Dena Cabrera - Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty, and Life After Pregnancy

Mom in the Mirror

Mom in the Mirror

Body Image, Beauty, and Life after Pregnancy

Dena Cabrera and Emily T. Wierenga

Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.

Lanham Boulder New York Toronto Plymouth, UK

Published by Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.

A wholly owned subsidiary of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706

www.rowman.com

10 Thornbury Road, Plymouth PL6 7PP, United Kingdom

Distributed by National Book Network

Copyright 2013 by Dena Cabrera and Emily T. Wierenga

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cabrera, Dena, 1969

Mom in the mirror : body image, beauty, and life after pregnancy / Dena Cabrera and Emily T. Wierenga.

p. cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-4422-1865-9 (hbk. : alk. paper) ISBN 978-1-4422-1867-3 (electronic) (print) 1. Body image. 2. Beauty, Personal. 3. Self-esteem. 4. PregnancyPsychological aspects. 5. MotherhoodPsychological aspects. I. Wierenga, Emily T., 1980 II. Title.

BF697.5.B63C33 2013

155.333dc23

2012039576

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.

Printed in the United States of America

This book is dedicated to our mothers. We love you.

mother

soft hands flowered apron you

stand in doorway sunlight spilling round

you

mother

soft music gentle prayers you

love to laugh hate to stare proper british

woman

mother

soft heart big worries you

try to release not letting go begging stay! yet i leave

you

mother

soft tears washing face your

big blue eyes full of grace i love you need you try to be

you

mother

e. wierenga

Giving birth produces life in more than one sense. Its the baby powder, milky-breathed spirit found in the softest limbs youve ever felt, and its the respect a man feels for his wife as he watches her give up her body for another. And its the deep-rooted, soul-satisfying feeling of knowing you were born for more than the mirror. That you were born to see the face of God in your child, and to know that you yourself are a miracle.

Contents

Foreword

I am often asked to review books relating to body image, self-esteem, and eating disorders, but when Dr. Dena Cabrera and I first spoke about Mom in the Mirror , I knew something groundbreaking was about to be birthed.

Rarely has the topic of a mothers body image been successfully addressed or delved into. Sadly, the concept of self-love is hardly spoken of at all.

Mom in the Mirror pulls back the covers to combine practical lessons by Dr. Cabrera with honest insights by coauthor Emily Wierenga, a recovered anorexic and mother of four boys, creating, as the book describes it, a unique self-help narrative that will inspire mothers to turn inward for their value and worth.

Be done with denying food, pretending to feel full, convincing yourself you dont need help, or telling those you love that everythings okay, when clearly everything is not. No more playing with your mind, stretching the truth, or hiding yourself. You deserve a lot more of what this life has to offer, as do the children who look to you for guidance at every turn.

Break the chains of self-loathing, unrealistic expectations, social pressures, familial perceptions of beauty, and body bashing, and be free in the here and now. Learn to love, starting with yourself.

We live in a society that demonizes fat; meanwhile, we are more overweight than ever before. Every day at least ten million women deny themselves acceptance and love by abusing food in some way, shape, or form. Clearly, something is wrong.

What if we dug in and reconnected with our mind, body, and spirit as mothers? Dont you think its time to reclaim the life that is undeniably ours to live? A life that isnt made in the image of some ad campaign or movie, selling us a shortchanged bill of goods? A life that isnt discussed and arranged on corporate Americas conference-room tables?

I know youve been waiting for a book like this to help alleviate your pain, explain the insanity youve been living, and to be your friend, your confidant, and support. Welcome to the answers youve been looking for, some good hard facts to lead you to your personal worth, and the power to change.

Your children will never be able to thank you enough, let alone their children, and so forth. It all starts with you. Allow yourself to begin life anew, starting now.

Emme (Melissa Aronson)

Author, Television Host, and Plus-Size Supermodel

EmmeNation.com

Introduction

Nothing changes a person like giving birth. Just ask any of the 85.4 million mothers in the United States. This turning inside out so that another person might live excavates and transforms and inspires. But before we become mothers (and even afterward), were women first.

There are women who dont like their reflection in the mirror because for some reason, the crows-feet and widows peak and thin lips say something about their value and their worth. Looks have become synonymous with identity. As a result, a nation of women with body image issues is struggling to inspire a generation of daughters.

Seventy-five percent of females aged twenty-five to forty-five exhibit disordered eating behaviors. Three out of four women have an unhealthy relationship with food or their bodies (including the 10 percent who meet criteria for diagnosable eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder).

And theres more:

• 67 percent of women (excluding those with actual eating disorders) are trying to lose weight
• 53 percent of dieters are already at a healthy weight and still trying to lose weight
• 39 percent of women say concerns about what they eat or weigh interfere with their happiness
• 37 percent regularly skip meals to try to lose weight
• 27 percent would be extremely upset if they gained just five pounds
• 26 percent cut out entire food groups
• 16 percent have dieted on 1,000 calories a day or less
• 13 percent smoke to lose weight
• 12 percent eat regularly when theyre not hungry, and 49 percent sometimes do

Because most women spend their lives attempting to change their bodies, its not surprising that adding postpregnancy pounds and the challenges of parenting only exacerbate issues with weight, body image, and disordered eating. Were not just talking about women with clinical eating disorders. Every day, tens of millions of women deny their bodies the food they needregardless of whether theyre trying to lose five pounds or fifty. And no matter how hard we try to inspire health, wholeness, and confidence in our children, unless we love ourselves, they wont love themselves, either.

Mom in the Mirror

So how do we deal with the challenges of parenting, in addition to our own unrealistic expectations, media influences, perceived pressures from those around us, and a culture that demonizes fat (even though more Americans are overweight than ever before)? Mom in the Mirror is a biological, psychological, social, cultural, and spiritual response to this question. Within its pages, Dr. Dena Cabrera, former staff psychologist at Remuda Ranch and currently the executive clinical director of training and education at the Rosewood Institute, combines her expertise with the personal experience of Emily T. Wierenga, a recovered anorexic and mother of four boys, to create a unique self-help narrative that will inspire mothers to turn inward for their value and worth. Mom in the Mirror provides insight, support, and the information necessary to help readers overcome damaging lifestyle habits and self-esteem struggles. Readers will learn how to improve the way they eat, live, feel, and parent, thereby increasing their happiness, confidence, and self-esteem both as mothers and women.