Gregory Hughson - Getting Married in New Zealand – Te Mārenatanga ki Aotearoa: A guide to creating wedding and birth celebrations

Getting Married in New Zealand

Te Mrenatanga ki Aotearoa

A guide to creating wedding

and birth celebrations

Gregory Hughson
&
Douglas Pratt

Copyright 2020 Gregory Hughson & Douglas Pratt

Except as noted below, this book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Summaries, checklists and sample text of ceremonies may be copied and adapted, with acknowledgement of:

Getting Married in New Zealand Te Mrenatanga ki Aotearoa:
Gregory Hughson & Douglas Pratt (2020)

This book is a new, fully revised and updated edition of
Celebrating Marriage: A New Zealand guide to wedding ceremonies and birth celebrations
by Douglas Pratt

ePub edition (2020)

ISBN 978-1-98-857263-5

Philip Garside Publishing Ltd
PO Box 17160
Wellington 6147
New Zealand

books@pgpl.co.nz

Website for downloading free checklists and summaries:

www.pgpl.co.nz

Cover photograph:

Paul Hughson, taken at the outdoor Akaroa, New Zealand wedding of Johanna Hughson and Chris Stewart. (April 2012)

Table of Contents

Preface

It is over three decades since Celebrating Marriage: a practical guide to getting married in New Zealand was first published by Benton Ross (Auckland, 1986). That book was subsequently revised and published as Celebrating Marriage: a guide to New Zealand wedding ceremonies by Random Century (Auckland, 1990) who had taken over the firm of Benton Ross. Both the first and second editions sold out. Ongoing requests for the book led to a third edition (ColCom Press, 1996) which was a light revision of the original. The last (6th) printing of the third edition was in 2012. Due to significant changes in New Zealands marriage law to include same-sex marriage, and the availability now of a great deal of online marriage preparation material, the time has come for a fully revised, new version, in two formats printed and electronic. The electronic as well as printed formats will enhance its more widespread availability and ease with which couples will be able to cut and paste their wedding ceremony from the options provided.

This new version comprises a significant update and revision led by Greg Hughson, building on the original text by Douglas Pratt. Both authors have had significant experience of helping couples prepare for marriage ceremonies and conducting ceremonies in Aotearoa-New Zealand over the last 40 years. Each has also been active in promoting interfaith activities and greater interreligious understanding in New Zealand and beyond. This book represents a pooling of their experience and expertise.

There is a great deal that we can learn from people who base their lives and marriages on a faith different to ours, or on no particular religious faith-foundation at all. Furthermore, in our experience, most people in Aotearoa-New Zealand have an appreciation of the importance of spirituality, if only due to the widespread acceptance of Mori spirituality within our contemporary cultural fabric. Many, if not most, couples in Aotearoa today would describe their marriage ceremony as a significant spiritual occasion.

We hope this new resource will be valued by all who seek a broader and more informed understanding of marriage. Accordingly, this updated resource provides some interfaith marriage ceremony options, as an aid to greater understanding.

Previous versions of this resource included a range of options for couples and celebrants to prepare ceremonies suited to each couple. The focus has always been on flexibility and appropriateness. This new edition enhances the flexibility further, providing ideas for the wording of same sex and te reo Mori ceremonies, and some examples of other-faith marriage ceremonies, alongside more traditional Christian and secular forms.

In this new edition, the words Partners in Marriage can be substituted wherever necessary for Groom and Bride, where these traditional terms otherwise appear in the text. The move to legalise same-sex marriage in Aotearoa-New Zealand is historically significant. As a flow-on effect, the language of being a couple has changed it no longer presumes a heterosexual pairing of male and female. And such couples increasingly refer to themselves as partners rather than husband and wife. We have therefore provided some additional resources and reflections for those who may wish to study this development in more detail.

Also, given developments in Australia such as the recent endorsement of same-sex marriage by the Uniting Church, we hope that our book may be of value to couples seeking to be married in Australia, and elsewhere in the world. While designed primarily for a New Zealand setting, much of the ceremony content is easily transferable to other settings.

The format and style of the wedding reception has also evolved over the years. In this fully revised edition, we have made changes to the options and information previously provided. We have sought to take account of significant changes within society. The notion of family in Aotearoa-New Zealand, and indeed in Australia and elsewhere in modern Western secular societies, is far broader than it was 30-40 years ago. Committed relationships, of whatever form, are still acknowledged to be very important in our societies.

We provide this resource in the hope that it will assist couples and celebrants to create ceremonies that give expression to the unique relationship being celebrated and affirmed, in the best and most meaningful way for each couple.

Getting married is more than a legal transaction. It signifies and enacts a change to the relational and spiritual quality and significance of each couples commitment. Marriage means a great deal more than the convenience of living together. Some people may choose not to marry in the legal sense but may wish to celebrate or otherwise publicly mark their own commitment to each other. Our aim is to help couples create a ceremony which will enable them to appropriately express their unique intentions and sincere commitment to each other. Indeed, what makes a marriage legal is not the substance of the celebratory ceremony, but the addition to it of the signing, with witnesses, of the marriage licence. In some countries these two components are kept apart the legal dimension taking place at the appropriate civil office, often before but sometimes after, the wedding ceremony at a church or another setting.

Further, we acknowledge that not all valid partnerships are marriages. Choosing to live in a de-facto long-term partnership is no longer unusual. Not everyone wants or needs to mark their relationship commitment with a ceremony. But for those who do, hopefully the resources of this book will assist in creating a very special occasion.

We recognise that there are many different and varied contexts for marriages, and thus their celebration, in terms of the ever-increasing cultural and religious diversity in New Zealand, as elsewhere. For example, there is a contrast between a western-cultural style nuclear family and the Mori whanau or extended family. Of course, Pakeha (i.e. non-Mori) may also enjoy the context of wider family networks, and many Mori couples set up and value their nuclear family. But cultural differences do exist, and not only those which distinguish Mori from Pakeha. There are also Fijian, Niuean, Samoan and Tongan, to name just four of the Pacific cultures now rooted deep into New Zealand soil. Indian, Cambodian, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Vietnamese, and other variants of Asian and South East Asian cultures now add their unique dimensions to the multi-coloured tapestry of New Zealand social life. In recent years this diversity has been enhanced by the arrival of significant numbers of South Africans the Kiwi barbecue is just as likely today to be a braai and also former refugees from Africa, Syria, the Middle East and elsewhere.