Mary Goyer - The Healing Power of Empathy: True Stories About Transforming Relationships

The Healing Power of Empathy

True Stories About Transforming Relationships

2019 PuddleDancer Press

A PuddleDancer Press Book

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other mechanical or electronic methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for use as brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses as permitted by copyright law. To request permission, contact the publisher at the following address, Attention: Permissions Coordinator.

PuddleDancer Press, Permissions Dept.

2240 Encinitas Blvd., Ste. D-911, Encinitas, CA 92024

Tel: 1-760-652-5754 Fax: 1-760-274-6400

Ordering Information

Please contact Independent Publishers Group, Tel: 312-337-0747; Fax: 312-337-5985; Email: for other contact information and details about ordering online.

Editor: Mary Goyer

Copyeditor: Tandem Editing LLC

Cover and interior design: Shannon Bodie, Lightbourne.com

Manufactured in the United States of America

1st Printing, June 2019

23 22 21 20 19 1 2 3 4 5

ISBN: 978-1-934336-17-5

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Goyer, Mary, editor.

Title: The healing power of empathy : true stories about transforming relationships /edited by Mary Goyer.

Description: Encinitas, CA : PuddleDancer Press, [2019]

Identifiers: LCCN 2018035907| ISBN 9781934336175 (trade paper : alk. paper) | ISBN 9781934336298 (ebook pdf) | ISBN 9781934336359 (mobi/kindle)

Subjects: LCSH: Empathy. | Interpersonal relations.

Classification: LCC BF575.E55 H43 2019 | DDC 155.4/1241--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018035907

You dont understand anything until you learn it more than one way noted the late artificial intelligence researcher, Marvin Minsky. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is often taught as a process for connecting with others, by following a sequence of steps. However, it can be challengingand frustratingto adapt this one method to the variety of situations we face. This book collects many stories of individuals skillfully applying NVC, with each told in the contributors unique voice. I know of no single resource better than this book for those wanting to enrich their understanding of empathy.

EARL J. WAGNER, Compassionate Communication Trainer and Artificial Intelligence Software Engineer at Google

This is the book I want everyone to read so they understand in a deeper way what empathy is, how its transmitted, and what a healing impact it has on both giver and receiver. I keep it by my bedside and like to read one or two stories before I go to sleep to warm my heart and remind me of the kindness in the world. These real-life examples of the power of empathy serve to teach, model, and inspire in a transformative way no other book I know does. As I read the stories, it was like the empathy got absorbed into all the cells of my body, like an immersion into an empathy bath. I plan to add it to my resource list for workshops on NVC and empathy.

ALI MILLER, MFT, NVC-Based Therapist and Communication Coach

If you ever wondered how people who are deeply committed to Nonviolent Communication live their path in their workplaces, families, and intimate relationships, this is the book for you. It permits the reader to take a peek into the daily lives and struggles of people who have been learning this work for decades, changing their language and their hearts along the way. It also reveals the odd and beautiful quiet that comes from seeing the world through a new lens. Read this book for inspiration, and then read it again for companionship.

SARAH PEYTON, author, Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations and Exercises to Engage Your Brains Capacity for Healing

Inspiring and authentic! Real stories from real people sharing their transformative experiences of empathy in its many and glorious forms. Mary is the perfect person to have collected these stories. I hope you get the opportunity to be in the presence of her empathy.

JEAN MORRISON, CNVC Certified Trainer

I enjoyed reading this. I couldnt wait to see what the next story was. I like reading about people being compassionate and soothing conflict instead of escalating. I teach Nonviolent Communication and these will be great examples to go through line by line and see how each participant would respond in that situation.

JEFF TRETSVEN, Trainer, Coach, Mediator

Marys empathy anthology is timely because empathy is needed now more than ever. Reading this can strengthen your compassion muscle and help you find your own voice even during the most difficult interactions. I look forward to sharing these stories with my university students. Kudos, Mary!

CHRISTINE KING, CNVC Certified trainer

Im so totally delighted with this book, which shares what empathy can look like in a real-life conversation. Ive been wanting support for growing this crucial skill and way of being for years, and I believe this book is the answer to this long-lived yearning of mine! Each story seems to capture a different way of being an empathic listener, based upon the people involved and the situation. Perfect! Im going to draw upon this book for future trainings.

JANE CONNOR, CNVC Certified Trainer

I am overjoyed to see this collection of stories of empathy in practice in the real-world conflicts that we are challenged with in our daily lives. This book has something for everyone from compassionate beginner to experienced NVC trainer. I appreciate the care that is shown by selecting stories that not only show the power of empathy, but also show the resulting change that it makes in us as human beings. I will keep this book for my personal growth as well as recommending it for others who are looking to improve their empathy skills and practices.

DAVID BROWNING, New York City NVC Facilitator

DIVINE EMPATHYBrings divine understanding through temporary projection or infusion of energies that allow you to experience (on subtle levels) patterns that are not necessarily inherent; facilitates divine perspective-taking without long-term attachment to the frequencies; softens your energy to allow for flow and transformation when stuck in anger or blame; creates the feeling of being understood on deep levels.

M arshall Rosenberg, founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, often shared in his workshops a story about two warring village chiefs from Nigeria who came together to meet with him after years of escalating violence and murder. Each blamed the other for the mounting bloodsheda fairly common narrative in our world.

Using the relatively simple process of Nonviolent Communication, Marshall helped shift the conversation, enabling these two antagonists to discover their commonalities. During a single session, one of the chiefs said, If we could keep talking like this, we wouldnt have to kill each other.