Peter Buckman - Still With It! The Funny Side Of Growing Older

Vanity keeps us going. When we stop caring how we look, how we entertain, how we choose to impress our friends and enemies, or how we spend our money, we might as well be dead. Far from being a vice, the daily struggle to keep up appearances motivates us all. Its only when it becomes an obsession that crowds out everything else, such as a sense of proportion, that it becomes dangerous.

Vegetarians dont necessarily lose weight or live longer, but becoming one, especially in your maturity, is a way of surprising your friends and family, challenging chefs to come up with something interesting (the French and Russians are disappointing as well as disappointed), and also involves the sort of compromises that are so much a part of growing older. I surprised my teenage daughters by turning vegetarian after I had plucked, gutted, cooked, and eaten a pheasant shot by a friendnot because I was squeamish, but because I could no longer condone the killing of such a beautiful bird, after which it was easy to give up eating anything with a face. But I still enjoy eggs, love cheese, drink milk, and wear leather shoes, though I tell myself they come from cows that lived to a peaceful old age, preferably in a socialist country. Its not a religion or a fad; its a lifestyle that just happens to benefit the environment, and one that makes us feel betternot necessarily superiorabout ourselves and the world.

Vitamins are either essential to keep us healthy at our age, or an expensive rip-off and complete waste of time, depending on whom you believe. Despite endorsements from wrinkled celebrities of the benefits they derive from taking the damn things, if weve gotten this far, surely the diet weve followed for years supplies all our needs? And as a member of that generation who were force-fed vitamins when rationing was in forcein England we all remember that sweetened orange juice, cod liver oil, and that syrupy yeasty stuff that came in a brown bottleI rebel against taking further vitamins on principle.

Vocabulary changes so rapidly theres little point in our trying to keep up with it. Were perfectly capable of holding a decent conversation with the words weve acquired over the years, and as with , the neologisms the young use are so ugly and limited in application, theyre better avoided. The language we learned is expressive, flexible, and often beautiful, and though of course its always in a state of flux, if its properly used it will be properly appreciated. Amirite?

Vulnerability is not limited to those who cant take proper care of themselves. Even the strongest and most outwardly successful of us is wounded by a hurtful comment, whether or not it was maliciously meant, and though we have developed a thick skin over the years, we still bleed inside, like we did as teenagers. When in pain, we tend to forget that the young are even more vulnerable than we arethey havent had our experience and are still working out their survival strategies. So dont lash out unless you cant stop yourself, and if you do let fly, be ready with comfort.

STILL WITH IT!: The Funny Side of Growing Older
Copyright 2018, 2019 by Peter Buckman
Illustrations 2019 by The Experiment

Originally published in the UK as A Genial Seniors Companion to Ageing by Head of Zeus in 2018.
First published in North America by The Experiment, LLC, in 2019.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no portion of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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This book contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed in the book. It is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering medical, health, or any other kind of personal professional services in the book. The author and publisher specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or riskpersonal or otherwisethat is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available upon request

ISBN 978-1-61519-596-1
Ebook ISBN 978-1-61519-597-8

Cover and text design and cover illustration by Beth Bugler
Illustrations by Jack Dunnington

Manufactured in the United States of America

First printing September 2019
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Authors Note

I am in my late seventies, happily married to the same woman for fifty years, proud parent of two daughters and grandparent of two children who are the most beautiful, intelligent, and creative creatures in the known universe. Ive had a reasonably successful career as a publisher and writer, and Im still working as a literary agent; Im active and healthy, despite two forms of cancer; we own the house weve lived in for nearly half a century in a beautiful Oxfordshire village; and my only brush with the law, apart from going on demonstrations, was when I was busted for speeding. And yet I need reassurance. Probably we all do. Maybe its part of our instinctive reactions: When confronted with a threat we freeze, fight, fleeor offer reassurance. And we wouldnt have lasted this long if our instincts werent reliable.

But how do you access your instincts when theyre encrusted with experience? You get yourself a book that shares the thoughts, exposes the fears, and celebrates at least some of the actions you have hitherto kept to yourself. Its no surprise that the earliest bestsellers were guides to etiquette, sex, and cooking: These are areas of life where we want to give pleasure as well as receive it, and we want to be reassured that were doing things properly. Yet while there are endless books on how to raise our kids, there are precious few on how to embrace the aging process. Which, considering how many there are of us seniorsso many were a threat to the Social Security budgetis a little surprising.

We dont think were old until suddenly we cant do something that until now has never been a problem. We dont feel were old because our habits and reactions were formed when we were younger, and as they served us well we see no reason to change them. But were not immune to new ideas, were always open to persuasion, we retain our curiosity about the latest discovery and our willingness to learn. Dont we? We dont want to be lectured or patronized or told how we should behave by people who dont know what theyre talking aboutso why should you listen to a white middle-class male who is a Jewish, atheist, vegetarian socialist with anti-monarchy leanings? Because you, like me, want reassurance, too.

There are no prescriptions in this book, which is a personal hodgepodge of snapshot descriptions, opinions, remembrances, suggestions, and the occasional exhortation. If you believe that civility, good manners, and good humor are what keep us going, I hope you will enjoy, recognize, and be reassured by these entries. Incidentally, Ive used the words I, you, and we indiscriminately, assuming we have in common many of the experiences described. If not, I apologize, but Im afraid theres no money-back guarantee.