Wayne Perkins - Crayon on a Matchbox: Thoughts on Coffee, War, Politics, Shearing, and Grandma’s Sex Life.

E very now and then, as I stumble along lifes rocky road, I find something happens that makes me pause, however briefly, and think Hmmnn. Thats uncanny.

Im sure most of us, or maybe even all of us, have times when we feel that maybe there is more to this existence than meets the eye, something going on behind the scenes, something we cant see, feel, touch, taste or hear.

It might be a sense of awe you feel for some unexplainable reason when listening to a certain song, looking at a certain painting or experiencing nature at its finest.

It could be a sense of dj vu that you get from some mundane everyday act like walking down a street or opening a cupboard or any number of things really, and for a brief but poignant moment you somehow know that the thing you are doing or the place you are being, you have done or been before and in some way you cant explain, you have been in this exact current time and place but you were there before you were there.

It could be something happens to you as you go about your business, maybe you catch a glimpse of someone who you havent seen for years or even decades but for some reason you thought or dreamt about them recently, quite unexpectedly and for no particular reason, and here they are bumping into you down the street or sitting in a corner of your local caf reading yesterdays newspaper.

It could be something you have wanted to do for a long time and things never quite worked out, the ducks never found themselves in a row, the planets never aligned in your favour and you had all but given up that particular dream as, well just a dream, but the world turned on a knife edge, the cards fell your way, the landscape changed and in a moment of silent wonder you found that you could not only do the thing you wanted but it felt suspiciously like someone or something was trying to make it easy for you or even pointing you in that direction.

Now of course, all this means nothing. Coincidences are just that, coincidences, things just happen and its not unreasonable to expect that from the trillions of things happening every second that we will get some times when those things happen in such a way and at such a time as to make us stop and pause and ask that age old question.

Is there something going on that Im not completely aware of?

I remember one day many years ago, a friend of mine was dying and in my inept and blundering way, I had tried and was trying to help her family as best I could and on this particular day, things had taken a turn for the worse. Her family were at her bedside.

I was sitting alone on the deck of their house having now done all I could do and I felt drained and useless and as low as it is possible to feel and if I needed anything right then, it was a friend to sit on the deck with me.

I remember thinking to myself very clearly that I just wish a certain person would come and see me, the person I was thinking of was not a close friend or someone who I ever hung around with but I liked him very much.

I still dont know why he was the person who I thought about but for whatever reason he was the guy I just wanted to see.

It was completely improbable and implausible that he would turn up, like I said we never really hung out and I wasnt even at my own house, but for whatever reason, I thought or wished or prayed that this guy would somehow come see me and against all the odds, without a word of a lie, not two minutes later his car pulled up beside the deck where I was sitting and he got out and walked over and sat down beside me.

I couldnt have been more surprised if a thundering mob of rampaging elephants had rumbled on past the front gate, I was so stunned as to be very nearly speechless and I felt like reality had cracked open, perhaps only a little but enough for me to catch a glimpse of an often talked about but unseen world.

We sat and chatted away for about an hour.

As we talked, the world moved on and in the sleepy little town the people went about their business, some were busy being born that day and some were busy dying and amidst the hustle and bustle, the pain and grief and gut wrenching sorrow, the unfathomable mystery of the stark reality of our fragile human existence, the grieving for my friend and her family and the overwhelming unfairness of life, amidst it all on that simple wooden deck, my friend sat with me.

Im quite a cynical man in many ways and often unsure if I believe much at all to be quite honest but I felt back then as I still feel now, that somehow I was supposed to be on that deck that day and my friend was supposed to be there too and that it wasnt chance but fate.

Among all that was wrong with that day of death and despair and loss, where many better than I were hurting more and my own little bit of sadness didnt amount to a hill of beans on the great cosmic scene, something, from whom or what I cant say, was given to me on that deck on that day.

It was the thing I needed most and expected least and there is only one word I know that describes it.

Grace.