Table of Contents
For Momma, Daddy, Sangy, Granny Blanche, Granny Ruth and all my fellow Rebel Debutantes out there... and for my wonderful Justin, who keeps me from gettin too big for my britches...
This is a work of nonfiction. However, the names of certain individuals and institutions have been changed to protect their privacy, and dialogue has been reconstructed to the best of the authors recollection.
Introduction
How do you do? How do you do what?
MAE WEST
Ive only got one good story: how I became a Rebel Debutante. Folks ask me to tell it whenever Im at parties. Theyre always interested in my upbringing because they envision the South as one of two stereotypes: either Gone With the Wind or Jerry Springer. They cant imagine that the truth lies somewhere in between... buried deep within an old-fashioned tradition known as finishing school.
What is that? these folks always ask. What does it mean to be finished?
Two words: Wellingham Academy. A premier boarding school cultivating and educating many of the Southeasts most prized Debutantes.
A Debutante (or Deb)a fancy-sounding French word that means female beginneris basically a young lady from an aristocratic or upper-class family who has gone through Cotillionthe preparation years, usually from age eleven to nineteen. Once shes reached the age of maturity, her family introduces her to society at a formal presentation known as her debut, coming out or Debutante Ball.
Traditionally, a gals Debutante Ball remained the kind of event only royalty and true blue bloods enjoyed. Nowadays... well, its more just an excuse to get liquored up and dance.
Oh, listen to me. Im getting ahead of myself, arent I? Some rules of thumb to get you folks started.
To be a Debutante, your family (1) was generally loaded; (2) had lived in the area for several generations; and most important (3) everybody knew it. Like my Aunt Sandy always says, it helps to have roots... or better yet, somebody to vouch for them to the Deb Ball committee in charge of planning the whole dang thing. Southerners are all about lineage. Tracing it, talking about it and defending it. So to be chosen to Deb, your Great-Granddaddy Something-or-Other had better have sailed from England and landed somewhere around Charleston or Atlanta or New Orleans. And somebody in your family had better have saved his shipping records or birth certificate or lock of hair to prove it. Also:
You were in all likelihood the product of a two-parent home.
Neither younor anyone in your entire family, for that matterhad any history of divorce, drug addiction, illegitimate children or any kind of police history. Even parking tickets could be considered marks against your ladylike reputation.
As far as you knew, you were straight, and...
Unless you were already married at eighteen, you were a virgin. Lesbians count as virgins, but need not apply.
For the most part, you had some kind of vague notion of going to college in the fall, but...
You wouldnt study anything uppity-sounding like Neuroscience or Womens Studies that might turn you into a frigid bookworm or a man-hater (aka lesbian). And furthermore...
You were sure to avoid winning any kind of academic awards that might intimidate the local bachelors and prevent you from getting married right after graduation. Or, at least, before the age of twenty-four, after which folks might start to question your fertility, your sexual orientation or your sanity. If all of these seemed to be normal by their standards and you still werent married, youd be quickly deemed an old maid.
Most important, you promised to show up to all the pre-Deb Ball events. These were usually organized into a schedule that looked something like this...
Informational Meeting: April 15
Debutante Announcement Dinner: May 15
Mothers Meeting: May 30
Parent-Sponsored Parties: August 18, October 13, November 9 and December 8
Photography Session: August 25
Dance Rehearsals: Sundays, October 28 through December 28
The Art Ball: November 9
Mother-Daughter Luncheon: December 27
And culminating with the big finale...
The (insert city/town name here) Debutante Society Ball: December 28
For the Ball itself, as a soon-to-be Deb, you needed a poufy white dress big enough to swim in, matching kid-leather gloves, a bunch of big-ass flowers you could pin to your shoulder or strap around your wrist and call a corsage, a willing date and a dutiful father.
His only job (notice how there arent any father-daughter- designated events on the calendar?) was to escort you onstage, hold your arm as you bowed to the crowd and then waltz with you as gracefully as possible. That way, everybody would be convinced that you were now a grown-up and full-fledged member of society.
Meanwhile, your date was supposed to stand around looking chivalrous and eager to compete for your affections. That also meant completing an intricate cutting in ceremony where he whisked you out of your fathers arms and into his own. This sounds romantic, but could end tragically. If he was a little clumsy, couldnt remember all the dance steps to an evening of songs like My Girl and (my Mommas all-time favorite) Crazy, by Patsy Cline, or couldnt keep a straight face while older ladies remarked on what a handsome married couple you two would make someday, the whole night could be ruined.
The Deb Balls in Charleston, New Orleans and Charlotte were the oldest and most prestigious. These included the St. Cecilia Ball held in Charleston on the third Thursday of January every year and the Mardi Gras Balls (Rex and Comus) held in the winter.
The St. Cecilia Society of Charleston is so exclusive that no membership list exists and divorce or social disgrace results in automatic expulsion. Membership in this society is reserved for the eldest male child of a long-standing Charleston family.
In North Carolina, things are a little different. Debutantes are led by the Terpsichorean Society. This is a Debutante committee in Raleigh composed of older women devoted to charitable work. Together, they decide who will be invited to Deb each year by sorting through various rounds of nominations by local-officials-slash-persons-of-high-standing in each Deb location, running background and financial checks on each nominee, and finally selecting a handful of girlsusually around twenty. The Society then issues invitations, usually in December/January, to those chosen.
That said, let me be clear: I wasnt. Chosen, I mean. And that means Im not a Debutantenot officially, anyway.