insights we offer into adolescent behaviour, we have also included some reflections from other parents and, most importantly, from young people themselves. Major concerns such as adolescent moodiness, drugs, depression, sex, relationships, suicide and eating disorders are covered in detail.

Parents cannot be expected to have all of the answers all of the time. You cannot be expected to make the right decision the first time, every time. And you cannot do it all alone. What is important, however, is that you show your adolescents that you love them, that you are aware of what is possibly upsetting them and that you know some helpful things to say and do. We also suggest what to avoid saying and doing. It is much easier to support young people if you are aware of the particular issues and tasks facing them. In order to throw some light onto what can be a mystifying period, we will briefly outline the major stages of adolescent development and give practical suggestions to make life easier for all concerned.

In writing Adolescence we have tried to come as close as possible to providing The Book of Instructions parents have long thought should come with each child. Parenting can and should be enjoyable once you come to grips with a few of the inside secrets of adolescent development. There will be some hard times, trying times, but there are always ways to start over and to strengthen the precious relationship you have with your children. We outline practical and achievable strategies to help you build a more positive relationship with your adolescent. Armed with knowledge, strategies, determination and, most of all, love, you are off to a great start. We also recommend that you hold onto your sense of humour. Young people appreciate it when parents can loosen up and laugh when things dont exactly go to plan.

Parenting is the most important job in the world. You are intimately involved in the development and evolution of a unique individual. The guidance and support you can provide is priceless. Adolescents may only comprise a small percentage of our population, but they represent 100 percent of our future.

How can you get inside the seemingly complicated head of your adolescent? How can you best protect, nurture and love your adolescent? Read on.

Erin Shale
Michael Carr-Gregg
January, 2002