Caroline Boyd - Mindful New Mum: A Mind-Body Approach to the Highs and Lows of Motherhood

The transition to motherhood is tender and transformative. Yet pressure to parent perfectly can make this adjustment difficult. Practising mindful compassion provides tools to ground you during this time allowing you to find calm, soothe your baby, and embrace being a new mum.

MINDFUL PARENTING | Contents

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Mindfulness is simply choosing to pay attention to the present moment, without judgment, whether youre feeding peacefully or soothing your baby. It allows you to open your heart to the highs and lows of parenting.

Perhaps you have already experienced that moment when you find yourself alone for the first time with your new baby. You may have wondered: How have I been left in charge? Am I up to the job?. Parenting is one of the most challenging tasks youll ever do, yet theres no manual. Its messy, a marvel, a muddling through. Mindful parenting allows you to connect with your rich inner experience and be more fully present with your baby in the moment as it unfolds. Practising mindfulness allows you to find ways to ground yourself and stand, steady as an oak tree, while the storms of parenting blow around you.

No doubt your child will bring you moments of tenderness, wonder, and joy, as well as triggering strong feelings and testing your limits. Rather than adding yet another pressure, mindfulness helps you tune into the full range of feelings. Becoming more mindful allows you to notice difficult feelings as they arise rather than judge yourself for having them.

The roots of mindfulness lie in teachings of the Buddha, described by the Sanskrit word dharma meaning the way things are. Cultivating awareness means focusing attention inwards to your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without resisting them or getting caught up in past worries or future fears.

Early motherhood can be stressful: acknowledging and accepting what is, including any difficult emotions, creates space to step back, allowing you to respond not react. To let go of believing theres a right way to parent, and that you should be doing things a certain way. To make wise choices for you and your baby, asking yourself in times of challenge: Whats most important here?.

Using the will help you to flourish in your new role as a mother as you appreciate the values of patience, acceptance, trust, and letting go. You are likely to hold preconceived beliefs and hopes about becoming a mum, shaped by society and your own experiences. Perhaps you have a fantasy in your mind about how you will parent and how your baby will behave. You may feel crushed by expectations to parent perfectly. This is linked to the myth of Supermum, which has us believe mums should always be calm, coping, and in control. Acknowledging when you may be striving to be Supermum creates space to respond wisely, without feeling the need to control.

It can also be hard to keep up with the constant changes: some days you may feel youre doing well, youre coping, youre winning. On other days, you may feel so tired and full of self-doubt: if only you could just get it right. Self-critical thoughts often arise amid stress, as you negatively label your present moment experience. So, if you feel bad, you then judge yourself for even feeling that way. Learning to redirect your attention allows you to step back from external pressures and quieten the mental chatter of your inner critic, easing doubts and fears.