Cindy Eastman - Flip-Flops After Fifty: And Other Thoughts on Aging I Remembered to Write Down

Flip-Flops
After 50

Copyright 2014 by Cindy Eastman

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Published 2014
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-1-938314-68-1
e-ISBN: 978-1-938314-69-8
Library of Congress Control Number: 2013951190

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1563 Solano Ave #546
Berkeley, CA 94707

For the island

T he Year of Thinking BIG. That is my theme for the next couple of years. So I guess, more accurately, my theme should be The Years of Thinking BIG, but lets not quibble over an s. As I approach a certain age (no big mystery: fifty), I am developing a philosophy that is not dependent on what people think of me anymore. I am much more concerned these days with what I think of me and how Ill be thinking of me in the years to come. And as I reach this place in my life where people normally start thinking about retirement and counting up the various nest eggs theyve laid over the years, all I can think about is how Ive laid only one big fat egg in that department. Because of various traumatic and irresponsible events in my life, I dont have a retirement plan. To be honest, I dont even have any kind of plan, except that one day Id like to be in the retirement phase of my life.

I look at retirement as a time to travel, garden, read, and basically enjoy life. I know it sounds like an AARP slogan, but it becomes meaningful after one enters her late forties. After years of working under conditions set forth by others, it has suddenly become far more important to me to be able to live under conditions set forth by me. This means being able to sleep in when Im tired, go up to Maine when I feel like it, not drive in the cold and the snow to get somewhere someone else thinks I should be. It also means making flip-flops my main footwear. If I cant wear flip-flops to a place, its probably not a place I want to go. I have good flip-flops (those I clean up after each wearing) and everyday flip-flops (which I dont). These allow me to enjoy a wide spectrum of events. So, thats my goal: flip-flops after fifty. I think its doable.

Of course, this means that I now need a retirement plan. Since I want to work from home and dont want to run a daycare or start a business on eBay, and since the one thing I can do well is write, I need to make a commitment to my writing: it must become a discipline, and I must make it an important part of my daily routine. This becomes difficult when one holds a nine-to-five, five-day-a-week job. Or, as its been lately, a seven-to-six, six-day-a-week job. But this is The Year of Thinking BIG! I must press on. So theres that: stick to my writing. I dont know how I will make it pay for my retirement, but who knows what will come down the pike?

Im brewing another couple of ideas, too. All are connected to writing, and some have to do with education. After all, I didnt go back to school and rack up tens of thousands of dollars in debt earning a masters degree for nothing. All in all, I think I might be onto something. Planning for retirement: what a concept.

For a long time Ive trudged along the path of Do the Right Thing. Ive held jobs and paid taxes and registered and insured my cars. I sent my kids to school with lunch every day, helped them with their homework, and took out loans to pay for their higher education. If I didnt have anything nice to say, I didnt say it. If I took a penny, I left a penny. Im not saying my new philosophy will change all this, but I do think that after almost fifty years of following the rules, I can safely assume I can be trusted to behave. The way I see it, I am able, motivated, smart, and ready. Whats to stop me?

I n 2008, I joined such illustrious company as Holly Hunter, Alec Baldwin, Michelle Pfeiffer, LEGO, AARP, Alpha-Bits, the Rolodex, and Jif peanut butter. How? We all turned fifty.

Turning fifty is no big deal if youre, say, the Interstate Highway System, which turned fifty in 2006. In fact, you should be fifty if youre the Interstate Highway Systemit gives you a certain air of respectability and responsibility. But when youre a woman who still feels like shes, oh, in her late thirties, it can be a little more frightening. Not scary frightening (as in not one but two terms of George Bush), just slightly frightening (as in where the hell is the how-to guide for turning fifty?).

For me, approaching fifty was just plain mind-boggling. In the preceding months, as I wrote journal entries and notes to myself regarding my upcoming birthday (For my fiftieth birthday or Can I find a new job at fifty?), I would stop and look at what Id written, and I felt as if I were lying about my age, but in the reverse. How could I possibly be this old?

AARP knew I was turning fifty practically before I did. They started the campaign to get me into their little cult about six months earlier, sending me an application for membership and a subscription to their magazine. I guess they wanted to be sure I remembered to join. So I did. Why not? Who doesnt want to be a member of an organization whose cover girl is Caroline Kennedy or whose cover boy is Kevin Costner? Im gamecount me in.

Its not that I wasnt ready to be fifty. I dont mind aging. I dont look or feel old. One of my vain little secrets is that I absolutely love it when I tell people how old my oldest child is and they say, What? You dont look like you have a child that old! or when the guy at Starbucks says, Shes your mom? I thought you were sisters! when I stop in for coffee with my daughter, Annie. (Im sure Annie loves that one as much as I do.)

For the most part, I was okay with the whole thing. But there are intrinsic elements to turning fifty that have to be addressed. It is certainly a time for reflection and stocktaking. Reflection is okay: I feel lucky that I am in good health, that Im living my life in a way I can be proud of, and that I have raised amazing children. I am married to a good man who also raised a wonderful daughter and who lives his life in a mindful and generous way. My parents are healthy, and so are my brother and sister, and we all enjoy a fairly sane and loving familial relationship. My friends are few, but theyre steadfast and fun, and I can call any one of them in a pinch. (Like if Im freaking out about turning fifty. Which Im not.) And theres the above-mentioned looking good for my agewhich doesnt hurt. Sure, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but who couldnt?

Its the other thing, the stock-taking part, that Im having the teeniest bit of trouble with. The part where I look back on my life and check to see if Ive gotten most of the things done that Ive always wanted to do. The answer is no. And when youre fifty and the answer is no, a new time frame is suddenly in place. I have only so many years left to travel to Greece, Italy, and Australia or to drive an RV across the United States. I have only so much time to live in New York City or start my own business. But the biggest thingthe thing I imposed my own time limit onwas becoming a Writer and Getting Published. I set a deadline of age fifty to get published, and I didnt meet my goal. But dont fret. Im not leaving things at a potentially depressing point. If life is all about the journey rather than the destination, then at this point Im just getting more information about the remaining trip. Turning fifty is like stopping at a travel center to check the map and maybe get a cup of coffee. Maybe even some presents.