Robert C. H. - PTSD/Bipolar Misdiagnosed

PTSD/Bipolar Misdiagnosed

Published by Robert C. H.

at

Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Robert C. H.

This is a letter I wrote March of 2011. Itwas originally addressed to The National Center for PTSD ofU.S.Department of Veteran Affairs. I never sent the letter tothem, its just a website for information. I did email it toleading psychiatrists associated with PTSD, and a few otherprofessionals. I never received any response. Its been threeyears.

The letter is as follows:

I am a veteran. I served in the United StatesAir Force from 1988-1992. Honorably discharged.

I am writing this letter in regards toPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Last fall I was watching theHistory Channel, a show called Wartorn 1861-2010. Ifound similarities with my own past conditions, so I could relateto the information being provided. I decided I should write aletter to convey the information I have. I hope this information ishelpful to you. As I searched for a VA Hospital to send thisinformation to, I found your website. I started reading about PTSD.I had many of these symptoms, although I was never in combat.

Soon after my military service I wasdiagnosed with Bipolar II. I lived with this disorder for eighteenyears. Three years ago I discovered the cause. I know when, whereand why it developed. In the paragraphs below, I've writtenthe history of my disorder.

It was February of 1992. I was stationed inAnderson AFB, Guam and returned home to Wisconsin. Three days afterreturning home I fell into severe depression. All I knew at thetime, was that I was deeply hurting inside with no explanation forit.

I gradually got a grip on myself and managedto get by for the next few months. June of 1992 came and I startedfeeling better. I recall a specific day in June, where I wascutting grass on a riding mower. Tears were coming to my eyesbecause I felt so good. Nothing in my life changed, I just feltalleviated from the severe depression. The rest of the summer I wasfeeling good. About the second or third week of September of1992 I fell into severe depression again. Allsymptoms of the depression reappeared. I noticed mybreathing was very shallow. I don't remember when I started havingsuicidal thoughts, but they may have begun about this time. Ibegan to recognize my depression changing with the seasons.For the next several months I would visit the city library andresearch depression. I recall reading about Seasonal AffectedDisorder (SAD). All symptoms seemed to fit. Except SAD seemed to bea less severe depression than what I was experiencing. FromSeptember thru June I had many episodes of binge drinking. I beganto notice a definite pattern of levels of depression and the bingedrinking. I would explain to friends and family that I would feelbetter after heavy drinking. I was hung over, but the depressionwould seem to lift slightly and it would give me a break fromit. June of 1993 came around, and again, I recovered from thesevere depression. September of 1993 thru June of 1994 again Iexperienced severe depression. June it cleared up again.

About the third week in September of 1994,again, I experienced severe depression. I noticed my breathing soshallow I almost had to remind myself to breath. In the next weeksI was fantasizing suicide, I couldnt get it out of my mind. Iwould experience vivid mental pictures of my death by suicide.

Approximately October of 1994 my dad talkedme into seeing a psychiatrist. I walked into his office the day ofthe appointment and broke down into tears. I explained everythingthe best I could. He diagnosed me with Bipolar II, and rightfullyso. Or, so it seemed. Over the next few months he treated me withLithium, Tricyclics, and finally Zoloft, which seemed to have apositive result.

Approximately the month of January of 1995 Ihad a severe binge drinking episode. My dad brought me to apsychiatric center. I spent about three days there. Thepsychiatrist made an appointment for me at a local councelingservice, which I attended for a few months.

I started to sauna to help relief the stress.The psychiatrist agreed it was a good idea. After the first sauna Ifelt better. After several trips I began to notice a toxic taste tomy sweat. This became a clue to what really ailed me. Every SundayI would sauna until the toxic taste of my sweat would disappear. Ifelt very good just after the sauna, then on Tuesdays I would feelmyself falling into depression again. I stopped taking the Zoloftand I never revisited the psychiatrist.

Again from June thru September of 1995 I feltgood without taking the saunas. September of 1995 in the second orthird week I became depressed as usual. Immediately I started tosauna. My Sunday sauna became my way of coping with thisdepression. But, I didnt know why.

The theory I used to make sense of this wasthat my body slowed down because of the hibernation responseassociated with SAD or Bipolar II. This would cause toxins to buildup in my body and cause my depression. During my time in the USAF,I was in the southern United States and Guam where the hibernationresponse didnt affect me as much. This theory worked for me untilJuly of 2007.

In April of 1996, I moved to San Jose,California. I felt better living in California. My depression wouldstart in November and last about four months. The severity wasntas bad as Wisconsin. I did sauna, but not as frequent as when inWisconsin.

In February of 1998, I started working a jobwhere I was in an air conditioned Clean Room for the semiconductorindustry. Up to this time I always had a job where I was sweatingduring the warm weather months. Soon after I started my new job Iwas having depression and drinking problems, but it wasnt what Icalled severe. During this time I started meditating. This helpedme a lot. 30 to 45 minutes twice a day. My work schedule allowed meto do this. About another year past by and I was promoted to adifferent position, but still in the same building. At the time,business was booming and I was required to work 6 days a week 10hours a day. In just a few days in my new position my depressionhad gotten worse. I started having extreme anxiety before startinga new week of work. This was unexplainable at the time. I wasntable to meditate with this schedule either. My life was gettingworse. I soon went to a psychiatrist. I explained to him my pasthistory. He gave me a subscription of Wellbutrin, which seemed towork, but I later had a drinking episode where that drug becamedangerous, so he took me off it. He wrote a letter for mysupervisor explaining I shouldnt work such long hours. I startedworking 8 hours a day 5 days a week, which did help, but I neverfully recovered. My drinking never got better, and my life hadgotten worse. Even my summers were bad. I missed 26 days of workthat year. In June of 2001 my employer gave me a choice to quit orbe fired.

September 13, 2001 I moved back to Wisconsin.November of 2001 I started a new job working in a factory again. InOctober of 2002 Human Resources recommended me to see a counselordue to my drinking. I was able to make corrections in my life andstarted saunas again on a regular basis. I experienced all the sameseasonal changes as I did the years before. I noticed the toxins inmy sweat were much stronger than before. It became a strongmetallic taste. I explained this taste to many people over theyears. I also built my own sauna. I did the best I could for thefollowing 4 years.

In July of 2006 I started working as a truckdriver. The first truck I drove was an old one and the airconditioning wasnt very good. There was also a lot of physicalexercise associated with the job, so I would sweat a lot during thesummer. My seasonal depression went on without change.

In May of 2007 I started working for adifferent trucking company. It was a better company with newertrucks with air conditioners that work. I had to stay away fromhome for two to three weeks at a time. Which was fine, but Icouldnt sauna every week. In July of 2007 I fell into severedepression. During the summer months? I was shocked to say theleast. This crushed my hibernation response theory. The theory thatI have been living with since 1994. I could not explain this.