Luke Beardon - Love, Partnership, or Singleton on the Autism Spectrum

A brilliant collection of essays from autistic writers giving us personal insights into thoughts on relationship preferences and also valuable guidance for autistic people and those who love them. Demonstrating that autistic people often want to share their lives with others in a wide variety of set-ups, this book finally puts to bed the age-old myth of autistic people as isolated loners. The wonderful diversity of the autism population when it comes to choosing how to live, and who with, shines through.

Sarah Hendrickx, autistic adult, Autism Specialist and author

Love, Partnership, or Singleton on the Autism Spectrum highlights the various joys, intricacies and challenges experienced by many on the spectrum in relationships. Featuring the experiences and views of those in relationships, some seeking partnership and individuals who choose to remain single, it asserts the right of autistic people to define our own contentment. Uplifting, thought-provoking and in places challenging, this book will undoubtedly lead to a general re-evaluation of long-held perceptions of relationships and what makes them work.

Dean Beadle, international autistic speaker and lecturer

The desire to achieve a lasting and mutually fulfilling relationship can be very strong in someone with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. However, there may be significant challenges in finding a partner and maintaining the relationship. While we have considerable literature on the perspective of the partner who does not have an ASD, we have remarkably little on the perspective, experiences and achievements of the partner with an ASD. The wisdom and advice in this insightful book will be invaluable for both partners and contribute greatly towards an understanding of relationships from the ASD perspective.

Tony Attwood, Minds and Hearts Clinic, Brisbane

Books in the same series

Bittersweet on the Autism Spectrum

Edited by Luke Beardon and Dean Worton

Insider Intelligence

ISBN 978 1 78592 207 7

eISBN 978 1 78450 485 4

Aspies on Mental Health: Speaking for Ourselves

Edited by Luke Beardon and Dean Worton

Insider Intelligence

ISBN 978 1 84905 152 1

eISBN 978 0 85700 287 7

Asperger Syndrome and Social Relationships

Adults Speak Out about Asperger Syndrome

Edited by Genevieve Edmonds and Luke Beardon

ISBN 978 1 84310 647 0

eISBN 978 1 84642 777 0

Love,
Partnership,
or Singleton
on the Autism
Spectrum

Edited by Luke Beardon, PhD and Dean Worton

Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia

First published in 2017

by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

73 Collier Street

London N1 9BE, UK

and

400 Market Street, Suite 400

Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA

www.jkp.com

Copyright Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying, storing in any medium by electronic means or transmitting) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the law or under terms of a licence issued in the UK by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd. www.cla.co.uk or in overseas territories by the relevant reproduction rights organisation, for details see www.ifrro.org. Applications for the copyright owners written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher.

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Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Names: Beardon, Luke, editor. | Worton, Dean, editor.

Title: Love, Partnership, or Singleton on the Autism Spectrum / edited by Luke Beardon and Dean Worton.

Description: London ; Philadelphia : Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2017. |

Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016031988 | ISBN 9781785922060 (alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Autistic people. | Autistic people--Sexual behavior. |

Interpersonal relations. | Man-woman relationships. | Intimacy (Psychology)

Classification: LCC RC553.A88 R45 2017 | DDC 616.85/882--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016031988

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 78592 206 0

eISBN 978 1 78450 484 7

To all those autistic individuals who have inspired me and taught me so much; and my family as always, without you, I am nothing.

Luke Beardon

I would like to dedicate this book to all my family and friends, and all those who have been there for me in my life, and to Genevieve Edmonds who inspired these books to be written, and will never be forgotten.

Dean Worton

CONTENTS

PREFACE

Luke Beardon

I have been fortunate in my life to have met so many people on the autism spectrum, and even more fortunate that so many of those individuals have shared aspects of their lives with me. Each person with autism will have their own perspective on relationships and the meaning that they have, and this is reflected in the varying chapters in this book. At times throughout history autism has been viewed in many different ways, and to this day there is much debate around all sorts of areas relating to autism. Relationships have been written about from a professional perspective, and there is an abundance of autism theory that interested parties can read about. There is also a plethora of publications of autobiographical work which provides a rich insight into the perspectives of individuals.

This book aims to give a platform for people with autism to share their perspectives on what relationships mean to them. Each chapter brings its own style and its own story, with no one opinion or experience any greater or lesser in importance than another.

This book is not meant as a guide (though some may find aspects useful in their lives) nor is it in any way a definitive tome on the perspectives of all people with autism on relationships. What it is, though, is a fascinating collection of writing from a number of people who have taken the time and effort to identify what their thoughts and perspectives are around the notion of relationships.

Reflected in this book and a familiar theme running throughout the Adults Speak Out series is the huge diversity to be found within the autism spectrum. It is so crystal clear on reading individual accounts that there can be no one size fits all approach when it comes to relationships. I am sometimes asked Is it better for a person with autism to be in a relationship with another person with autism, or a non-autistic person?; the answer here lies in the word matched. If two individuals are well matched, then they are well matched it simply does not matter whether they share a diagnosis or identity. Of course, some autistic people find that others with autism have a better intuitive understanding within a partnership, while some may find that a non-autistic person brings other advantages to the relationship.

I would imagine that most people much of the time find that there are bewildering complexities in relationships; however, I do think that when one or both partners are on the autism spectrum additional complexities can arise. Whenever I have had the opportunity to discuss relationships with people on the spectrum the most common theme that causes problems is a lack of understanding. It might be incredibly difficult (if not impossible) for a partner to understand certain aspects of life; this may go both ways an autistic partner may find it difficult to understand a non-autistic partner, and vice versa. The solution to this issue seems to be acceptance; while one may not have a full understanding of a particular issue, if one fully accepts it it may go a long way towards it no longer being problematic.