Sean J. Rogers - Rising Above: A Green Berets Story of Childhood Trauma and Ultimate Healing

When I found my wife naked in bed with another man, it was like a vase shattered before my eyes. I knew that no matter what I did, that vase would never be the same, and no amount of glue could put it back together. No matter how badly I wanted to go back, I was stuck in this new reality that I did not want to live in. It was a blur of anger, sadness, and pain. I was twenty- one years old and about to have my world turned upside down.

I saw a game loaded in my PlayStation that I had never played. The nerve of this man to load a game and entertain himself with my PlayStation and my wife! So, while this man cowered in the corner of my bed, covering himself with my blankets, I punched the TV into the wall. While I put my fist through the screen, I seethed over a glass handle of vodka sitting on the table and thought, You cheap bastard. Then I picked up the vodka and threw it at his head.

My wife started to dial 911, and I knew I had a decision to make. I could hurt this man in ways I could only imagine or leave now and avoid a life sentence. I opted to leave, and as I drove, I screamed into my steering wheel, hoping it would wake me up from the nightmare.

I drove home to the desert of California; my childhood home was my only option. I drove one hundred miles an hour the entire way. The speed served two purposes: for me to crash and wake up to a different reality, or for the cops to stop me and save me from myself. I made it to my brothers house and went to bed pretending that this was all a bad dream.

The next few days were some of the toughest of my life. I cried, I drank, and I slept. For the first time in my life, I didnt want to be me anymore, and it was a difficult thought to have in my head. Two days into my grief, I had a realization that would change my life forevermy entire perspective and approach to trauma would never be the same again. It was the single most profound thought I have ever had. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and asked myself a very pointed question: How can I win this? I sat on the couch and realized I was losing control over my best asset, my mind. Then it came to me: she cheated on the man that I was , and I didnt want to be that man anymore. I wanted to be a man she could never obtain againsomeone who was far too good for her. I was accepting the loss of my old reality and ready to build a new one. Instantly, I felt powerful again. I felt like my future was back in my hands; I had a purpose, and I was ready to grow.

I wish I could say from that point on, things started looking up. But there was one major issue with my new plan: my past. I had to go back and face it in order to move forward.

I didnt realize it at the time, but my past was not only my greatest obstacle; it was also the key to my success, and without this realization, life would have not changed for me. Like many others, I would have committed to change for a brief moment only to quickly resort back to my old habits. This behavior was so predictable for me that it was sickening. I would get motivated, take steps toward change, then do something completely stupid and fuck it all up. It seemed no matter what I did, it was only a matter of time before the old me took over and ruined everything. I was thirty - three before I finally figured out how to stop the cycle of stupidity.

I began journaling and digging into my past to break this cycle. I found the key to change, and this book is not a result of the processit is the process. There was a dragon within me burning down every opportunity in front of me, and I spent my entire life failing to get away from it. Until finally, I realized it needed to be tamed. Now my dragon burns down obstacles and clears paths for opportunities. I ride that dragon like Daenerys Targaryen, the Dragon Queen from Game of Thrones , and I have never been so free.

But in order to tame the dragon, I had to go back.