ReShonda Tate Billingsley - The Motherhood Diaries 2: Humorous and Heartwarming Musings on Motherhood

By ReShonda Tate Billingsley

Houston, Texas * Washington, D.C.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living, dead, or somewhere in between, is entirely coincidental

The Motherhood Diaries 2 2014 by ReShonda Tate Billingsley

Brown Girls Publishing, LLC

www.browngirlspublishing.com

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means including electronic, mechanical or photocopying or stored in a retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages to be included in a review.

First Brown Girls Publishing LLC trade printing

Cover designed by:

Jessica Wright Tilles

Manufactured and Printed in the United States of America

If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It is reported as unsold and destroyed to the publisher, and neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this stripped book.

Dedication

For my motherwho warned me that payback wasnt pretty.

Ive always believed that laughter is an awesome medicine. I just never knew motherhood would be one of the ways I kept my full dosage. But with kids like mine, who I often look at in awe and wonder where they came from, there is no shortage of laughter in my home. Between the fourteen-year-old and her dry wit, the eleven-year-old, with her corny humor (just like her mom), and the youngest, who at six, simply amazes us daily with the things that come out of his mouth, my family is forever laughing.

Since I always have been the journaling type (I started keeping a diary at age seven), it was only natural that I share some of those hilarious stories in written form. First, it was in a journal (which I plan to present to my children when theyre grown), then, later, on social media.

One thing that social media taught me, was that my family wasnt alone. From my old school parenting style, to my rants about motherhood, I found a commonality with other mothers who shared similar experiences, recounted even worse thoughts, and provided encouraging words. And along the way, I also discovered moms just like me who made laughter a staple in their household even if sometimes, they just had to laugh to keep from crying.

It was the feedback on social media that led me to writing the first Motherhood Diaries. In that book, I shared the good, the bad and the ugly of raising kids in the new millennium. Other mothers joined me as we talked about the triumphs and the tragedies, the hilarity and the heartbreak of raising children. It was a powerful collection of stories from women who showed other mothers that they are not alone.

The feedback from Book One was phenomenal, so much so, that we decided to do it again. But this time, we just wanted to focus on those humorous and heartwarming musings on raising kids. And the range of stories will once again unite mothers. There are tales of embarrassment, of laughter, of faith, and hope we cover it all in The Motherhood Diaries 2.

Our hope is that youll see something thats relatable (and ignore the stories that have you wanting to call Childrens Protective Services). We hope youll laugh and find both humor and solace in other mothers experiences.

Once again, I feel compelled to remind you that none of us in this book are child specialists, therapists, psychologists, or anything of the sort. Not legitimately anyway. But I think Id be on target to say we all should have honorary PhDs in parenting, obtained through trial by fire. Technically speaking, though, were just mothers who are trying to get this mothering thing down enough to produce wonderful kids.

Let me pause for this major disclaimer: Throughout this book, you may see words like beat, choke, and stomp down. Its not literal. There are no child abusers here. Even when we snap. Even when we threaten to snatch out their urethra (or is that just me?) or knock them into next week - even during those times, we love our children. And they know it.

Are we clear on that? Good.

Now, if youre a perfect mother, whose kids keep their rooms clean, who never make you raise your voice, and who are perfect little angels, then good for you (good thing you cant see my eye roll right now). If youve never threatened bodily harm and have never had to repeat a request, we salute you. You can read on anyway and laugh at all us moms who arent as lucky.

But if youre one of those mothers who sometimes takes the long way home, who has ever counted down to graduation, or who has ever had to remind herself that its not nice to curse out your kids then, lock the door, grab a glass of your favorite wine and see that youre not alone in these humorous and heartwarming musings on motherhood.

Enjoy,

ReShonda

By ReShonda Tate Billingsley

Growing up, I used to always proclaim that I was going to be a Super Mom able to change diapers in one swipe, whisk kids from one event to another in a single bound, provide loving, gentle discipline without ever raising my voice. I even wrote it in my diary at age fifteen.

October 12, 1985

Dear Diary, Love my mom, but Im soooo gonna be a different type of parent. All that yelling and fussing shes always doing, thats not gonna be me. Im going to be patient and kind - an awesome mom who is also best friends with my kids. My kids are gonna love me. Signed, Future Super Mom!!

Im struggling to stifle my laugh right now. (Ahhh, the innocence of childhood). But yes, I had my Mother Plan all worked out. I had no doubt that Id implement it. And I did, for the first twelve months of my oldest daughters life. I baby-proofed everything, read every book and article on parenting, played Baby Mozart constantly, read stories to her in French to expand her vocabulary, and shuttled her to play dates. I was, indeed, Super Mom. And proud of it.

By daughter number two, the S on my chest was getting a little tattered. Mozart was replaced by Mary J. Blige. French stories were replaced by Dr. Seuss and I made her play with her sister.

By the third child my son that S was buried in the back closet somewhere. Now I was blaring Tupac and reading the National Enquirer.

Yes, three kids will definitely make you rework your lifes plan. Especially my three children. Besides their hyper activeness, my children keep me on my toes because of their unbelievable sense of humor.

Laughter has always been a staple in my marriage. My husband and I both have moderate sense of humors that kept a spice in our life. We had no idea that having kids would take that to a whole other level. And it seems with each child that came along, the propensity for our house to become comedy central, escalated.

The ringleader of the Billingsley Comic View reality show would definitely have to be my six-year-old son, Myles. On any given day in my household, my son who Im convinced has been here before will do or say something that will leave us in stitches.

Whether hes asking outrageous questions like Do you have to eat hair when youre pregnant for your baby to have hair? or summoning his imaginary Playboy status when he was bitten by fire ants, lay on the sofa like he was dying, and proclaimed, Ma, if I dont make it, tell my girlfriend not to date another man. (Of course, Im constantly trying to remind this little tyrant that hes too young to be thinking about girls. I get no help from my husband though; he gives his little stud a fist bump whenever he talks about girls. This is the same man that wanted to choke the poor little boy down the street for winking at his twelve-year-old daughter. Men!)