Trevor Silvester - Lovebirds: Discover Your Love Type—One of 8 Birds—and the Secrets toLiving with the OneYou Love

We seem to be obsessed with relationships. Whether its the endless stream of magazine articles detailing the latest celebrity gossip, the buzz in the office about so-and-so and their partner, or the long chats with friends about the state of your union, how we get on with others, and how others get on with others, seems to be an inexhaustible subject of interest.

I spend a good proportion of my working life helping people with their relationships, so Im not surprised. Most people find relationships hard, and yet theyre probably the single most important thing in life to get right. If you live in a supportive, loving state of intimacy you live longer, healthier, happier and more successful lives. No wonder we obsess about how to achieve such a state.

So why do we find it so difficult? After all, the human race has been a two-person relay from the beginning, so youd think wed have it sussed by now. In this book Im going to explain why we find it hard, and how you can turn the things that cause relationships to be difficult into the very things that build the life together youve always wanted.

To do this, I want to share with you what Ive observed in the many couples whove sat in front of me; many going through the kind of pain and distress that is unique to the threatened loss of love, because Ive noticed the same thing again and again: overwhelmingly, most people dont separate because they dont love each other; they do it because they cant live with each other.

Opposites seem to attract... and then drive each other mad. Its taken me years to understand why this is so.

The introduction is (hopefully) the first part of the book that most of you will read, but its the last part that I write, so as I contemplate what youre about to experience set down on these pages, Im feeling a lot of hope: the hope that youll find here something that will make you nod in recognition at yourself and the relationships youve had or are currently having, and learn some things that will enable you to create a fulfilling and rich life with someone you love. I absolutely believe that this is possible, and that the person you currently love is likely to be someone you can learn to live happily with.

There is, however, always a danger when you try to put people into boxes and describe them. We all know each of us is unique so cant be totally predictable, but we do have preferences in the way we see things that are identifiable in many situations like whether you tend to be left- or right-wing in politics, or prefer the company of lots of people or something more intimate. So Im going to talk about the tendencies I see most often causing the differences between people that we trot out as reasons for a break-up: They didnt understand me; They were always winding me up; They were too lazy/maniacal/anal/fluffy/undependable/boringly dependable... The list may seem endless, but the differences that drive them arent.

By reading this book, I intend to get you thinking about how you relate to people and to teach you how to do it better. While its focus is on intimate relationships, the benefits will be far broader because if you can learn to relate clearly with your partner, then your friends, colleagues and bosses will be a doddle.

The differences between people that Im going to be focusing on are the ones that fly largely beneath the radar. Im expecting you to nod in recognition at them, and wonder how you never realised their importance in the daily impact on the way you live your life and run, or ruin, your relationships. Im going to teach you to identify them in you and your partner, and how to turn how they cause you problems into what brings you closer.