Stephanie Raffelock - A Delightful Little Book On Aging

A DELIGHTFUL LITTLE BOOK ON AGING

Copyright 2020, Stephanie Raffelock

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please address She Writes Press.

Published 2020
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-1-63152-840-8
ISBN: 978-1-63152-841-5
Library of Congress Control Number: 2019914441

Interior design by Tabitha Lahr

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To Dean, my forever love

This is a collection of thoughts about peering over the precipice of older age and deciding to live life as fully engaged as I can. You know why? Because preparing for death has everything to do with how you live life.

N o one I know is truly retired, at least not in the way that our parents were. The sixty-, seventy-, and even eighty-year-olds who are part of my life are artists and activists, teachers and entrepreneurs. In the southern Oregon valley where I live, its not unusual to run into silver-haired folks on the hiking trail or the ski slope. I dance with them at the Friday night dances at our local wineries. Im blessed to live in a place where older age is just a part of the diversity of the community. Seniors are valued participants. The sign on the Pilates studio where I take class might as well read: MUST BE SEVENTY TO ATTEND.

Im of a generation that has decided not to go gently into that good night. The results are inspiring and tender. Life has never been so full, and I dont mean with busyness. I mean with intent. The intent of living and loving in great fullness. This is what wisdom is. This is what it means to get older.

We cant transcend aging with some sort of magical formula, but we can transcend worn-out attitudes that dont lend themselves to making aging a positive experience.

Ive written about age a great deal these past few years. My website ( that gave me the opportunity to explore the subject and also to get feedback from readers about their views on getting older. All that writing brought me to the conclusion that, depending upon your attitude and your ability to adapt, these really can be the golden years. And thats what inspired me to put together this book.

Ive divided the writings into four sections that reflect the way I think about aging: Grief, Reclamation, Vision, and Laughter.

GRIEF: Aging begins in grief. Loss and letting go become part of the landscape: youthful beauty, physical prowess, hot monkey sex, and the ability to eat whatever you want fade into memories.

RECLAMATION: Once I realized that life takes things away with one hand, I also noted that she offers something with the other hand. This is what I call reclamation. Here, in the older years, Ive reclaimed the writer in me, the philosopher/poet, the wild woman. What we reclaim redefines us as the years accumulate. My husband reclaimed music. Once, at a crossroads in his younger life, he had decided to finish school rather than become a full-time musician. Now he plays the bass every evening after dinner.

VISION: Vision is birth, rebirth, creation, and recreation. Vision is not a list of goals. Its more like the practice of being so fully in engaged with life that you feel its rapture in the smallest things. This vision of the older years belongs to a wiser, deepened soul, steeped in wonder and delight for life.

LAUGHTER: The final section of this book is about laughter, because there is nothing like recalling the good old days with stories that make us laugh. To be able to laugh at the stuff that once hurt means that weve healed or are healing. Humor is the gentle chuckle of recognition and resolve. And its laughter that ties everything together with appreciation and gratitude for life.

Its an odd pronouncement to want to be a writer at this stage of my life. Its not like I have decades to develop a craft or a career. I doubt that Ill ever get famous or rich doing it. But writing is for me a doorway into the examined life, a way to express the breadth of emotion I feel, a soul bath that dries the tears of loss and inspires the joy of being alive.

These short posts and articles are like the connective tissue holding my writing dreams together. Im always working on a novel. Who knows where that will go? But these little articles have been a sweet labor where I get to share my heart and mind with readers whom I may never meet, but whose lives intersect with mine nonetheless. And in that, I am grateful and blessed to have connection with the world through the written word.

The words in this book are about aging. None of us are in it alone. We are moving toward the sunset together, and on that horizon eternity lingers. May we all embrace living fully, with unabashed joy and appreciation for this path of transition.