Cherie Carter-Scott - The Gift of Motherhood: 10 Truths for Every Mother

W ith deep gratitude to all the women
who have mothered me:

Mary Kelly Untermeyerbiological mom
Barbara U. Carton-Rykersister-mom
Patricia Harris Walshsurrogate mom
Margaret Darsie Cartermother-in-love
Josie R. Pomijemother-in-love
Lynn U. Stewartco-parent

Acknowledgments

Karen Gallivan, Donna Gould, Maria Adams, Elizabeth Kleinveld, Linda Metzler, Josie Pomije, and the dozens of mothers who generously contributed their wisdom to this book.

Great thanks to Rachel Goldberg, who loves her mother, who midwifed this book, and who will one day be a wonderful mother.

Bob Barnett, my agent and representative, for whom I am dearly grateful.

Linda Michaels, who is the international godmother of this book. She ensures that people everywhere can reap the benefits.

Lauren Marino and Trish Medved, my editors, who have passed this book from one caretaker to another.

Debra Goldstein, who helped me articulate, define, recall, clarify, and listen to the guidance that wanted to be captured in this book.

I want to thank Lynn Stewart, Michael Pomije, stepdad; Bill Milham, godfather; Judy Rossiter, godmom; Susan Scott Miller; Russ Miller; Dorothea Scott; John Scott; Barbara Carton; Bob Steevensz; and extended family everywhere who supported me in mothering Jennifer, an experience that gave me the ultimate credentials to write this book.

Steve Rubin, who believes in the wisdom of the Game-Rules series of book.

Finally, I want to thank Jennifer Hayden Carter-Scott, who as my daughter enabled me to have the gift of motherhood.

Introduction

Writing a book on motherhood has been an extremely challenging task; the only task that has been more challenging for me has been raising my daughter, Jennifer. Its difficult to put into words the experience of ushering a child into this world and being ultimately responsible for her care, well-being, and development. It is an incredibly overwhelming, astounding, and miraculous experience that almost defies description.

Volumes have been written about motherhoodwhat it entails, what is required, what it provides, and thoughts on how to do it correctly. Im not necessarily an expert on all these concerns, but after decades of coaching and counseling many thousands of women worldwide I have learned some basic universal truths associated with this experience. Knowing these truths in advanceor along the waydoesnt guarantee absolute success, but it certainly will make the journey easier.

Though we all have common concerns, wishes, hopes, and fears, no two experiences of motherhood are identical. Every child is unique, and every mother has her own path to walk. I raised a daughter with the help of my sister and later my husband, but often it seemed like it was solely on my own, where others have a spouse or partner. Some women are blessed with financial security and are free from concern about their survival; others must struggle to ensure that they and their children are clothed and fed. Some have children who are gifted, bright, or well behaved, while others must address continuous discipline, learning issues, or disabilities.

When I became pregnant, I was filled with new thoughts and feelings. I, of course, wanted to be the perfect mother, but I also felt there were many gaps in my experience and feared that I might fall short of the mark. I took the responsibility very seriously and wanted to create a world of safety, encouragement, opportunity, and unconditional love for my child. I wanted to provide a kind of human greenhouse where my child could grow in the healthiest, most positive and fulfilling manner. I took courses to prepare myself, and set out on the journey to become the perfect mother.

Little did I know that having Jennifer would bring increased stress to my marriage. Rather than an environment of tranquil harmony, there was friction. When she was 18 months old, her father left us. I had never anticipated being both mother and father to my child. If I had felt slightly insecure as a mother, I now felt totally inadequate as a nurturer/breadwinner. She was a child who required one-on-one attention and needed constant reassurance. She was everything my mother had wished on me... to have a child just like me.

All women have their own ideas about how to raise children. What worked for me may not work for you, and what works for you may not work for your circle of friends. Trial and error, intuition and how to coaching, taking charge and letting go all contribute to learning the lessons of motherhood. Underneath it all, the ten truths in this book stand out as universal for every mother, regardless of her circumstances, nationality, race, or religion.

Keep these truths as gentle reminders on your journey. There are no hard-and-fast rules you must obey, no detailed programs to follow. Choose the methods that resonate with you. More than anything, these truths will provide you with a road map that you can refer to when life seems overwhelming or you lose your way.

Motherhood is many things to many women: a journey, an adventure, a job, a calling, a responsibility, an opportunity, and a gift. For some it brings more joy, for others, endless challenges. Its different for every woman. The underlying truths are presented here so you can find comfort when the task seems too big, find light when the road is too dark, and find handrails when you feel like you need support. Remember that like all the women who have gone before you, you are up to the task, and you have the ability to fulfill your vision of becoming the best mother you can be.

Everything about the experience of being a mother stretched me. I had to find resources within myself that I didnt know I had. I had to learn patience at a deeper level than Id ever known. I had to let go of my way of doing things and let my daughter find her own way. I had to learn how to connect, how to engage and calm her when I felt like nothing I could do would work. It has been like graduate school in the world of human development. She has taught me humility, forgiveness, unattachment, joy, and boundless love.