Bill Perkins - When Good Men Get Angry: The Spiritual Art of Managing Anger

I have long believed that a solid understanding of psychological issues arises from sound theology. In this book, Bill Perkins offers biblical perspectives to matters like control, pride, forgiveness, and respect. He shows how a mastery of such underlying issues will directly affect your use of anger. I like that. I like that a lot. If you follow the principles outlined in this book and seriously ponder the questions posed, you will be ten steps ahead of the rest of the crowd.

Dr. Les Carter

Author of The Anger Trap

Bill Perkins is a master storyteller. This is one of the most entertaining books for men Ive ever read. Id recommend it to any man whos dealing with anger.

David Murrow

Author of Why Men Hate Going to Church

Bill has done it again. With psychological insight, biblical wisdom, and practical common sense, he has written a handbook, centered around seven riveting stories, to help us guys see past our defensiveness about anger and become the sort of men God wants us to be. From beginning to end, When Good Men Get Angry will challenge you with truths that will change your life, making you a better husband, father, and friend.

Dr. Steve Stephens

Author of 20 Rules and Tools for a Great Marriage

Bill Perkins offers godly wisdom dispensed with humor, candor, and straight talk. More important, he shows us how, through understanding our new identity in Christ, we can be mighty men whose anger is used as a force for good, not destruction. Powerful stuff!

Dr. David Hawkins

Director of The Marriage Recovery Center

Author of 90 Days to a Fantastic Marriage and Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life

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When Good Men Get Angry

Copyright 2009 by Bill Perkins. All rights reserved.

Cover photo copyright by Image Source Black/jupiterimages. All rights reserved.

Interior photo of piggy bank copyright by Rich Yasick/iStockphoto. All rights reserved.

Author photo copyright by Tony Goiburn. All rights reserved.

Designed by Dean H. Renninger

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible , copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Perkins, Bill, date.

When good men get angry / Bill Perkins.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-1-4143-1141-8 (hc)

1. Christian menReligious life. 2. AngerReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV4528.2.P49 2009

248.842dc22 2009006404

To Cindy

|||

The Wind and the Willow

I know

it sounds blue,

but still

its true.

I spoke with a willow tree today.

Why so sad, Miss Willow? I asked.

I long for my love, said she.

Your love, said I.

And what does he bring?

Why hes

strong,

and free,

and gentle,

and swift.

And sometimes hes terrible too.

If you must know, my love is the wind.

For he swings my arms and I dance,

he tickles my leaves making me laugh,

when he strokes my fingers I sing.

He is all that brings joy to my soul.

I now understand my own love, said I.

And I also know something of yours.

You know of the wind? she asked in surprise.

Indeed, I now realize.

He blows so youll dance.

He breathes so youll laugh.

He huffs and he puffs so youll sing.

Without you, Miss Willow,

the wind has no song,

no dance

nor a light-hearted laugh.

You see, Miss Willow,

you are to the wind

all that he is to you.

Introduction

He who is slow to anger has great understanding.

Proverbs 14:29, NASB

My cell phone vibrated. I flipped it open, placed it to my ear, and said hello.

Bill, its Kevin. You wont believe what Ive done. I need to come over... like now!

Whats so urgent?

Ill be there in five minutes, he said. The phone went dead.

Ive met few men with more fascinating life stories than Kevins. He grew up in Seattle and ran away from home when he was fifteen. While sitting in a diner in Lake Union, the shipbuilding area of Seattle, he met the captain of an Alaskan fishing boat. When the captain realized Kevin had no intention of returning home, he invited him to join his crew. Without a moments hesitation Kevin moved to the village of Oak Harbor on Kodiak Island250 miles southwest of Anchorage. During the next two summers he worked on fishing boats; he attended school the rest of the time. After graduating from high school, he joined the Marines.

While Kevin looked like Robert De Niro, unlike the actor he didnt have to pretend to be tough. He had the size, speed, and meanness to do serious damage to anyone crazy enough to take him on. And whether it was because he started trouble or attracted it, Kevin got in a lot of fights.

And then his life changed. During the end of his military service a friend told him about Christ, and he became a devoted follower. When he was discharged from the Marines, he started his own business in Portland, Oregon.

As I pondered Kevins story, I figured he was about to tell me another outlandish tale. The doorbell rang. I opened it, and Kevin stepped innot waiting for an invitation.

Whats so urgent that it couldnt wait? I asked.

I just got in a fight, he said as we entered my office. I could have gotten in serious trouble.

What happened?

I was driving my pickup south on 205 when three guys in a souped-up black Trans Am sped past me. The driver tossed a Coke can out his window, hitting my windshield and splattering it with Coke. He and his friends looked at me and laughed. I laughed too and acted like it was a big joke. I slowly eased past them and pulled into their lane. When they were right behind me, I slammed on my brakes.

The guy almost rear-ended me. If they had just figured we were even it would have ended there, but they signaled me to pull over. I followed them onto the shoulder of the road. I guess they thought they were tough guys. The driver jumped out of the car, pumped up his chest, stomped over to me, and took a swing with his right hand. But I blocked his punch and hit him with three quick jabs that bloodied his nose. When his friends realized someone would get hurtand it might be them and their friendthey broke it up.

I stared at Kevin, dumbfounded. Kevin, youre thirty-five years old. Youve got a wife and two kids. What were you thinking?

I guess I wasnt thinking, he said.

Do you feel better now that youve punished the guy?

No. I feel terrible. I could have hurt someone and ended up in jail. Besides, Ive got that I Love Jesus bumper sticker on my back fender, and the guy in the Trans Am almost wiped it off. I wasnt the best example.

For years Kevin had bridled his anger and avoided such idiotic conflicts. And then a single event triggered the beast within. He didnt rein it in until it was almost too late.