Jes Averhart - Oh, Lords!: Who We Date, Why We Date Them, and What Weve Learned

Oh, Lords!

Who We Date, Why We Date Them, and What Weve Learned

Jes Averhart & Terresa Zimmerman

Stonebrook Publishing

Saint Louis, Missouri

A STONEBROOK PUBLISHING BOOK

Copyright 2021 Jes Averhart and Terresa Zimmerman

All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Stonebrook Publishing,
a division of Stonebrook Enterprises, LLC, Saint Louis, Missouri.
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any
printed or electronic form without written permission from the author.

Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials
in violation of the authors rights.

All definitions are from Googles English dictionary, provided by Oxford Languages.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021911372

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-955711-03-6

eBook ISBN: 978-1-955711-04-3

www.stonebrookpublishing.net

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

DEDICATION

To those who inspired it.

If youre wondering whether or not Im writing about you... probably.

~Jes

If changing a single thing means I wouldnt be right here right now, I wouldnt. David, while it took too long, we got it right.

~Terresa

CONTENTS

PREFACE

One evening, not that long ago, we met up at a local microbrewery to catch up. That Hey girl, heeeey moment led to Jes sharing a lighthearted story about an upcoming first date. She met this guy in seat 17C on a plane the week before while flying from New York to Durham. The next morning, she was headed back to the Big Apple on business, and she and seat 17C were planning to meet for drinks.

Ill let her tell it

Ha, Terresa, I remember that evening at the brewery well. 17C was a cool guy with a dry sense of humor. I didnt want to talk to him that day on the plane, which was evident because I had my earphones in, but he was smart, funny, and determinedso conversation ensued. I learned quite a bit about him, that he came from a privileged background and was (ehhh-hmmm) fourteen years younger than me. He learned that I was aloof, dated exclusively out of market, and really didnt like to be bothered. This was his cue to throw his own earphones in and accept defeat, but he didnt. He held his own, and we exchanged numbers before grabbing our carry-ons from the overhead compartment.

Now, as I remember, I told this story to you and the group while I was drinking a beer named: I Dont Know If You Know This, But Im Kind of a Savage (the irony) and asked, Do I have drinks with him? Should I tell him my age? Is this an actual date anyway?

This story opened the floodgates that led to more storytelling, laughter, and the time when Terresa successfully hired a dating agent.

Ah, yes, the dating agent. Heres the thing, I had ten years of being single between my practice marriage and the marriage I got right. I had lots of fun but wasnt finding the life partner I wanted. So, after a night celebrating my birthday, I decided, in my drunken brilliance, that I couldnt keep doing the same things, dating the same guys/types of guys, and expect a different outcome. So, in my state of inebriation, I left a classy message for a dating agency.

When they called me back, I had to act like I knew who they were and why they were returning my call. Doh! A dating agent was my idea of a personal shopper... for men. I signed up. What did I have to lose? Nothing, yet everything to gain. Even if I didnt meet someone, Id have a great time. Meet new people. Id take notes. Id write a book...

Amidst the laughter and advice-giving that evening, we shared more stories and joked about writing it all down. Best seller in the making. Yadda. Yadda. After the tab was paid and the night was over, we decided to hold each other to it and write this book.

Oh, Lords! is a book of dating warnings, dating glories, and dating storiesand boy, do we have stories!

This is not a how-to book. We arent going to evaluate the best dating apps. We wont tell you the ins and outs or pros and cons of online dating versus spotting the love of your life while swingin a kettlebell at the gym. Nope, our message begins after the connection has been made, and youre meeting across the table on the first date, in the bed after a one-nighter, or on the couch of the heartbreak. We unmask the Lords youll likely encounter along the way, share our experiences, and let you in on what we learned with each. What we will tell you all along this journey is that you are in control of your dating experience, and intention is a good thing, even a must!

Before you dive in, there are a few things you should know about us. We are wicked smart women. Intelligent. Discerning. Ambitious. Were leaders, successful in many realms, and fun! Okay, fine, yes, were adorable, and we have hilariously similar dating stories with spookily similar lessons.

But heres the deal: we date men. Weve written our stories from our heterosexual perspectives (although Jes has experimented along the way). And just because you may have different identifications and preferences, dont think you get to escape any of the follies and foibles contained in this book. No way, no how! We all have dating drama. We encourage you to change those pronouns if you need to and then lean in.

Oh, Lords! can be read as gender agnostic. Youre going to recognize these archetypes even if you do change the pronouns because women and men can both fall into our Lord archetypes. This is a fully inclusive human condition.

The Dating Landscape

Lets start with a dating level-set. According to a 2021 report issued by The Business of Apps, the global revenue share for dating apps at the end of 2020 was $3.08 billion, powered primarily by Tinder and Bumble. With that in mind, its no surprise that more than 25 percent of US couples meet online. Other sites like Match, Hinge, OkCupid, eharmony, and even Grindr rule the day. As we write this, 44 percent of the American population is single, and forty million of them are using online dating services. Makes sense, right? Technology has made it easier than ever to promote yourself, screen potential dates, and connect with hopeful matches. Clearly, the business of dating is boomingand the mystery of dating is still ever-present.

Tinder offers the sequencing of dating through their 12 Stages of Sex and Dating philosophy. Weve always been inclined to compare the emotional journey of dating to a twelve-step program, so were glad Tinder agrees. Lets learn how they define these stages (with a little extra help from us).