Ruth L. Hayden - For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Hayden, Ruth L., date.

For Richer, not poorer : the money book for couples / Ruth L. Hayden.

p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN-13: 978-1-55874-718-0 (Paperback)

ISBN-10: 1-55874-718-4 (Paperback)

ISBN-13: 978-0-75739-678-6 (ePub)

ISBN-10: 0-75739-678-X (ePub)

1. Married peopleFinance, Personal. 2. Finance, Personal. I. Title.

HG179.H345 1999

1999 Ruth L. Hayden

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.

3201 S.W. 15th Street

Deerfield Beach, Florida 33442-8190

Cover design by Larissa C. Hise
Book design by Lawna Patterson Oldfield

To Don
My partner and friend
for thirty years
and counting

I would like to acknowledge all the couples that allowed me to help them create a partnership in their money lives. The changes these couples created in their lives inspired me to write For Richer, Not Poorer.

Thank you to all the wonderful professionals at Health Communications, including Peter Vegso, Teri Peluso, Matthew Diener, Lisa Drucker and Christine Belleris. The respect you showed me while producing my first book, How to Turn Your Money Life Around: The Money Book for Women, has been more than duplicated while working on this book. Thank you.

Thank you to Diane Beyer, Elizabeth Quam Berne and Martha Malan for all your encouragement and support. Thanks to Laura Beaudoin for her excellent editing, and to Greg and Sally Rademacher at Rademachers Studio for the photograph.

And finally, I would like to thank my children. Jennifer, Steven, Nathan and Christina, like all children, have provided wonderful motivation for making Dons and my partnership work long-term. You kids are great!

T he couples that come to my office have few outward similarities. They are individuals of various ages, physical shapes and social and economic backgrounds. Some of the couples have been together for decades, and others are newly together. They come with varying degrees of commitment to their relationship and to the money work we will be doing. And yet they all come because the process of financial change they learn in my office works. Its that simple. The process works.

For Richer, Not Poorer teaches you this same process. Just like the couples that come to my office, you may have varying degrees of commitment to each other and to the money work you will be doing. You, like them, may feud, fight, cry and laugh as you learn. Still, the process you learn in this book will change your money life.

In this book, you will:

name the four cornerstones of a healthy money partnership;

recognize the methods of communicating as a couple that do not create a long-term financial partnershipand the methods that do;

uncover your beliefs about money, which control your behaviors with money;

identify your mutual values and goals, which form the foundation of your budget planning;

describe the two absolute rules of budgeting;

learn a step-by-step process for developing a workable budget that you both are committed toemotionally and intellectually.

For Richer, Not Poorer teaches you an evolutionary process to make your money life work in a way that helps you form a strong, committed, lifetime partnership. This book is not a quick fix, and it doesnt tell you what kind of investments to make. This book is about cash flow. It is about learning to work together as a self-empowered team. The process outlined in this book will work for you for a lifetime. Even as your life changes and the numbers in your budget change, the methods, strategies and skills will continue to work.

If you were single, you could probably skip through this book and still learn the process. But you are not single. You are in a couple relationship, and you need a format for working together that you can both agree to follow. So, follow the process in the book, step by step, and it will work for both of you.

Each of you will need a notebook, a pen or pencil, and a timer. You also need a quiet place and time to work together and individually on the exercises. If you have children, this is difficult. I tell the couples that come to my office to get a baby-sitter and either stay home or get out of the house and go to a quiet place with no distractions. If you stay at home, turn off the phone and dont answer the door. Think of this time as an investment in your life together.

In addition to the actual budgeting part of your money lifeadding, subtracting and making listsyou will also learn about the management part of money. This management part involves talking about your relationship, about your money beliefs and about your history. One of you may be more comfortable with this management part and the other more comfortable with the budgeting part. In this book, you will each learn how to feel comfortable with both parts. This is necessary if you are really going to learn a new, more effective way of working with moneytogether.

Step by step you will learn a new way to work together in your money life, just as thousands of other couples have learned.

I cant take much more of this, David explains. I really love Julie, and shes terrificshes a good mother, we have a lot in common and I like her sense of humor. But, Ruth, he explodes, shes going to drive us into bankruptcy!

Thats not fair! Julie interrupts angrily. I had to buy Sara clothes because shes grown another two inches. Should I tell the children we have to skip birthdays this year? And, what about the two suits you just had to buy? The problem isnt my spending, she continues angrily. The truth is that you just dont make enough money to support this family.

But Julie, Ive never earned enough according to you. Never! Why dont youyes, youget a job and help out a little instead of always complaining?

Julie is totally exasperated. I cant, David, you know that. No job that I can get pays enough to cover child care. Remember? If I get a job, itll have to be after the kids are all in school. So, leave me alone.