Natalia Hailes - Why Did No One Tell Me This?: The Doulas (Honest) Guide for Expectant Parents

HI! WERE NAT AND ASH, TWO BIRTH DOULAS WHO STARTED from the same place as most of you, knowing nothing about childbirth except for cue GIF of a flailing crazy pregnant woman. So the idea of passing an actual human being through our vaginas was petrifying, to say the least.

But considering that millions of babies are born each year in the United States alone and that each and every one of us arrived here by the process of birth, it got us thinking: Why is it that we all know so little about childbirth? And, why are we all so terrified if its so common?

So we started digging. And what we learned blew our minds: that we can just chill as our bodies grow tiny baby fingernails, that the uterus can grow to the size of a watermelon and then shrink back down to the size of a pear, that breast milk constantly changes its composition to fit the unique needs of the particular babys health and developmental stages The more we found out about the intricacies of the bodys inner workings and defense mechanisms, the more enamored we became. And the more we explored and saw firsthand where all of our fear and misunderstanding around our bodies comes from (stay tuned!), the more it fueled our need to write this book.

The transition of pregnancy and childbirth is entirely transformational for each and every single person and partner that goes through it. But because it is so ordinary, we often forget that its actually extraordinary. Its a huge deal.

Having now supported hundreds of families through their pregnancies, births, and postpartum experiencesand Nat having done the deed herself with Ash as her doula!weve put together this book as a culmination and curation of what we have learned along the way. This resource was created to help you build confidence in yourself so that you can let go and release into the craziness that is the perinatal journey. Its our goal to equip you with the tools and support to listen to your own unique, extraordinary power, to ask for help and set boundaries, and to not give a shit about the shoulds, should-nots, and must-dos that constantly flood pregnant people and partners.

What works for you may look very different than what works for your friend, your sister, or even your doctor or midwife. But you really and truly know best. Our hope is that this book helps you trust that.

With love and a muscle arm emoji,

Ash + Nat

P.S. One last thing: Throughout this book, we tried our best to include a wide range of birthing people and scenarios, but we recognize that depending on your circumstances, some of what is outlined in these pages might not always be an option for you. Thats the thing about each of us being so unique! If youre a single parent, we see you. If youve experienced loss or trauma, we see you. If your baby is breech, we see you. If youre carrying more than one baby, we see you. If you or your baby have health factors that make you high risk, we see you. If youre giving your baby up for adoption, we see you. You all matter. Our hope is that even if everything here doesnt resonate with you, there will still be helpful bits and tools for you along the way.

We know theres a lot of confusion about what we as doulas (pronounced do-la) do, so let us clear it up for you.

A birth doula is a nonclinical coach that provides emotional, advocacy, educational, and sometimes spiritual support during pregnancy, birth, and the immediate postpartum period.

Because we are actually with clients for so much of their labor (you wont see most clinical providers until later in your labor, and even then, if you are birthing in a hospital, you may not see them until its time to push) and we are not bound to institutional policies, we have a unique vantage point on this process. Basically, we get access to the stuff no one else sees!

Doula support looks different for everybody, but some examples of what a doula can do include:

Help you navigate conversations with your care provider about your pregnancy.

Help you cope during early labor before you are with your clinical provider.

Help you decide when to go to your birthing place during labor.

Help you avoid unnecessary interventions.

Help you find ways to encourage the baby to descend through the birth canal while you have an epidural.

Provide hands-on support, like massage, during labor.

Assist with lactation once the baby is here.