Jill Koziol - This Is Motherhood: A Motherly Collection of Reflections + Practices

To the mothers whove come before us.

To the mothers wholl come after us.

And most especiallyto the mothers who walk alongside us.

This is for you.

Contents

Welcome

Motherhood is a journey. Yet while becoming a mother is a path that is well worn, navigated by billions of women across the globe throughout human history, the experience is brand new for each woman every time a baby enters this world.

The first time you feel the thud of your babys kick from inside your womb, the ache in your heart when your child is sick, or the mixed emotions of returning to work from maternity leave, motherhood is born in you anew. Each new frontier becomes an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your child, each struggle a chance to become a better version of yourself, each joy an opportunity to experience the rich sweetness that life has to offer.

Motherhood is an adventure that defies explanation; you just have to experience it for yourself.

Its real, raw, and powerful. Its beautiful and mind-blowing and monotonous. Its experiencing a total loss of freedom and gaining the greatest gifts on earth. Its finding our way on a path thats incredibly common and yet different for every woman. Its the most amazing transformation in a womans life.

Were thrilled to be on this journey together. We founded Motherly because when we became mothers we saw a new wave of mamas redefining motherhood, owning what it means to be Motherly but unable to find the content or community that matched this optimistic, digitally native generation. It was as if the power of motherhood was an open secret, though many of the existing media outlets and brands seemed to be out of touch with this new generation of mothers.

We wanted to help write a new narrative about what it means to be Motherly, one that focused less on the conflicts of motherhood and more on celebrating the many creative paths that women are carving for themselves today.

You are Motherly...

You, the woman defining what thriving in motherhood looks like for you. You, the woman running an online business from home to have more flexibility for family life. You, the woman choosing to stay at home and give up alone time to gain years with your children. You, the mama continuing her education after an unplanned pregnancy. You, the working mom. You, the dont-label-me mom. You, the breastfeeder. You, the pumping mama. You, the formula feeder. You, the woman navigating the ups and downs of the tween years. You, the mama who worries that she wont love her second baby as much. (You will.) You, the lonely new mother in a new city trying to find her new identity.

Being Motherly today is not about focusing on what divides us or brings us down. Its about celebrating and empowering each womans individual, triumphant journey.

Heres the secret: There are many ways to get motherhood right. Theres no one way. Its not your mothers path or your sisters path or that seemingly perfect mom from your kids preschools path. Its yours alone. You get to define and redefine along the way your experience of motherhood. Your journey may not look the way you originally envisioned it, but it will be even better than you expected.

We wrote This Is Motherhood to be your companion on this journey. The book is organized by themes we all experience in motherhood the firsts, the strengths, the depths, the magic sometimes in the same day. (Sometimes the same hour.) Although you may sometimes feel alone in your struggles and successes, mama, know this: You are not alone. The many stories told from women all over the globe, which are shared within the pages of this book, prove it.

The world is full of voices (sometimes our own!) telling us that were not enough. That were not doing it right. That we should try harder. That we must do more. These lies can steal the beauty from some of the most meaningful moments in our lives. Weve had enough of those voices because they simply arent true.

You are an incredible mother. Your choices are the right ones for your family. And you are enough.

Were here to inspire and guide you through some of the most miraculous and stressful milestones of your life.

This Is Motherhood includes reflections on this #momlife from mothers at all different stages of the journey: the soaring highs of meeting their new baby, the ground-shaking lows that made them doubt everything theyd ever known, and all the beauty and pain in between. To make sense of it all, we close each section with practices from our team of wellness experts to help you define, clarify, process, and celebrate your journey.

Motherhood is an opportunity to nurture not lose our true self. We hope this book feels like a loving friend whispering in your ear: Youre doing great. Its going to be okay. Youve got this. Because you are. And it is.

Youve so got this.

XO,

Jill + Liz

P.S. Welcome to #TeamMotherly. Were so glad youre here with us. Join us online at Mother.ly.

New Mama

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

HELEN KELLER

INTRODUCTION

LIZ TENETY

I was thirty-six weeks pregnant with my first child when I realized I was just going to have to wing it. As my doctor was wrapping up my weekly appointment measuring my swollen belly, checking my blood pressure, observing my vitals I blurted out the burning question, which I was surprised she hadnt already answered: But how will I know when Im in labor? And what do I do when the babys coming?

My OB/GYN launched into her regular routine as she walked out the door. Contractions get longer, closer together, and more intense. Youll call the office. Well see you at the hospital, she said with barely a breath. Her words were ones she clearly had repeated a thousand times before. But didnt she know? Nothing about having a baby was routine to me.

I had been dutifully showing up for every prenatal appointment, expecting that my doctor would help guide me through this mind-blowing transformation that was occurring in my life. But as she closed the door with that easy answer about the signs of labor, the weight of motherhood hit me all at once:

My OB/GYN wasnt there to help me become a mom, to handle the psychological stress, manage the fear, or to even embrace the joy.

My doctor wasnt with me while I hunted for the perfectly safe car seat for my precious baby. She wasnt lying in bed with me, completely uncomfortable and entirely still except for the life moving nonstop inside of me. She wasnt negotiating with me for maternity leave at work, wondering how I would manage. She certainly wasnt there to calm me when I woke up from my recurring pregnancy nightmare, where I forgot I had a baby and left my child somewhere. No, my doctor was doing her job a medical job.

I realized in that moment that becoming a mother was a powerful transformation I needed to go through myself.

Thats not to say I was alone. My husband was so supportive. My family was beyond thrilled. My friends were compassionate and curious. Although motherhood was a frontier that others had traveled, it was land I had not yet explored. I had read the pregnancy books but felt wholly unprepared. I was in my third trimester, but I wasnt yet ready. And even though my son was on his way, I could barely wrap my mind around the idea that in a few short weeks, I would be his mother.

The journey to motherhood looks different for every woman. There are many ways to get there. Its vast and mysterious and beautiful beyond description. But it can be terrifying and even lonely.