Florence Isaacs - Just a Note to Say . . .: The Perfect Words for Every Occasion

Table of Contents

Preface

I had no idea when Just a Note to Say... was first published that it would strike such a responsive chord in readers. In this updated and expanded edition, Ive kept the special bond clearly in mind. Much has changed in our lives and in the world since I initially completed the book. The shifts are reflected in the attention Ive devoted to electronic communication and in the new ideas and sample notes added throughout this edition. The insights and tips that make note writing easy, yet meaningful, remainbut there are more of them.

When I first started to explore in depth the subject of notes for this book, I did not know that the project would become a process of discovery. Yet each chapter held surprises.

As I talked to people about various occasions, inquiring about their feelings and attitudes, I often found their responses a revelation. Many would say, Ive never thought much about birthdays (or graduations or anniversaries) beforethen proceed to share poignant insights. They spoke of deeply felt emotions and their voices became some of the highlights of this book.

Men could be just as thoughtful and expressive as womenand often more so. Some of the sweetest, most touching words came from husbands, sons, brothers, or friends who felt genuinely moved by the occasions that inspired their notes.

Some of my preconceived notions about what constitutes a good note changed, as well. As I examined the underlying meaning of (and issues involved in) each occasion, I discovered that notes that had seemed ideal to me at the start of this project looked different later on. Words that meant well and sounded right on target could sometimes have unintended implications and actually be inappropriate.

Psychologists, social workers, and other professionals helped me to explore complex issues in the first edition and write an infinitely richer book. I thank them all, especially Renee Warshofsky-Altholz, CSW, ACSW; Rabbi Shelley Kovar Becker; Bernice R. Berk, PhD; Linda Carter, PhD; Ricki Fier, RN, MS, CS; Reverend Elizabeth G. Maxwell; Diane Rosenstein, ACSW; Michael Shernoff, ACSW; Mary-Ellen Siegel, MSW; and W. Daniel Smith.

I also thank many of my colleagues, members of The American Society of Journalists and Authors, for their exceptional support.

P.S. If youd like to share your own experiences with finding the right wordsor meaningful notes youve receivedId love to hear from you. Please contact me through my Web site at www.florenceisaacs.com or e-mail fisaacs@florenceisaacs.com. You can also write to me: Florence Isaacs, c/o Clarkson Potter/Publishers, 1745 Broadway, New York, NY 10019.

Part

ThePowerofNotes

One

Making ConnectionsinChangingTimes

When I had my first baby, I received a gift at the hospital with a note that read, To Jonathan: Were so glad youre here. Ill always remember that noteand the person who sent it. This baby was one I feared Id never have. I had tried to become pregnant, unsuccessfully, for three years and had watched other women wheeling baby carriages, feeling waves of despair that I would never have the chance.

Then, magically, a few days before I was due for an appointment with yet another infertility specialist, I received the good newsI was pregnant. Though my doctor warned me that things could yet go wrongI could miscarryI willed it to be all right, and it was. When I saw my beautiful, perfect son for the first time, all the heartache and doubt and fear that Id never have a child was swept away and I felt an exquisite joy. This was not just a baby, this was the most wanted baby in the world.

That brief but meaningful note let me know that someone else understood my happiness. Oddly enough, the writer of the note was not a close friend, but at the moment I read her words, we shared a special bond. She had acknowledged how much this child meant to me.

If she had simply called or signed her name to a printed card, Id have appreciated it. But, as I learned that day, theres nothing like a personal note to make you feel touched and remembered. That fact remains truer than ever today. In this age of impersonal technology, a handwritten note makes a human connection that is as valuable as the sentiments expressed.

CHANGING TIMES

In other centuries, people had to write notes and letters to stay in touch with friends, family, and others important to them. On a trip to Mount Vernon, I learned that George Washington wrote almost forty thousand letters during his lifetime.

Of course, technology provides many other ways of communicating today. You turn on your speedy computer and push a button to e-mail your friends, family members, and others at work or in the community. You can contact anyone on the phone from a train, in your car, or virtually anywhereeven walking down the street. You also can send an instant text message. Yet there is a difference between talking and connectingand thats what this book is all about.

The reality is, you just dont express yourself on the telephone in the same way as you do on paper. The give-and-take of conversation interrupts the flow of thought; the immediate feedback from the other person seems to stifle free expression rather than facilitate it. Thats why a phone conversation with someone you love can sometimes feel so unsatisfyingthe human connection is incomplete.

When you speak on a cell phone, noisy distractions in public places or service interruptions add extra jarring notes. E-mail and text messages discourage you from slowing down and giving thought to what you write. The whole point is quick communication, not pensiveness and deliberation.

In these uncertain times, the need to connect seems more urgent than ever. Special occasions offer the opportunity to do that, whether youre adding a few lines to a store-bought birthday greeting or writing your own stand-alone note to say, Hello, I miss you, to a loved one in another state or on another coast or thousands of miles away in another country.

When you write, there is no response to distract you from reaching within and exploring exactly what you feel and want to say. There is no gadget or other equipment to act as a barrier. What there is is an enormous sense of satisfaction. One woman told me, When I write, I speak a whole different language. I become more open. Its as if a poetic part of me seems to spill out.

At the very same time technology has provided new modes of communication, you may be confronted with new reasons to write. Not so long ago, congratulations on a ninetieth birthday or a sixtieth wedding anniversary or becoming great-grandparents was rare. Singles didnt adopt babies. People didnt launch new careers in their fifties or sixties, or retire and later return to the workforce. Other complex scenarios, unknown two or three decades ago, may demand a personal response from you, as well. You may wish to express support to someone who has been laid off after thirty-two years with a blue-chip corporation, or who struggles with the stress of moving an elderly parent into assisted living. Or perhaps you want to send good wishes to multicultural coworkers at an important celebration or holiday.