Shelley - Best--Ceremony--Ever: how to make the serious wedding stuff unique

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

H ello newly engaged person, someday-engaged person, smart wedding professional, parent of a bride or groom, friend of somebody getting married, relative of someone getting married, neighbor of somebody getting married, literate person who enjoys learning, romantic, entertainer, fan of wordplay, lover of love, realist, pragmatist, idea enthusiast, bookstore browser, or other. Im so glad you picked up this book; it was written especially for you.

In the past several years, Ive officiated hundreds of weddings. I keep getting hired because I keep making couples and wedding professionals happy. I make these people happy because of my unique approach to wedding ceremonies.

Heres a sampling of what people say to me at cocktail hours after they see me officiate a wedding:

How are you friends with the couple?

Oh my God, that was totally the Best. Ceremony. EVER.

Would you like an organic tomato burger?

Mothers hug me. Fathers grip my hand and slap my shoulder, relieved and delighted that Ive set everyone into a buzzing-good mood. Brides and grooms express their thanks. Bridesmaids and groomsmen who ignored me before the ceremony slap me on the back. Other wedding vendors ask for my card. Guests ask if Im free for their nieces wedding. All these people just saw me officiate a wedding ceremony in a way theyd never seen before, and they are so happy. This book is about how I make those people so happy, and how you can make them happy too. Well, not those people specifically; my point is that you too can make wedding guests happy.

Wedding ceremonies get a bad rapfor good reason. Weve all attended dreadful ceremonies. Weve all found ourselves sitting in a church, catering hall, or humid, sun-drenched field looking at our watch, longing for it to end. The stigma about wedding ceremonies is that they are the heavy things people must sit through to earn the cocktail hour. Somehow, something joyful has become penance. Wedding ceremonies are the vegetables before the cake. They are the work week before the weekend. They are whoever opens for U2.

Ceremonies have long borne the burden of being the final test for couples before they make their bond official, one last reminder of the seriousness of the undertaking, and an opportunity to strike fear into the couples hearts. I understand why this is the case. To say that marriage is a big deal is an understatement; marriage asks couples to care for each other through good times and bad. Marriage asks them to make excruciating life and death decisions together. Engagement periods are romantic, optimistic, positive junctures for couples, when the road in front of them appears full of promise and sunshine. It may be easy during this time to forget how heavy life can be down the road. And yet I see no reason that families, friends, and counselors cant remind couples of all these things before the wedding day. In fact, I think it is downright irresponsible for people to wait until the wedding day to try to make couples think about what theyre doing by getting married. If the couple makes it all the way to the wedding day without their convictions being changed, then that day should be a day of pure celebration.

Ive always believed that ceremonies can be meaningful and entertaining. By meaningful, I mean respectful of the seriousness of the undertaking and cognizant of the joy therein. Ive been using years of theatrical training, extensive study and experimentation in creative writing, a DNA-transmitted wit, and a comedians sense of timing to surprise hundreds of couples and thousands of wedding guests with entertaining yet meaningful ceremonies all over New York, New Jersey, Ohio, Kentucky, Arizonareally, anywhere people will pay me to go. Ive been on The Rachael Ray Show . Ive spoken at the UN. Ive written and performed a memorial service for Joan Rivers dog, on the late comediennes show Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best.

I became a certified Life-Cycle Celebrant, with a focus on weddings, through the Celebrant Foundation & Institute. This is a program that prepares people to create personal ceremonies for couples in a way that honors and celebrates all varieties of cultural beliefs, spiritual beliefs, and worldviews. I learned the art of storytelling, ritual, and cultural diplomacy. Celebrants are trained to bring people of the world together through marriage. The program takes seven months to complete and is one of the most rewarding things Ive ever done.

Not every couple is lucky enough to have a trained celebrant officiate their wedding, so I encourage you to let this book get you thinking like a celebrant and working with the person performing your wedding ceremony with a celebrants eye for opportunity. This book will help couples and wedding professionals identify the often-overlooked theatrical potential in every aspect of ceremonies. These pages also offer tips and advice for the person performing the ceremonyparticularly in the aptly titled Performing the Ceremony chapter. Good ceremonies are always a result of a couple working closely with their officiant, so I will remind you of this often. Ceremonies are a team effort.