Judy Rickard - Torn Apart: United by Love, Divided by Law

Judy Rickard 2011

The right of Judy Rickard to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998.

Published in 2011 by Findhorn Press, Scotland

ISBN 978-1-84409-548-3

All rights reserved.

The contents of this book may not be reproduced in any form, except for short extracts for quotation or review, without the written permission of the publisher.

A CIP record for this title is available from the British Library.

Edited by Nicky Leach

Cover design by Richard Crookes

Cover photograph of Judy Rickard, left, and Karin Bogliolo, right,

2010 Venture, UK. Used by permission.

Interior design by Damian Keenan

Printed and bound in the USA

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Published by

Findhorn Press

117-121 High Street,

Forres IV36 1AB,

Scotland, UK

t +44 (0)1309 690582

f +44 (0)131 777 2711

e

www.findhornpress.com

O f course, someone or something may have been left out that should have been included, try as hard as I did to think of everyone and everything. Something might not have been written as well as it could have been. Chalk that up to age, stress and human error of a tired old lesbian trying to do the best she can. This book is my effort to educate, advocate, and fundraise. Hope it works!

NOTE: The phrase United by Love, Divided by Law was coined by Out4Immigration, an all-volunteer, grassroots organization working to end the discrimination same-sex binational couples face when Americans cannot sponsor their permanent partners for immigration. The phrase is used here by permission from Out4Immigration, San Francisco, California.

For Karin Grace Darling, who committed.

For John, who lost his battle with pancreatic cancer before he could hold this book in his hands.

For Joan and Kate, who lost John before they could hold this book in their hands.

For Dad Everest, my birth father, who started all this and was thrilled to meet me when I was 56.

For my birth mother, who did the hardest thing for her and the best thing for me.

For Mom and Dad, who adopted me and loved me and raised me well.

For Mom Everest, my bonus Mom!

For my newer family in Europe and Florida, thanks for welcoming me!

Our family knows what the words Torn Apart really mean

This book is dedicated to anyone who has not been able to be who they are and with whom they want, for reasons they cannot control. That means a lot of folks!

But it is especially dedicated to gay men and lesbians born in America who struggle to be with their permanent partners who were not born in America. Thats not because I think America is the best place in the world. Its because noncitizenship is the accidental issue that separates these men and women.

To the children of these couples, I can only say that I am ashamed for the reality you and your parents face. Bless you all!

WHITE HOUSE STATEMENT ON UNITING AMERICAN FAMILIES ACT (UAFA)

This week, the White House issued a statement about the Uniting American Families Act, saying President Obama thinks Americans with partners from other countries should not be faced with a painful choice between staying with their partner or staying in their country.

IMMIGRATION EQUALITY BLOG,
MARCH 27, 2009

WHITE HOUSE STATEMENT ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGE

A White House statement regarding Wednesdays ruling overturning Proposition 8 said President Barack Obama had spoken out against the measure because it was divisive and discriminatory. A White House spokesperson sent the following statement to The Advocate regarding Wednesdays ruling declaring Proposition 8 unconstitutional: The President has spoken out in opposition to Proposition 8 because it is divisive and discriminatory. He will continue to promote equality for LGBT Americans.

THE ADVOCATE,
AUGUST 4, 2010 BY KERRY ELEVELD

PRESIDENT OBAMA ON CIVIL UNIONS

President Obama supports civil unions over full marriage equality for same-sex couples, but he has increasingly walked a fine line on the issue now that six states have legalized same-sex marriage. The President has also said that he believes states should have the right to determine the question of marriage, and as such he supports full repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, which prohibits the federal government from recognizing legal same-sex marriages. His administration, however, continues to defend the law in the courts.

THE ADVOCATE, KERRY ELEVELD,
OCTOBER 16, 2009

PRESIDENT OBAMA ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGE

President Barack Obama told progressive bloggers his attitude about marriage equality may be evolving. I think that it is an issue that I wrestle with and think about because I have a whole host of friends who are in gay partnerships. I have staff members who are in committed, monogamous relationships, who are raising children, who are wonderful parents. And I care about them deeply, Obama said. Obama also rejected the idea that the LGBT community should be disappointed in his administration, listing accomplishments that he said make his presidency the most LGBT-supportive in history.

AMERICABLOG.COM/GAY BLOG,
OCTOBER 27, 2010

WHITE HOUSE PRESS STATEMENT ON CIVIL UNIONS

The President has long opposed divisive and discriminatory efforts to deny rights and benefits to same-sex couples, and as he said at the Human Rights Campaign dinner, he believes strongly in stopping laws designed to take rights away. Also at the dinner, he said he supports, ensuring that committed gay couples have the same rights and responsibilities afforded to any married couple in this country.

WHITE HOUSE PRESS RELEASE ON THE SUBJECT OF CIVIL UNIONS,
OCTOBER 29, 2010

A fter reading these stories I am almost ashamed to share my story, although at the time it happened it was the biggest crisis in my life. It pales in comparison to what lesbian and gay binational families go through, and what many people I have met while working with the Immigration Equality Action Fund are going through.

Those of you who have read Eat, Pray, Love know that it has a very romantic ending. I meet this lovely Brazilian guy, whos being played in the movie version by Javier Bardem, who looks about as much like my husband as I look like Julia Roberts.

My husband, who in the book goes by the name Felipe, is really named Jos. He and I were coming into the country together when we had our problem. We were sort of beginning to build a life in the United States, and like all binational couples we were doing an enormous amount of expensive and complicated commuting to work around the United States visa restrictions.

We came in through the DallasFt. Worth Airport and I went through customs first. I waited for him on the other side, which is something we had become used to over the years that we had been together. I immediately knew that something was wrong when he went through the foreign citizens line.