Derek Philpott - Dear Mr Kershaw: A Pensioner Writes

First published by Good Day Books 2015

10987654321

Derek Philpott and Wilf Turnbull 2015

All rights reserved. Except for the purposes of review, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright holder.

Replies from the artists are published in full but do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of the author.

Isbn 978 0 9933985 0 6

Designed and typeset by Richard Ponsford/www.librodesign.co.uk
Printed and bound in the UK by Ashford Colour Press, Hampshire

The publisher would like to thank the following for permission to reproduce photographs: Cover (keyboard/NorGal, coffee mug/Anton Prado) Shutterstock.com, p103 (F-111 Bomber/Thor Jorgen Udvang) Shutterstock.com

Illustrations on pages 169 and 170 recreated from original sketches provided by Bruce Thomas.

I love pop music. It is the only branch of the humanities which evokes such a bizarre and overwhelming response. One doesnt ever see a chart of the best paintings and then thousands of people flocking to the gallery to scream hysterically at the piece voted number one, even when it makes no sense whatsoever.

D. Philpott, Magazine Interview

I am not for a second suggesting that art be subject to regulation or trading standards but we as the consumer and audience are surely perfectly entitled to ask questions of the creator? I do get the wrong end of the stick though sometimes.

D. Philpott, Caf Spike Interview

Dear The Clash: You state that if you go there will be trouble and if you stay it will be double. Therefore, I would advise you to go, as this would minimise any potential trouble. Have you perhaps fallen foul of the new parking restrictions on Overcliff Drive in Bournemouth?

W. Turnbull, 2010

''Somewhere between Henry Root and John Shuttleworth - what a hoot!'' J ulie Burchill

''Now we have Wilf and Derek, two Bournemouth OAPS who write to pop stars old and new, taking them to task for their absurd lyrics. Follow their adventures'' Bruce Dessau, Evening Standard

''Good luck, the both of you x'' David Quantick

''Thanks for the brilliant work and for allowing me fence with such a formidable comic swordsman. Count me in for whatever helps the Grand Cause!!'' Dave Was, Was Not Was

I love the feel of your jibe...Whatever you do will be creative and great. Hope I can help'' Chris Difford, Squeeze

''I can see so much potential here for a book a series all sorts.. so many readers and musicians alike love what you do. I would buy your book. Writers are artists too'' Saffron, Republica

''I am humbled, I am not worthy'' Tim Dorney, Flowered Up

At last - something for the Booker Prize judges to vote unanimously on'' Bob Grover, The Piranhas

''Best of Luck with the book mate not that you need it, Love your work'' Henry Priestman, ex-The Christians

''Great fun, thanks for getting in touch Roland, Tears For Fears

''Hey Del/Wilf, You can do it! Let me have the link in due course and Ill get it up on the website. Crack on my sons'' Mark King, Level 42

''You have my support with your crowd funding project, and of course I will be happy to blast it on my social media when its ready. Go for it!'' Howard Jones

''I am absolutely honoured and flattered to be written one of these letters'' The Doctor, Doctor and The Medics

''Really glad that my missive fit the bill. I've had a great response to it - thanks again for including me...Happy to put up a link to your crowd-funding appeal. Let me know when it's live'' Billy Bragg

''We love to be a part of your community. Thanks for the laugh, Stay cool as ****'' The Inspiral Carpets

''It was only ever a matter of time. Talent will out! Your book will be fabulous'' Julianne Regan All About Eve and Solo .

''If my contribution has been a small catalyst for your success I'm very flattered. It's Great. Love and peace'' Tasmin Archer

''You, and your followers, are some funny ************s! A brilliant experience.." Greg Douglass, Steve Miller Band

''Absolutely LOVE IT'!'' Nik Kershaw

''Very amusing'' Neil Hannon

''What a grand idea'' Richard Coles, The Communards

''Hope its cool man I had a laugh doing it --the pleasure is all mine you nutter :)'' Rob Birch, Stereo MCs

''Delighted to be of service Derek. May I congratulate your good self and your partner Wilf on your splendid website. I promise to spread the word. And yes, let's please stay in touch'' Glenn Gregory, Heaven 17

''Wishing you both ongoing success with your wonderfully witty funny critiques !!!! You have struck gold deservedly and are becoming superstars!!'' Anita Chellamah, Toto Coelo

''Delighted to engage in correspondence with you and happy to contribute to your excellent page thingy. We'll certainly put a link when you send us the crowd-fund details'' Tom Robinson

"It was most enjoyable to be involved in a letter that did not involve one of my ex wives solicitors" - Rick Wakeman

''Thank you for dragging my song through your mangle and may your project be everything you'd like it to be'' Vic Godard

Your letter is wonderful and I would be honoured to be able to offer some explanation for your most amusing project'' Neal WhItmore, Sigue Sigue Sputnik

''I am so very glad you like my reply you gentleman. I love your stuff and wanted to do it justice'' Gary Clarke, Danny Wilson

Fanx for the opportunity to participate, and your kind response! So few of us so called 'popstars' have the ability or desire to take the p*** out of ourselves! Long may you reign, and keep up the good work'' Sad Cafe

''Your grasp of vernacular is immense. I suspect a language A level or two? This is priceless. Laughing my head off'' Ian McNabb, The Icicle Work

''Well! How marvellous an idea and so well crafted! Am honoured and delighted to be a part of such shenanigans. God Bless! X'' Yazz

''Delighted to be of service Derek. May I congratulate your good self and your partner Wilf on your splendid website. I promise to spread the word. And yes, let's please stay in touch'' Damian O'Neill The Undertones

''Absolutely Brilliant'' Cutting Crew

''Hope it's a huge success for you! Glad you liked it. It was fun'' Jake Burns, Stiff Little Fingers''

''Hi Derek, I will definitely post a link when you have the crowd-fund up and running, it will be a success I think'' Dave Stewart

''Thanks Derek it was fun really glad you liked it:-). You can't fail'' Fish

JoBoxers were very pleased to be involved in this slick and satisfying bout. JoBoxers say Cheers!'